How to Be a Good Boyfriend: 17+ Ways To Transform Yourself

How confident are you that you’re a good boyfriend? 

If you want to ensure that you’re doing it right and making that “good boyfriend material” impression, you’re in luck because we have some advice to help you along the way. 

While there’s always the option of blundering through a relationship and making faux pas as you go, if you’ve found the woman of your dreams, you will likely want to show her you’re a catch. 

And being a catch requires you to be a good boyfriend. 

But where to begin?

Being a good boyfriend is about more than just doing one thing right. It’s about doing a lot of little things right. 

It’s about striking a careful balance between respect and playfulness while providing just enough love and attentiveness to keep her coming back for more. 

If you’re up for learning something (or a few things) new, read on to discover 18 things you can do to ensure you’re a good boyfriend below.

18 Ways to become a Good Boyfriend Material & Keep Her Interested:

1. Establish Clear Relationship Boundaries

While a bit of mystery can be interesting, no woman likes to be kept guessing. If you still need to define the relationship or have an honest and open conversation about what you want from the relationship, now is the time to do it. 

Be upfront and honest about your boundaries, desires, and wants regarding time spent together, communication styles that work for you, and physical intimacy. 

You might ask her if you can talk about where she sees the relationship going or what she wants from it. Be upfront, but gentle – share your personal feelings and needs with her too.

You can say something like, “Are you looking for a casual relationship or something more serious?” When she answers, follow it up with your own answer so that she, too, knows where she stands. 

2. Identify & nurture her Love Language

Everyone has a “love language” that determines how we treat others and how we expect to be loved. 

Gary Chapman, Ph.D., author and renowned counselor, released his book The Five Love Languages in 1992. The content of this book was so popular and helpful that in 2009, it was still a top seller in its category!

In his book, Chapman explains that humans have five main love languages – and most humans focus on two in their lives.

These are:

  • Words of affirmation

Words of affirmation are about giving genuine compliments and openly declaring your love for her. You could tell her how wonderful she makes you feel or try to tell her every once in a while just how valued she is.

  • Quality time

Spending time together and spending quality time together are two different things. For instance, reclining on the couch after work together while scrolling on your phones doesn’t constitute quality time. However, you can spend quality time planning fun activities together to create lasting memories. 

  • Gifts

If her main love language is getting meaningful or interesting gifts, she won’t place as much importance on compliments (as an example). Gifts don’t have to be expensive – you can even make a few cute gifts such as pressing flowers for her that you saw one morning or writing her a love letter to remind her just how much she means to you. 

  • Physical touch

If your girlfriend values physical touch, you must be prepared to give her regular affection in public and private. This includes holding hands, back rubbing, hugging, and kissing.

  • Acts of service

Acts of service may sound strange, but it’s about doing something to help her or make her burdens smaller. For instance, you may make her coffee every morning or fill her car with gas the night before so she is on time for work the next day. 

Believe it or not, having insight into your girlfriend’s love language will help you understand her more deeply. And this can come in handy in many areas. 

Say, for instance, her love language is quality time. This means she places value on quality time over most other things. 

Now you have insight into date ideas (no flowers for her, take her on an adventure – just the two of you), and know how to quell her fears in an argument – essentially, you know how to make her happy!

3. Strengthen Intimacy through Nonverbal Communication

Words are often easily come by, but actions speak a little louder than words. 

She will immediately see you as a quality boyfriend by showing her that you mean what you say and aren’t afraid to do so. Be willing to back up your words with actions.

Some ways you can use non-verbal communication to strengthen your intimate bond is to do things that you wouldn’t generally do with other people. 

For instance, hold her hand when you’re out in public or put your arm around her and draw her closer when standing in a queue. You can also sit a little closer to her when out for dinner or socializing, look deeply into her eyes when she’s talking to you, and touch her gently when you’re going on a walk, watching a movie, or simply spending time together.

4. Give her your undivided attention when she speaks

Genuine connection is something that’s dying out nowadays. It’s easy to half-listen to someone while you type on your phone or scroll through social media. 

Screens seem to be taking over our lives, robbing us of deeper intimacy with our partners.

If you want your girlfriend to see you as a good boyfriend, show her she is more important than half-hearted listening. 

Put your phone down, pause the movie, or tear your eyes away from the latest tech product you’re ogling and give her your full attention. 

You can use body language and verbal cues to show her you’re listening. For instance, nod your head from time to time, make a comment or ask questions, and make good eye contact. 

5. Show her some loving gestures

It’s easy to fall into the everyday humdrum when you’ve known each other briefly. 

Unfortunately, this can lead to the relationship becoming stale. Instead, try to continue showing her that you’re committed, interested, and value her. 

You can do this through small loving gestures regularly. 

You don’t have to spend money on this. You can cook her favorite dinner one evening, bring her coffee in the morning, or recommend watching a movie together that she’s dying to see, even though you’re not keen on it. It’s the little things that count. 

6. Give her genuine compliments

Whether words of affirmation are her love language or not, everyone can benefit from a genuine compliment from time to time. 

Be genuine about it – you don’t want to rattle off generic compliments because they seem like the right thing to say. 

If you think she looks beautiful, tell her. If you like what she is wearing, let her know. Of course, she will love that her boyfriend finds her alluring or attractive.

7. Create Unforgettable Moments on Special Occasions

If you’re the type that never remembers a birthday or milestone, you might want to start organizing your calendar notifications!

A forgotten anniversary or birthday can sting and certainly won’t show you up as a great boyfriend. 

A good boyfriend remembers the special days and tries to make them memorable by arranging thoughtful surprises or gifts. 

Avoid generic gifts and find ways to make her surprises and gifts more personalized. For instance, if your girlfriend is crazy about French Bulldogs, get her a diary with French Bulldogs on the cover or a tee-shirt with a French Bulldog joke. 

She’ll love that you know what her interests are and that you want to make her happy!

8. Cultivate Trust as the Cornerstone of Your Relationship

Trust is at the heart of any thriving relationship, and if you want to be a good boyfriend, you have to show her that she can trust you. 

There are several ways that you can cultivate trust in a relationship. The first way is to give her trust. Show her that you’re secure and confident in the relationship because you trust. 

This could involve never picking up her phone to read messages and never questioning her or lashing out just because you’re feeling a little bit jealous.

Other ways you can cultivate trust are:

  • By always being honest about where you are and what you’re doing – you don’t have to provide her with a full report, but by letting her know what you’re up to, you’re allowing her to trust you and giving her a reason to trust you too.
  • Checking in with her occasionally when you’re out socializing without her. This lets her know that while you’re not there, you’re still thinking about her and that no one else has entirely stolen all of your attention.
  • Being open about the way you think and feel about everything, so she knows where you stand on certain issues and topics. This lets her know that even if you don’t think and feel the same about something, she can always trust you to tell her the truth – and there’s real value in that.
  • Behaving appropriately with members of the opposite sex. This doesn’t mean you can’t have friends of the opposite sex. It means you aren’t sending sexy photos, sexting, or meeting up with other women without her knowing. A general rule of thumb is to avoid things you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing in front of your girlfriend.

9. Empower her to Reach her Full Potential

Having unfailing support can be motivating. A good boyfriend helps her become the best version of herself. 

If you’re helping her reach her goals and realize her dreams, you’re doing something right – and it’s a big thing! 

If your girlfriend has certain professional or personal goals and desires, encourage her to work towards them. 

Check in with her on them and her progress occasionally to show her that what is important to her is important to you too. 

Let’s say, for example, that your girlfriend has always wanted to write a book to inspire and help other women. If she still needs to start, encourage her to spend just one hour writing to get a start on the book, and offer to read it and provide her with feedback. 

10. Provide Unwavering Support in All Aspects

A good boyfriend isn’t just there for the good times. He is there all the time.

While it can feel overwhelming for you if your girlfriend is going through a tough time or isn’t well, you still need to show up and provide support. 

Let’s say that you have plans with your girlfriend for the weekend but she has come down with a cold and can no longer go.

Instead of heading out for some time with the guys and ditching her because she won’t be any fun, take her some soup and medication and offer to watch her favorite movies with her while she recovers. 

Whether she needs physical affection, a shoulder to cry on, or financial support, try to be there as much as possible. 

11. Embrace and Learn from Differences and Disagreements

It’s somewhat natural to want to dig your heels in and argue your point when your partner has a different perspective or belief to you, but this is counterproductive. 

Being a good boyfriend doesn’t require you to give up all of your own beliefs and ideas, but rather requires you to work on finding common ground. 

If your girlfriend disagrees with you or has a different perspective, try to understand why she has these beliefs and perspectives.

You may just find that you can live in perfect harmony despite your differences. 

In fact, it can be refreshing to be exposed to an entirely different perspective altogether.

12. Cherish and Prioritize Quality Time Together

Having a girlfriend is more than having someone to attend functions with or text when you’re not busy.

To be a good boyfriend, you should prioritize spending quality time together. Only through shared memories and fun times can a deep and strong bond be nurtured. 

Plan special dates and surprises to show her she’s important to you. Try to mix it up so that you keep things interesting

What can you do together?

There are so many options! You can go ten-pin bowling, hiking, wine tasting, cycling, or even do a class together. The more creative you are, the better. 

13. Demonstrate Thoughtfulness in Everyday Life

Thoughtfulness is an important aspect of being a good boyfriend. 

If your girlfriend can see that you’ve put some thought and effort into something instead of just opting for the generic, she’ll appreciate you more and see your true value. 

For instance, buy her favorite takeout instead of yours, send her a cute pic wearing the t-shirt she got you, ditch the idea of flowers and chocolates and get her a personalized gift, and surprise her with movie tickets to the latest rom-com even if you hate them, or leave a few handwritten notes for her to find and feel special.

14. Connect with and Value her Personal Relationships

When you date someone, you date their family, best friend, and loved ones. 

To be a good boyfriend, you must develop a genuine relationship with each of the most important people in her life. 

This doesn’t mean that you must become her brother’s best friend or spend every waking moment with her best girlfriend, but it does mean building positive relationships and not talking negatively about the people she cares about. 

15. Focus on Personal Growth

Working on yourself and having your own hobbies and interests is great for several reasons. 

For starters, it makes you more interesting and keeps her attention. It also shows that you value yourself, and if you do, she will find value in you too. 

Instead of expecting to spend every waking moment with her, focus on areas of your life that need improvement and get to work. 

Also, take care of your mental and physical health so that you can be the best version of yourself for her (and you).

16. Manage Conflict Effectively

While your first instant may be to yell and shout when things don’t go your way, avoid this at all costs. Conflict management is important in any relationship and can be the straw that breaks the proverbial camel’s back if you don’t get it right. 

It’s okay to feel angry and frustrated. How you handle it and react will show your girlfriend exactly what kind of boyfriend you are. 

It’s important to navigate conflict and disagreements in a healthy and constructive way. 

This means allowing some time for tempers to cool and then setting time aside to have a frank yet respectful conversation with each other. 

While you feel angry in the moment, words can cause harm and resentment, so focus on talking openly and trying to find a resolution instead of trying to be right. 

17. Explore Shared Interests and Experiences

Couples that play together stay together! There’s a lot of truth in that. 

Having shared interests and experiences can develop a stronger bond and help you build meaningful memories that last a lifetime. 

If you already have a shared interest, explore it together. If you don’t try to figure out what you would both like to do. 

You could create a bucket list of activities together or list a few possible hobbies you have never tried and then set times to go out together and try them out. You may find that you thoroughly enjoy trying new things together and that becomes your shared hobby!

18. Conduct Regular Relationship Check-ins

While you don’t want to bombard your girlfriend with constant conversations of feelings and expectations, it’s good to check in every now and again to ensure that she’s happy and the relationship is on track. 

This is a good way to ensure that you’re both on the same page and can work constructively together if either person is unhappy or feels their expectations aren’t being met. 

These conversations need to be approached with caution but with a certain amount of openness. 

Takeaway

Being a gentleman doesn’t require you to be a pushover and will score you exceptional points if you’re trying to make a good impression on your girlfriend. Take the time to be attentive to her needs and handle the relationship with care. Following the above pointers will position you as a great boyfriend in her eyes, not just a good one! 

Jayme Wium
About Jayme Wium

Jayme is a professional writer with 13 years of experience and a qualified relationship and communication counsellor. She lives in the United Kingdom with her Daxies, reading and writing as much as her free time will allow.

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