How to Ask a Girl Out Over Text?

I can tell you for sure that texting back and forth with a girl can get you a date! 

She’ll say “yes” in no time if you follow the right steps and behave naturally with her.

So, leave all your worries behind and take action! Here’s what you should do:

How to Ask a Girl Out Over Text:

Step A: Get to know each other over text

I never agreed to go on a date with a guy I didn’t know well or at all and I know most girls would do the same.

That’s why I strongly recommend to build a connection with her first. Exchange text messages with her to get to know her better and give her the chance to familiarize herself with you as well.

Go through the next 2 steps to achieve that and then express your interest in her by flirting.

1. Ask the right questions

You can get her talking and keep the conversation going if you ask her open-ended questions.

What are open-ended questions? They are the opposite of yes/no questions.

They work like magic because they encourage her to freely speak her mind. 

Bad example: Do you like pop music?

Good example: What kind of music do you listen to?

As for your choice of topics, ask her whatever interests you. Genuinely express your curiosity about her.

Don’t ask her general questions if you’re not truly interested in her answers. Ask her about her quirks if that’s something you’re curious about.

The choice is yours as long as you don’t cross any lines. Refrain from formulating inquiries that are too personal or sexual for now.

Why? That’s not a good way to get a girl to come out of her shell. If you do that, you’ll come on too strong and you might scare her away.

2. Rely on self-disclosure

Why is self-disclosure important?

  • She learns more things about you
  • It creates a sense of intimacy
  • You show vulnerability
  • It encourages her to share personal things

Studies have shown that self-disclosure is known to deepen any bond, especially the romantic kind. By sharing a personal story or more with her, you’ll make her feel closer to you.

If you choose to tell her about something few other people know, she will perceive the information as valuable, which in turn might make her feel special .

What’s more, it could determine her to show you her vulnerable side as well. 

Don’t know what to say? Examples are short narratives from your life that are either interesting or amusing.

Let’s say she shares an event from her childhood with you. You can tell her something similar from your childhood as a response.

3. Set the stage by flirting

Friendships between men and women are common these days. What does this mean for you?

It means you should express your romantic interest in her by flirting with her. Otherwise, she’ll think you just want to be friends.

Here’s how to flirt with a girl via text:

  • Stand out by texting her more than “hi” to begin with
  • Make her laugh with funny photos, links to funny videos, etc.
  • Don’t take too long to send a reply to her
  • Use emojis such as 😘 😍 and 😏
  • Give her compliments that highlight her uniqueness
  • Keep your messages short and sweet

Pro tip: End the conversation when it’s going well. 

Why? Because doing that will pique her interest in you. Especially if your conversation is going well, she will feel sorry you have to go. 

You’ll leave her thinking of you and wondering when you’ll talk again. In addition to that, you’ll not give her the impression you’re overly available or needy.

Step B: Ask her out for a date over text

As a result of building rapport with her, she’s likely to respond positively to your invitation. 

However, things like your choice of words and her mood could negatively influence her response. Take that into account and things should go smoothly!

Remember to compliment her and have a few specific date ideas in mind before you ask her.

Let’s take them one by one:

4. Start with a good opening line

When I was single, I used to hate receiving one-line texts. They all started with “Hi, how are you?”

Honestly, I didn’t know how to reply. I was asking myself whether, to be honest and spill the beans about my real mood or respond briefly with no emotion.

That’s something you want to avoid. Instead, add a hook or a reference to something you’ve talked about in the past in your text.

Good examples:

“Hey, I have a surprise for you! Let me know when you’re available to talk. – The surprise could be that you bought tickets to a new movie she wanted to see, or anything similar.”

“Hi, how is your day going? I’ve been thinking about asking you something… If you’re curious, get in touch with me.”

In both examples, you give her the chance to tell you about her mood first, and you don’t disclose your real intentions. That’s useful in case she’s upset or stressed.

5. Determine whether she’s interested

Her reaction to your initial text is your guide here. Maybe your timing isn’t right and you should not ask her out on a date.

If she doesn’t seem enthusiastic to find out what surprise you have for her or curious about what you want to ask her, wait for another time.

The same goes if she starts complaining about various things she’s going through or things that happened to her that day.

However, if she responds positively and wants to hear about your surprise or your question, then you have the green light to ask her out.

Continue your train of thought and tell her what you have in mind for the two of you.

6. Say something nice about her

Complimenting a girl via text works well on multiple levels:

  • You express your interest in her
  • You make her feel special and flatter her
  • It’s a good way to start asking her out

The secret? Highlight the most unique things you notice about her. Mention her peculiarities if she has any. 

Also, refrain from stating the obvious about her. I’m sure other guys tell her she’s beautiful all the time.

To give perfect compliments, ask yourself, “What do I like about her?” and “How does she make me feel?”

Here’s example of good compliments:

  • “Your energy and enthusiasm for life is so refreshing! I’d be lucky to get to know you better over dinner sometime.”
  • “You have such an amazing sense of humor and way of looking at things. I’d really enjoy getting to hear more of your hilarious stories in person!”
  • “You seem like such a cool, genuine person. I feel like we’d have a great time grabbing lunch together and getting to know each other more.”
  • “I’m really impressed by your passion for [her interests/hobbies]. You must have some fascinating perspectives to share. Maybe we could chat more over appetizers this weekend?”

Pro tip: Compliment her before asking her out. It’s a good way to set the the stage for what you’re about to do.

7. Suggest a time and place for your date

In case everything goes well, suggest when and where to meet for your date.

You could say, “Can I pick you up on Saturday at noon for lunch?” or “At what time are you free on Saturday to go to the movies?” or “How does coffee and a walk in the park sound? When are you available?”

Rather than specifying a fixed time, you can let her choose, according to her schedule. However, remember to mention when you’re not available if that’s applicable.

Being flexible about when to go out on a date is essential because you can dodge a negative response from her.

If she’s not available on Saturday at noon (like in the example), she might say “no” to you, a fact that may be confusing.

A “no” from her could mean she’s busy that day or that she refuses your invitation. 

8. React appropriately if she says no

Whenever a girl says “no” to your invitation, make sure you understand the message. 

Does she mean she refuses to go on a date with you? Find out by saying something like, “No problem! How about another time? When are you free?”

If she tells you she doesn’t know or she’s unsure, she’s most probably not interested. Gracefully back off by texting her, “I understand. I had to ask 😉” or “Okay, no problem.”

But if she mentions a specific day and time when she’s available, that’s great! It means you got yourself a date with her. Start preparing for your date ASAP!

9. Text her after your first date

Expressing gratitude has shown to deepen people’s connections and make them feel closer to each other.

You can do that over text, especially after your first date. Send her a “thank you” text. Tell her what you liked about your date and what it felt like.

Also, don’t shy away from asking her out on a second date. If you think there’s chemistry between the two of you and she enjoyed herself with you, then you shouldn’t wait.

I think it’s sweet when men show enthusiasm rather than acting too cool. Of course, there’s a limit. Do your best to not come off as desperate.

What if she doesn’t text you back right away?

Have patience and don’t jump to conclusions. She might be busy doing something else.

Step C: Ask her to be your girlfriend over text

If you like her and you think she likes you back, you can ask her to be your girlfriend after going on a few dates with her.

You can do that over text – especially if that’s your main channel of communication. 

10. Look for signs she’s into you

How do you know when a girl is interested in you romantically? She does one or more of the following:

  • She initiates conversations with you
  • She gives you compliments
  • She asks questions about you
  • She smiles when she sees you
  • She makes eye contact with you
  • She is physically affectionate with you
  • She laughs out loud at your jokes
  • She seems agitated in your presence
  • She makes thoughtful gestures
  • She asks you out on dates too
  • She gives you small gifts
  • She sends you good morning or good night texts
  • She tells you a secret or more
  • She flirts with you and acts playful
  • She blushes when you compliment her

Not all girls will give you the same signs. So, pay attention to her body language around you and her behavior around you to gauge her interest in you.

Alternatively, you could go through this article to learn How to Tell if a Girl Likes You Over Text?

11. Wait for the right time to ask her

The problem with asking a girl to be your girlfriend over text is choosing the right moment. In this regard, it is recommended to avoid asking her during the morning. 

I don’t know about you, but I am usually not in a chatty mood in the morning. I prefer to take things easy and not make important decisions until after I drink a cup of coffee.

Mornings are usually hard for people who have to get to school or work. So, wait for a better time, such as during the evening or weekend.

Choose a time when she is relaxed and open to conversation. Otherwise, if she’s stressed, in a bad mood, or distracted, you might not get the answer you’re hoping for.

Don’t panic if she takes more time than usual to send you a text back. She could be overwhelmed with emotion, surprised, or thinking about it.

12. Ask her to be your girlfriend via text

Look, you can’t simply ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend without easing her into it. 

Instead, start by complimenting her and telling her how you feel about her. Send her a few short and sweet texts revealing your feelings.

Then, wait to see how she responds or ask her if she feels the same way about you. Give her a few minutes to text you back.

Based on her positive response, you can proceed to ask her to be your girlfriend. Simply ask, “Will you be my girlfriend?”

What if she doesn’t compliment you back and doesn’t share her feelings? You can still ask her. You have the right to know where things stand with her.

For the most genuine outcome, let her decide without pressuring her. Give her time to think if she needs any.

13. React positively regardless of her response

I know what you’re thinking… “How can I react positively if she says no?”

Reacting positively means refraining from making her feel guilty, saying mean things to her, getting mad at her, being sarcastic, etc.

I’m not saying to express happiness when she refuses you. I’m saying to keep your chin up and react gracefully. Thank her for her time and tell her you still value your friendship.

What if she says “yes”? If she says “yes” that’s awesome! You can tell her how that makes you feel, without being too much. 


Now that you know the main steps to ask a girl out over text, you should be ready to put them into practice!

Pave your way to her heart by building a connection with her first. Give her a chance to get to know you better before you start flirting with her.

Discover her unique features and personality traits and then compliment her via text. Gauge her interest in you and wait for the right time to ask her out on a date.

Also, remember to communicate clearly in your texts and respect her boundaries and choices. Enjoy the experience and stop obsessing over the outcome. 

The way I see it, you won’t know unless you ask, so take a leap of faith and pop the question! 

Daniela Duca Damian
About Daniela Duca Damian

A journalist by profession, Daniela has been sharing her knowledge and personal experience in the psychology of love and relationships for the past 5 years. Her work is based on facts, practical advice and is meant to help everyone achieve their romantic goals. When she isn’t writing, she challenges her friends with meaningful questions about life.

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