Are you on team Elton John and think sorry is the hardest word?
OrâŚ
Are you looking to craft the perfect apology for your boyfriend and donât know where to start?
Either way, this article is for you!
If something you said or did hurt your boyfriendâs feelings, showing remorse is the best way to go. Saying sorry is a powerful thing, and its benefits go beyond being forgiven.
Read on for the full apology guide!
Hereâs How To Apologize To Your Boyfriend After You Hurt Him
1. Admit Youâve Hurt Your Partnerâs Feelings
1.1. Give The Situation Some Thought and Try to Put Yourself in His Shoes
At first, you might not even realize youâve upset or made your partner mad. Some guys donât make it easy for their partners to tell theyâre emotionally wounded.
My boyfriend, for example, is either mean to me or gives me the silent treatment when I do him wrong.
Or, even if he makes it obvious, you might not know why. That takes a bit of reflection, and it requires you to examine the situation from both perspectives.
To begin with, by simply acknowledging what had happened, youâre already one step closer to making a proper apology.
1.2. Look At The Facts Objectively without Making Excuses for Yourself
To find out exactly what led to having an argument with him or saying something hurtful to him, look at the facts.
Replay what happened in your mind; try to be as neutral as possible while doing that. Donât make excuses for yourself.
Even if you feel entitled to something, this doesnât mean that others canât react negatively to it.
Remember: This is about how your boyfriend felt.
1.3. Analyze Your Behavior and Determine What Triggered It
Now is the time to remember what triggered your behavior. What determined you to react the way you did?
I have no clue what happened between the two of you, but maybe you got jealous? Maybe your insecurities got the best of you. Only you can answer this question.
2. Wait For The Right Moment To Say Sorry
2.1. Donât Apologize Right Away When Youâre Both Emotional
When emotions run high, people tend to be quite unpredictable. If you make a mistake, you might feel pressured to apologize even if you donât fully understand what you did wrong.
However, thatâs not the way to go. Why?
- Your boyfriend might think youâre insincere.
- He might be inclined to reject your apology.
- You might make the same mistake because you donât know what you did wrong.
2.2. Wait For The Right Time When Youâre Both Ready To Talk
Even if you regret your actions immediately and know how they affected your partner, itâs still not recommended to express remorse immediately.
Remember: Your boyfriend is going through some difficult moments. He needs to calm down first and process his emotions. He could be sad, mad, offended, or betrayed.
These are not easy feelings to deal with, so waiting for the right time to have a constructive talk is essential. Just because youâre ready to apologize, this doesnât mean he is ready to hear it.
Depending on the gravity of the situation, you might have to wait between 10 minutes to a few days.
If, for example, you lashed out at him for no apparent reason, itâs okay to explain yourself shortly after you calm down and realize you were wrong to do that.
However, if, letâs say, you get caught lying about something, well, that might require you to do some thinking and truly make amends because breaking his trust is something serious.
2.3. Pick a Place Free of Distractions and Intimate as Well
The place where you say sorry also counts. It must be an intimate place, somewhere nothing and no one could interrupt you.
Interruptions are highly undesirable because you might lose your train of thought and not deliver a proper apology.
As for intimacy, itâs always better to keep things between you and him. Donât share the most private details of your relationship with others or apologize publicly.
3. Apologize From The Bottom Of Your Heart
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology in 2017 highlights just how important showing remorse is:
- It reduces the other personâs desire to get back at you.
- It makes them more willing to hear you out and reconcile.
- It increases their desire to forgive you.
3.1. Say Sorry Like You Mean It
Things that you show you genuinely sorry are:
- Making eye contact with your boyfriend while expressing regret.
- Using a sincere tone, not saying something mechanical or laughing (some people tend to laugh out of nervousness).
- Choosing simple, but effective words.
3.2. Apologize and Admit Your Mistakes
The best way to start an apology is by saying âIâm sorryâ. Next, itâs ideal to state what youâre sorry for.
By naming your specific mistake, you show your boyfriend that you understand what you did wrong. You make him see that you gave the issue some thought, and you admit your blame.
Here are some examples:
- Iâm sorry for being mean to you and belittling you that way.
- Iâm sorry for deceiving you about my whereabouts.
- Iâm sorry for disclosing intimate details about you to my BFF.
- Iâm sorry for ignoring your texts and calls.
- Iâm sorry for canceling our plans last minute.
- Iâm sorry for betraying your trust by lying to you.
Keep it simple and to the point. You can add adjectives such as âveryâ âdeeplyâ and âsincerelyâ before âsorryâ to further point out how sorry you are.
3.3. Donât Try To Justify Yourself For Now
At this point, itâs very important to refrain from using any excuse that could diminish the integrity of your apology.
At this stage, what matters is for your boyfriend to believe youâre sorry, not to understand what determined you to say or do what you did.
4. Validate Your Boyfriendâs Feelings
4.1. Listen To Him and Acknowledge His Feelings
Donât act like you know what heâs been through since that moment. Give your partner a chance to explain how he felt then and how that affected his view on the relationship.
To show youâre genuine, donât interrupt him. Donât listen to him while thinking what to say next. Just listen. This will help you understand him better.
4.2. Empathize With Your Boyfriend and Ask For Forgiveness
To empathize with him, ask yourself: How would I feel in his position?
Here are some examples of how to express empathy:
- I hear you, and I agree with you. Iâm sorry you had to go through that.
- I understand why you felt that way. It makes sense now.
- I would also feel disappointed/sad/mad in this situation.
Next, it would be a good time to ask him to forgive you again.
4.3. Accept His Decision To Forgive You/Not To Forgive You
After you ask for forgiveness once more, he may or may not be ready to forgive you. If he accepts your apology and is open to forgiving you, good for you!
However, if heâs not ready to forgive you, you have to be prepared to accept that decision as well.
Make sure you stay calm and composed and either give him more explanations, more time, or both. There is a chance he will change his mind upon reflection.
5. Explain Yourself Without Making Excuses
5.1. Tell Him Your Side of The Story
If you provide your boyfriend with some context about your mindset at that time, that could help him a lot to see things from your perspective as well.
However, while you tell him what happened, itâs best to avoid making excuses. If you find other culprits or say someone made you do it, youâre painting a bad image for yourself.
Why? Because taking responsibility for your actions shows youâre indeed really sorry and you are mature enough to do that.
5.2. Take Full Responsibility for Your Actions
Look, maybe you had indeed a lot to study and thatâs why you forgot about your date with him. Even if thatâs a reason for forgetting, itâs still your fault.
Or,
If you said yes when another guy asked you out for coffee, you are to blame, not the guy who asked you.
Hereâs the thing: You decided or chose to do something that negatively affected your partner, so taking full responsibility is how you should proceed.
5.3. Donât Switch The Blame On Him
Donât forget to use âIâ statements throughout your conversation. Donât make the mistake of switching the blame on him, just to justify your actions.
Even if your wrongdoing was triggered by something he said or did, what happened next was your choice.
For example, if you think your boyfriend flirts with other girls, this doesnât justify the decision to make him jealous by kissing another guy.
6. Ask Him What To Do To Fix Things Between You Two
6.1. Show Your Willingness To Make Amends and Ask How
As you may expect, simply saying âIâm sorryâ will not solve the situation for good. Youâll have to prove yourself.
How? You can ask him that! Just ask, âWhat can I do to fix this?â
In case he doesnât give you a clear answer, think about a few ways that match your wrongdoing. Your goal is to show him you can change and rebuild trust.
6.2. Think of Thoughtful Gestures Yourself
While itâs customary in many parts of the world for the guy to bring flowers and chocolates to a girl after upsetting her, this doesnât mean you canât do it.
If what you said/did was minor, buy your boyfriend some chocolates or something he likes and express your heartfelt apology.
Otherwise, you better start thinking about thoughtful gestures to help him forgive you.
6.3. Donât expect immediate forgiveness
No matter what you do, the truth is that your partner might not forgive you immediately. Maybe he will need some time alone to get over what happened.
If thatâs the case, you have no other choice but to wait. You canât rush the process of forgiveness.
7. Affirm and Reaffirm the Relationship
7.1. Thank Him For Accepting To Listen To You
To reaffirm the relationship, express your appreciation for him. It was not easy for him to hear you out, so tell him that you value that.
Tell him how much it means to you that he was open to having a serious and constructive talk with you, especially after the last event.
7.2. Tell Him What Youâve Learned and Commit To Change
If you want him to forgive you, point out what youâve learned from this situation. This will show him that your intentions are serious.
Heâll see that you donât want to get away easily and are genuinely sorry. Moreover, mention that you are committed to making the necessary changes, such as being a more caring and thoughtful girlfriend.
7.3. Make Promises That You Plan to Keep
Because you have a strong desire for your partner to forgive you, you might be tempted to make impossible promises. Make sure you stay away from that!
Only make promises that you can keep. If you donât, youâll end up hurting him again by showing him that youâre not trustworthy and that you donât stand by your promises.
8. Follow Through On Your Commitments
8.1. Remember That Only Consistent Behavior Fixes Things
I wish I could tell you that one apology has the power to fix everything immediately. But it doesnât. So, donât let the past haunt you and your relationship with this guy too much.
Instead, work on maintaining consistent behavior that will make him forgive and forget.
8.2. Work On Regaining His Trust Day By Day
If your boyfriend doesnât trust you anymore, do everything you can daily to make his doubts disappear.
Pay a little more attention to your phone, plan your day better, and spend time with him whenever possible.
8.3. Discuss any Lingering Doubts
As a result of your words or actions, your partner may become suspicious at times. When that happens, donât let that slide!
Discuss any lingering doubts with him and reassure him that whatever heâs thinking, thatâs not the case.
Summary:
By now, you should know why apologizing is essential in your relationship with your boyfriend and how that can benefit your relationship.
Expressing regret honestly and sincerely while taking full responsibility for your actions increases your chances of forgiveness.
On top of that, as a result of saying sorry, the communication between you and your partner will improve, just as your ability to resolve conflicts together, thus strengthening your relationship.
So, what are you waiting for? Go apologise to your boyfriend! It will be worth it, I promise!
