Do you want to ask a girl out but…
- … your mind goes blank when you approach her?
- … you become nervous and stumble over your words?
- … you hesitate and don’t go through with it?
- … you can’t handle a possible rejection?
- … you simply don’t know where to start?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, read on.
I’ll walk you through 10+ foolproof steps that will make asking a girl out look easy.
Trust me: You will never have to read a guide like this ever again.
Let’s begin!
Here’s How to Ask a Girl Out:
Step A: Building rapport with her
What does it really mean to build rapport with someone?
Building rapport is about establishing a friendly connection with someone based on things you have in common, as well as mutual trust.
In other words, it’s a process that allows you and the girl you have a crush on to become more familiar with each other.
During this stage, it’s important to show empathy, and authenticity, highlight what you have in common, and discuss shared experiences.
1. Ask her engaging questions
Start a casual conversation with her and try to learn more about her. Ask her fun get-to-know-you questions and transition smoothly from one topic to the other.
For example, you could start with a question such as, “What is your favorite memory of this place?” or “Is there somewhere else you’d rather be than here?”
And continue with inquiries that express genuine curiosity. Think of what you want to find out about her.
If it helps, make a list prior to approaching her. Having a few questions prepared could boost your confidence levels.
Remember to formulate open-ended questions to keep the conversation going. What I mean is, don’t give her any options to choose from. Avoid yes/no and right/wrong questions.
Good example: What’s the toughest decision you made today?
Bad example: Was it a tough decision to come here today?
In the first example, you encourage her to freely talk about the topic. The same cannot be said about the second.
She may respond with yes or no, which may lead to the end of your dialogue if you don’t think fast enough and change the subject.
2. Share personal stories with her
One way to deepen your connection with her is to share personal stories. Tell her something emotional or embarrassing about herself, something only a few people know.
By doing so, you’ll make her feel closer to you, and determine her to share something similar about herself.
Mutual self-disclosure is the best! How so?
It sometimes paves the way for romantic love to develop, as shown in a 2014 study by Keith M. Welker, Lynzey Baker, Alexandra Padilla, and Hannah J. Holmes.
People who talk about each other’s thoughts and feelings establish a more meaningful connection. Their bond becomes stronger due to empathy or shared experiences.
That’s exactly what you’re going for as well.
3. Flirt with her
Choosing the right moment to flirt with her is a delicate matter. You don’t want to come on too strong, but you don’t want to be friend-zoned either.
My advice?
Wait until you feel you and the girl are no longer strangers. Go for the friendly approach the first couple of times you talk to her and then start signaling her.
How? The most common flirting techniques are:
- Make eye contact with her and hold it for longer than usual. Then, look away for a few seconds and gaze at her again. Also, you can smile a little, run your hand through your hair, etc.
- Look her in the eyes, then look at her lips or breasts, and look back at her.
- Point your feet at her, lean in when she’s talking, and keep your body open. Get your hands out of your pockets, stand/sit with your back straight and face her.
- Give her a hug when you see her rather than saying hi from a distance.
- Compliment her most unique features or personality traits.
- Make sure your attitude is playful and try to make her laugh.
- Ask her flirty questions, such as, “What’s your favorite first date idea?”, “What’s your love language?”, “Would you describe yourself as a romantic person?”
Step B: Asking her out on a date
4. Look and smell your best
When it comes to your physical appearance, I totally agree with what Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D. aka The Attraction Doctor said:
“Take some time to care for yourself. Shower, style your hair, and shave or trim where you need to. Be clean, neat, and smell good too. Grooming alone can make (or break) your attractiveness – and all it takes is a bit of time, effort, and a toothbrush!”
Invest in a good perfume that stimulates her olfactory senses and makes your presence alone a pleasure.
Other factors that play an important role in how physically attractive you appear to women are clothing and posture. Let’s take them one by one:
Clothing: Wear clean, well-maintained clothes that fit you well.
Posture: Stand up straight, keep your head up, and your shoulders back.
If all of the above are on point, it means you should be ready to make a move on her.
5. Make small talk with her
The trick here is to ease her into it. Don’t go straight to her and ask the question.
Maintain a friendly, positive, and pleasant attitude while you ask her about her day, follow up on a topic you previously discussed, make a joke, or tease her.
Ideally, you should ask her after you make her laugh or after you compliment her.
Now comes the important part: Ask her out on a DATE!
Including the word DATE in your question is mandatory. She might think you’re asking her out for a friendly outing if you don’t mention it’s a date.
A good example in this regard is, “Would you like to go on a date sometime?”
6. Ask her when you’re alone together
What goes on between you and her is private and you should keep it that way. Attempting to ask her out on a date when she’s with a group of friends might not work in your favor.
The same applies to classmates or work colleagues. They don’t have to know about you two because they may have a negative influence on her.
It’s more likely to embarrass her if you ask her in front of other people rather than positively surprise her.
I know I’d feel uncomfortable knowing other people are watching me and waiting for me to respond.
So, having a one-on-one talk with her is the way to go here. Look for opportunities when you’re alone together, such as after class or work.
Depending on where you usually see her, I am sure you’ll find a moment when she’s not interacting with other people.
7. Suggest when and where to meet
Coming up with first-date ideas shouldn’t be much hassle if you get to know the girl a little. By the time you get to this step, you should know what she likes or what she’d like to try.
You must think of a few first-date ideas prior to asking her. Before you decide on at least two, consider her preferences and make sure you don’t choose something she dislikes or fears.
For example, don’t suggest a canal cruise if she has a fear of drowning – no matter how romantic that idea sounds to you.
If you do that, she’ll think you’re inconsiderate. You might start on the wrong foot with her.
When in doubt, go for common options and be specific about the time and place of your date.
Pick a date in the near future. If too much time passes, her interest might decrease.
I am telling you this from personal experience. My enthusiasm lowered significantly when one guy asked me to go on a date with him two weeks before he actually had time to meet me.
8. Respect her choice
If her answer is yes, that’s great! Congratulations on your success!
If she says she’s busy, but suggests another time and place to meet you, that’s also great!
It means she wants to go on a date with you. However, the time and place you suggested are simply inconvenient for her.
What if she says she’s busy and nothing more? Sadly, that means she doesn’t want to go out with you.
If she turns you down, that’s too bad! Although you might feel a little bummed, the best thing you can do is respect her choice and put plan B in motion.
9. Put Plan B in motion
Here are the dos and don’ts in case of rejection:
Do:
- Respond positively and calmly
- Say something back quickly, such as “That’s okay” or “No worries”
- You may add: “I am glad I asked” or “Now I don’t have to wonder”
- Wish her a good day and leave
Don’t:
- Say anything mean or sarcastic
- Try to convince her to go out with you
- Tell her she is making a mistake
- Get mad or raise your voice
Also, don’t make things weird between the two of you. You’re likely to see this girl in the future, so it would be wise to avoid any unwanted tension buildup with her.
10. Say something funny
In case she agrees to go on a date with you, maintain a flirty and light-hearted attitude with her.
Before, during, and after your date, try to make her laugh. Do that by being silly, telling her something embarrassing about yourself, or cracking jokes.
Humor is a gateway to her heart. Women love to laugh and are especially attracted to guys who can make them laugh.
Some prefer witty humor, while others like dark humor. Each girl will respond differently to your jokes. It’s your job to see what works and what doesn’t and adapt to her preferences.
Making fun of yourself is another technique you can apply to put a smile on her face or make her giggle.
Humorously highlight your shortcomings without fearing they’ll make you look less confident. I assure you that won’t happen. On the contrary, they’ll make you seem even more confident.
11. Surprise her
Use the element of surprise to make her feel even more attracted to you.
Before your date with her, you can surprise her with a text in which you express your eagerness to see her (in a cool way – not desperate, please).
As for when you meet, you can show up with flowers or something small and thoughtful.
Let me give you an example: Sometime in the past, I went out with a Hungarian guy. He gifted me a very pretty fridge magnet with abstract patterns handmade by one of his friends.
I was surprised by his gesture because it wasn’t as common as giving flowers. He actually made me feel special just by doing that.
Of course, you can surprise her with other things that are unique to her.
By doing so, you’ll automatically stand out among her other possible admirers.
12. Get in touch after the date
Another nice touch is to contact her after your date.
Depending on how well you think the date went, you should wait between 1 hour and a day to follow up on your date.
I’ll be honest with you: When I’m attracted to a guy, I want him to contact me. I want to hear from him that he had a good time with me and that he’s thinking about me.
Chances are the girl you want to date is the same. So, a sweet text saying, “Thank you for agreeing to go out with me. I had a great time with you” will do the trick.
You can be as specific as you want to be regarding what you like about her and your date.
However, I recommend keeping the message short and sweet – don’t confess your feelings just yet. Otherwise, she won’t be intrigued by you anymore.
Step C: Asking her to be your girlfriend
13. Gauge her interest in you
Look… just because a girl agrees to go on a date with you, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t date other guys as well.
Unless she commits to one person, a woman is generally free to go out with more than one guy at a time.
Many women do this until they eventually choose one of their dates as their boyfriends. Others don’t end up in committed relationships as a result of dating.
That’s why you should try to find out whether she’s dating other guys or not. How?
- Take a look at her social media profiles. Maybe you’ll find some clues there like pictures, check-ins, etc.
- Listen to her attentively and ask more questions about the other men she mentions often if any. They may be friends or more than friends.
- Ask her directly. Say something like, “I was wondering… am I the only guy you’re dating?”
- If you have friends in common, you can try to discreetly get the information from them.
14. Wait for the right time
Want to know a secret red flag that women have? Being asked to be in a relationship too soon.
I’ll add an extra one just for you: Being told “I love you” too soon.
So, don’t ask her to be your girlfriend after just one date! Continue to interact with her in person and online or via texts, and ask her on more dates.
Wait to see how things go with her. Find out if there’s any chemistry between the two of you and bond over your shared interests.
Build a deeper connection with her day by day and let things develop naturally. Whatever you do, don’t rush things, and don’t be pushy.
15. Analyze her body language
A woman’s body language can tell you many things about her feelings for you. So, pay attention to the following body language signs she likes you. You’ll thank me later!
- She looks deeply into your eyes. Whenever you catch her looking, she looks away and slightly smiles or blushes.
- She can’t stay still when you’re around. She must play with something in her hands, bite on a pen, or twist her hair on her finger.
- She doesn’t mind your physical proximity and leans in when you talk to her. She sometimes brushes against you and touches you playfully.
- She rubs her thighs unconsciously and starts sweating a bit in your presence.
- She becomes louder or clumsier around you. She laughs at everything you say and acts silly.
- She repeats phrases you often use, mirrors your body language, and displays open body language to you.
16. Use body language to express your feelings
She’s not the only one who can use body language to indirectly tell you she’s interested in you and attracted to you. You can do that too!
Hint at your feelings for her in the following ways:
- Break the touch barrier smoothly with a hug, a kiss on the cheek, an arm on her shoulder.
- Smile when you look at her and flirt with your eyes by gazing at her seductively – not staring.
- Keep your hands out of your pockets and position your body close to hers.
- Uncross your arms and legs to appear more inviting.
- Copy her body language and/or speech.
- Enhance your appearance around her by smoothing your clothes, hair, etc.
- Tilt your head when she’s talking to show interest.
You can go through our list of 40 Cute Ways to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend 😉
17. Gracefully take no for an answer
Let’s say you concluded the girl isn’t dating other guys and her body language around you is positive. You proceed to ask her to be your girlfriend, but she says no.
In the heat of the moment, you might be inclined to react negatively. That’s why it’s important to be prepared for rejection.
To gracefully take no for an answer, do this:
- Relax, stay calm, and continue to look at her.
- Refrain from frowning or making faces.
- Give a quick and clear answer, such as “Okay, I understand.”
- Listen to her to understand why she said no.
If she doesn’t say why she doesn’t want to be your GF, save that question for another time. Due to being rejected, you might not be in the right state of mind to hear that anyway.
Also, I can’t stress enough how important it is to stay in control of your emotions. If you don’t do that and get mad, start arguing, and so on, you’ll ruin your chances to ever get a yes from her.
18. Get comfortable with rejection
Let’s get something straight: Rejection is part of the whole dating experience. It’s absurd to think that every girl you’ll ever like will like you back. That’s impossible.
What’s more, you have to accept there are aspects you cannot control. For example, a girl might like you, but she might not be ready to be in a relationship due to other reasons or she might have other priorities.
Whatever it is, it’s not about you. Believe in that and you’ll be okay.
Otherwise, you might end up taking rejection too seriously and it will be more difficult for you to recover from rejection, as shown by 2016 Stanford research.
Alternatively, if you’re introverted or shy then you could use this guide to learn how to ask a girl out over text.
Summary:
Let’s recap the steps!
Approach the girl with a friendly attitude and build rapport by asking her engaging and open-ended questions, sharing thoughts and feelings, and flirting with her.
Make sure your physical appearance is on point and the timing is right when you ask her. Think of first-date ideas prior to asking her and pop the question only when you’re alone together.
Make her feel happy by joking around, being playful, and surprising her with small gifts or flowers. Ensure the success of your date by choosing based on her interests and preferences.
Keep her interested and intrigued and go on more dates with her before asking her to be your girlfriend. Gauge her interest in you and express yours using body language.
When it feels right, try to take things to the next level with her.
In case of rejection, remember to: react calmly and positively, and don’t take it personally. Odds are you won’t find your match made in heaven on the first try.
