A mad girlfriend is difficult to handle, especially if you said or did something to make her feel that way.
However, if youâre aware of the issue, you can calmly get to the bottom of it with the help of the soft approach.
Things get more challenging if your girlfriend acts childish, gets mad at you based on her thoughts, not your actions, and displays controlling behavior.
If that happens, then you have no choice but to put the hard approach into play.
Either way, try to maintain a positive attitude and take the right steps to get things back on track with her.
After all, not all conflict is bad. Hereâs what Kathryn Ely, MA, LPC said about it:
âConflict and discussion, if handled in a mature manner, is necessary for relationships to grow deeper and stronger by developing healthy boundaries.â
In other words, your girlfriend being mad at you can turn out to be a good thing. Although definitely not pleasant, it can be a constructive experience.
Letâs get into the details!
What to Do When Your Girlfriend is Mad at You
Step A: The Soft Approach
1. Give her space
Immediately after your girlfriend gets mad, she needs a little space from you. She needs to process her emotions and calm down.
Any attempt to force her to talk about what happened will fail because of what sheâs feeling. Not to mention that itâs not recommended either.
You see, when you annoy her, offend her, or hurt her, her mind becomes clouded. So, she canât hear you out and she most probably doesnât want to either.
Depending on how serious things are, she might need space from you for a few minutes, or maybe days.
Whatâs more, if you start explaining yourself or apologizing right away, chances are sheâll think youâre insincere and youâd say anything to fix what happened.
Meanwhile, you should also reflect on the situation.
2. Stay calm and listen
When sheâs ready to talk, make sure youâre also ready to listen.
A good boyfriend always avoidsâŚ
- ⌠raising his voiceÂ
- ⌠interrupting her
- ⌠blaming her
- ⌠getting mad as well
What matters most now is to let her vent and explain why she got mad at you (even if you already know what you did wrong).
In this regard, there could be countless reasons. Maybe you didnât meet her expectations or you neglected her.
Or maybe thereâs a misunderstanding between the two of you due to miscommunication.
Whatever it is, listen to what she wants to tell you. Listen attentively and donât think about what to say next. Try to absorb the info you get from her.
Also, do whatâs best for the two of you, and donât get defensive. If you do, youâll probably end up arguing or fighting again.
3. Put yourself in her shoes
All my life Iâve been hearing that men lack empathy. I donât think thatâs true.
What does it really mean to be empathic?
It means to put yourself in another personâs shoes. To be more precise, it means to imagine you are your girlfriend and look at things from her point of view.
Otherwise, itâs unlikely to understand her perspective. So, put your ego aside for a minute and try to figure out where sheâs coming from.
Let me give you an example:
Letâs say making plans is important for your girlfriend. However, theyâre not important for you. Youâre what they call a âgo-with-the-flow guyâ.
Naturally, you donât understand how it is to be anxious or her need to make plans. You react as if her problem isnât serious.
But if you imagine being her, youâll see why it matters – This is empathy.
4. Admit when youâre wrong
I have a million-dollar question for you:
Is it right to ignore your girlfriendâs supposed need to make plans just because you donât care about making plans?
No, of course not! So what should you say?
âI can see where youâre coming from. I am used to not making plans and I didnât consider your need. I was wrong to do so. â
In the example above, I used âIâ statements. Why?
American therapist and writer Harville Hendrix explains why:
“When we use ‘I’ statements, we express our emotions and needs directly, which can prevent misunderstandings and defensiveness in relationships.”
She wonât think youâre blaming her and besides that, sheâll see youâre serious about fixing things with her.
5. Apologize to her
After you admit you were wrong, itâs time to apologize to her.Â
As discussed in a conflict management article, an apology can be a powerful catalyst for conflict resolution and it should include the following:
Begin by saying âIâm sorry.â Saying sorry is essential. Your GF needs to hear it. She also needs to see that you understand what you did wrong.
Thatâs why mentioning exactly what you did wrong is a must. At this point, you should try to explain yourself. But whatever you do, donât make excuses.
Whatâs more, a good apology should also come with an assurance, such as telling her you wonât ever do it again and asking her how to make it up to her.
Of course, for the apology to work and lead to forgiveness, you must be 100% honest.
According to a study done by Wen Jie Jin, Sang Hee Park, and Joonha Park, a sincere apology has a powerful impact. It can actually alleviate numerous negative consequences.
As for forgiveness, it can relieve negative feelings. This means you should pursue it whenever you make a mistake.
6. Give her a tight hug
The next step in your approach is based on another scientific fact: hugging acts as a buffer in interpersonal conflicts.Â
In 2018, Michael L. M. Murphy. Denise Janicki-Deverts and Sheldon Cohen conducted a study in which they discovered that people who get hugged on days with conflict experienced fewer negative feelings compared to those who donât get hugged.
Whatâs more, they also concluded that hugs have a long-lasting impact on a personâs emotional well-being. As you probably know, physical affection stimulates the brain to produce oxytocin.
Oxytocin is a feel-good chemical that enhances bonding and closeness between two people.
Simply put, the effects of hugging your girlfriend are positive and could help her forgive you more easily.
So, if you want to make your girlfriend happy then GO HUG HER.
7. Reassure her of your love
A simple mistake can make your GF doubt the love you have for her, not to mention a big one. The entire foundation of your relationship can be affected by lying, breaking promises, etc.
So what can you do to avoid that and make it better? Reassure her of your love!
A whopping 95% of all women who participated in a study published in the book For Men Only by Jeff Feldhahn agree itâs incredibly comforting when their partner reassures them of their love.
To do that for your girlfriend, reaffirm your relationship as well as your commitment to the relationship, express appreciation for her qualities and what she does for you, and promise her youâll work on improving yourself, and your relationship.
8. Understand her love language
My boyfriend and I have different love languages. Our relationship was shaky at the beginning because of that until I figured it all out.
When I was mad, he was giving me gifts I didnât want or need.
Why?
His love language is gift-giving. Thatâs how he feels the most loved.
But I needed to hear him say he was sorry and to be reassured of his love.
Why?
Because my love language is words of affirmation. Thatâs how I feel the most loved.
To give your GF what she needs in general and when sheâs mad, discover her love language and act based on it.
Observe how she expresses affection for you to learn more about what she wants and needs from you.
The other love languages are acts of service, physical touch, and quality time.
9. Put a smile on her face
Unless you cheated on her or seriously betrayed her, you can use humor to lighten up the mood and transition from talking about the problem/disagreement to something else.
A good joke always works on me. I mean, just because I feel a little hurt, it doesnât matter I lose my sense of humor.
Laughing not only eases the tension and promotes the production of feel-good chemicals, but it also increases feelings of affection between romantic partners, as shown by Laura E. Kurtz and Sara B. Algoe in their 2015 study.
Whatâs more, if you manage to make her laugh, you remind her how attracted she is to you. This is also a scientific finding. In fact, several studies lead to the same conclusion:
Funny men are more desirable.
Duane E. Lundy, Josephine Tan, and Michael R. Cunningham conducted a similar study in 2005 that confirms what we already know – The funnier you are, the more women are attracted to you.
I recommend you to going though my article: How to Cheer up Your Girlfriend: (Based on 5 Love Language)
10. Communicate openly and check-in
I wish I could tell you thatâs it. But itâs notâŚ
One heartfelt apology wonât get you total forgiveness and she wonât forget about your misunderstanding or mistake anytime soon.
Negative experiences and feelings tend to stay with us longer than positive ones. Thatâs why you can expect to talk about the same topic again.
To be on top of the situation, you can bring it up yourself and show her youâre not assuming everything is fine; youâre checking in.
Good and open communication between partners has proven benefits. A study published in Better Health Victoria shows it makes it easier to deal with conflicts and build stronger and healthier relationships.
11. Regain her trust
If youâve done something serious to break her trust, you should work on regaining it.
Maybe you made many promises you didnât keep and now she doesnât believe you anymore. Or, maybe you lied to her and now she questions everything you say.
Or, maybe you were disloyal to her and now she doesnât trust you at all. All of these are damaging in any relationship.
Is staying loyal an issue for you? If it is, then here are 5 ways to stay loyal:
- Remember you want to be in a relationship with her
- Remind yourself what you like about her
- Prioritize spending time with her
- Donât be emotionally open to someone else
- Understand a relationship has ups and downs
Step B: The Hard Approach
12. Ignore the bad things she says
If your girlfriend is mad and starts making mean statements and accusing you of various things that are absurd, not true, or a product of her imagination, try to ignore what she says.
Do your best to change the subject and donât engage in an argument with her. Especially if she goes on and on about something youâve already talked about, you should redirect the conversation.
Pick a neutral or positive topic to defuse the tension and stop things from escalating.
This tactic works if your girlfriend is being childish or jealous without reason. It also works if sheâs breaking one of your boundaries by trying to convince you to do something youâre not comfortable with.
Or, if sheâs trying to manipulate you into doing something she wants.
13. Take a thoughtful timeout
In a relationship, both parties have to sometimes agree to disagree. This means to accept that you have different views or opinions about something.
However, if your girlfriend has a hard time accepting that and wants to continue arguing with you, then you can take a thoughtful timeout. By this, I mean to be silent for a while.
Before you do that though, make sure she understands you no longer wish to continue talking about the issue.
Being silent can be helpful as long as you donât use it to manipulate her. Thatâs when it becomes abusive, as explained in an article published on Very Well Mind.
You may use the silent treatment to deal with a controlling and manipulating girlfriend. As long as itâs not meant to hurt her, but to protect you, itâs a good tactic.
14. Try the no-contact rule
Lots of girls refuse to talk to their boyfriends when theyâre mad at them. Some of them think itâs a way to teach them a lesson.
They ignore their boyfriends when they text them or call them and disregard their efforts to connect.
If the same happens to you, then mirror her behavior. Refrain from reaching out to her and wait for her to make a move first.
She wonât expect that, a fact which will definitely surprise her and could determine her to change her behavior with you.
Even so, you might have to wait for a while. Patience is key when she ignores you or initiates a period of silence.
I used to do this all the time when my ex-boyfriends did something to upset me. I ignored them until I felt better and I thought I was punishing them for what theyâd done.
Was I wrong? Absolutely!
I was the toxic person in my relationships because I was using power play, instead of talking about the problem like a grownup would.
Remember, the no-contact rule is applicable only when dealing with toxic romantic partners.
15. Mirror her speech
Another thing you can do if youâre in a situation where your girlfriend has doubts about you is to respond in the same way. Tell her you have doubts about her as well.
Or, letâs take the most common scenario: Your GF accuses you of flirting with other girls based on her insecurities, not based on something youâve said or done.
How will you react to that? By accusing her of the same thing.
In this way, you might help her realize youâre both in the same situation. You could even manage to create a sense of empathy and understanding.
16. Take a break from each other
I know this is not what you want to hear now, but when everything else fails, you have no other choice but to take a break from your girlfriend.
Physically distancing yourself for a while and not talking to her could provide clarity and allow your emotions and hers to settle.
In his study, Nathan Cobb, Ph.D. found that if you both calm down, itâs more likely to find solutions to your problems.
So, if you think thereâs no other way to mend your relationship with her, then maybe creating enough space between the two of you will bring you back together.
Summary
When dealing with a mad girlfriend, you have 2 options: the soft approach or the hard approach.
The soft approach works if thereâs a misunderstanding, you make a mistake, or mess up really badly and break her trust.
The hard approach works if she acts childish, doesn’t respect your boundaries, or tries to control you in various ways.
Choose the one that aligns with your relationship dynamics and values, and remember that communication, empathy, and respect are essential in resolving conflicts.
