How To Apologize To Your Boyfriend?

Are you on team Elton John and think sorry is the hardest word?

Or…

Are you looking to craft the perfect apology for your boyfriend and don’t know where to start?

Either way, this article is for you!

If something you said or did hurt your boyfriend’s feelings, showing remorse is the best way to go. Saying sorry is a powerful thing, and its benefits go beyond being forgiven. 

Read on for the full apology guide!

Here’s How To Apologize To Your Boyfriend After You Hurt Him

1. Admit You’ve Hurt Your Partner’s Feelings

1.1. Give The Situation Some Thought and Try to Put Yourself in His Shoes

At first, you might not even realize you’ve upset or made your partner mad. Some guys don’t make it easy for their partners to tell they’re emotionally wounded. 

My boyfriend, for example, is either mean to me or gives me the silent treatment when I do him wrong.

Or, even if he makes it obvious, you might not know why. That takes a bit of reflection, and it requires you to examine the situation from both perspectives. 

To begin with, by simply acknowledging what had happened, you’re already one step closer to making a proper apology. 

1.2. Look At The Facts Objectively without Making Excuses for Yourself

To find out exactly what led to having an argument with him or saying something hurtful to him, look at the facts. 

Replay what happened in your mind; try to be as neutral as possible while doing that. Don’t make excuses for yourself. 

Even if you feel entitled to something, this doesn’t mean that others can’t react negatively to it. 

Remember: This is about how your boyfriend felt.

1.3. Analyze Your Behavior and Determine What Triggered It

Now is the time to remember what triggered your behavior. What determined you to react the way you did?

I have no clue what happened between the two of you, but maybe you got jealous? Maybe your insecurities got the best of you. Only you can answer this question.

2. Wait For The Right Moment To Say Sorry

2.1. Don’t Apologize Right Away When You’re Both Emotional

When emotions run high, people tend to be quite unpredictable. If you make a mistake, you might feel pressured to apologize even if you don’t fully understand what you did wrong.

However, that’s not the way to go. Why? 

  • Your boyfriend might think you’re insincere.
  • He might be inclined to reject your apology.
  • You might make the same mistake because you don’t know what you did wrong.

2.2. Wait For The Right Time When You’re Both Ready To Talk

Even if you regret your actions immediately and know how they affected your partner, it’s still not recommended to express remorse immediately.

Remember: Your boyfriend is going through some difficult moments. He needs to calm down first and process his emotions. He could be sad, mad, offended, or betrayed.

These are not easy feelings to deal with, so waiting for the right time to have a constructive talk is essential. Just because you’re ready to apologize, this doesn’t mean he is ready to hear it.

Depending on the gravity of the situation, you might have to wait between 10 minutes to a few days.

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If, for example, you lashed out at him for no apparent reason, it’s okay to explain yourself shortly after you calm down and realize you were wrong to do that.

However, if, let’s say, you get caught lying about something, well, that might require you to do some thinking and truly make amends because breaking his trust is something serious.

2.3. Pick a Place Free of Distractions and Intimate as Well

The place where you say sorry also counts. It must be an intimate place, somewhere nothing and no one could interrupt you. 

Interruptions are highly undesirable because you might lose your train of thought and not deliver a proper apology.

As for intimacy, it’s always better to keep things between you and him. Don’t share the most private details of your relationship with others or apologize publicly. 

3. Apologize From The Bottom Of Your Heart

A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology in 2017 highlights just how important showing remorse is:

  • It reduces the other person’s desire to get back at you.
  • It makes them more willing to hear you out and reconcile.
  • It increases their desire to forgive you.

3.1. Say Sorry Like You Mean It

Things that you show you genuinely sorry are:

  • Making eye contact with your boyfriend while expressing regret.
  • Using a sincere tone, not saying something mechanical or laughing (some people tend to laugh out of nervousness).
  • Choosing simple, but effective words.

3.2. Apologize and Admit Your Mistakes

The best way to start an apology is by saying “I’m sorry”. Next, it’s ideal to state what you’re sorry for. 

By naming your specific mistake, you show your boyfriend that you understand what you did wrong. You make him see that you gave the issue some thought, and you admit your blame.

Here are some examples:

  • I’m sorry for being mean to you and belittling you that way. 
  • I’m sorry for deceiving you about my whereabouts.
  • I’m sorry for disclosing intimate details about you to my BFF.
  • I’m sorry for ignoring your texts and calls.
  • I’m sorry for canceling our plans last minute.
  • I’m sorry for betraying your trust by lying to you.

Keep it simple and to the point. You can add adjectives such as “very” “deeply” and “sincerely” before “sorry” to further point out how sorry you are.

3.3. Don’t Try To Justify Yourself For Now

At this point, it’s very important to refrain from using any excuse that could diminish the integrity of your apology.

At this stage, what matters is for your boyfriend to believe you’re sorry, not to understand what determined you to say or do what you did.

4. Validate Your Boyfriend’s Feelings

4.1. Listen To Him and Acknowledge His Feelings

Don’t act like you know what he’s been through since that moment. Give your partner a chance to explain how he felt then and how that affected his view on the relationship.

To show you’re genuine, don’t interrupt him. Don’t listen to him while thinking what to say next. Just listen. This will help you understand him better.

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4.2. Empathize With Your Boyfriend and Ask For Forgiveness

To empathize with him, ask yourself: How would I feel in his position?

Here are some examples of how to express empathy:

  • I hear you, and I agree with you. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
  • I understand why you felt that way. It makes sense now.
  • I would also feel disappointed/sad/mad in this situation.

Next, it would be a good time to ask him to forgive you again.

4.3. Accept His Decision To Forgive You/Not To Forgive You

After you ask for forgiveness once more, he may or may not be ready to forgive you. If he accepts your apology and is open to forgiving you, good for you!

However, if he’s not ready to forgive you, you have to be prepared to accept that decision as well.

Make sure you stay calm and composed and either give him more explanations, more time, or both. There is a chance he will change his mind upon reflection.

5. Explain Yourself Without Making Excuses

5.1. Tell Him Your Side of The Story

If you provide your boyfriend with some context about your mindset at that time, that could help him a lot to see things from your perspective as well. 

However, while you tell him what happened, it’s best to avoid making excuses. If you find other culprits or say someone made you do it, you’re painting a bad image for yourself.

Why? Because taking responsibility for your actions shows you’re indeed really sorry and you are mature enough to do that.

5.2. Take Full Responsibility for Your Actions

Look, maybe you had indeed a lot to study and that’s why you forgot about your date with him. Even if that’s a reason for forgetting, it’s still your fault. 

Or, 

If you said yes when another guy asked you out for coffee, you are to blame, not the guy who asked you. 

Here’s the thing: You decided or chose to do something that negatively affected your partner, so taking full responsibility is how you should proceed.

5.3. Don’t Switch The Blame On Him

Don’t forget to use “I” statements throughout your conversation. Don’t make the mistake of switching the blame on him, just to justify your actions.

Even if your wrongdoing was triggered by something he said or did, what happened next was your choice.

For example, if you think your boyfriend flirts with other girls, this doesn’t justify the decision to make him jealous by kissing another guy. 

6. Ask Him What To Do To Fix Things Between You Two

6.1. Show Your Willingness To Make Amends and Ask How

As you may expect, simply saying “I’m sorry” will not solve the situation for good. You’ll have to prove yourself.

How? You can ask him that! Just ask, “What can I do to fix this?”

In case he doesn’t give you a clear answer, think about a few ways that match your wrongdoing. Your goal is to show him you can change and rebuild trust.

6.2. Think of Thoughtful Gestures Yourself

While it’s customary in many parts of the world for the guy to bring flowers and chocolates to a girl after upsetting her, this doesn’t mean you can’t do it.

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If what you said/did was minor, buy your boyfriend some chocolates or something he likes and express your heartfelt apology.

Otherwise, you better start thinking about thoughtful gestures to help him forgive you. 

6.3. Don’t expect immediate forgiveness

No matter what you do, the truth is that your partner might not forgive you immediately. Maybe he will need some time alone to get over what happened.

If that’s the case, you have no other choice but to wait. You can’t rush the process of forgiveness.

7. Affirm and Reaffirm the Relationship

7.1. Thank Him For Accepting To Listen To You

To reaffirm the relationship, express your appreciation for him. It was not easy for him to hear you out, so tell him that you value that.

Tell him how much it means to you that he was open to having a serious and constructive talk with you, especially after the last event.

7.2. Tell Him What You’ve Learned and Commit To Change

If you want him to forgive you, point out what you’ve learned from this situation. This will show him that your intentions are serious. 

He’ll see that you don’t want to get away easily and are genuinely sorry. Moreover, mention that you are committed to making the necessary changes, such as being a more caring and thoughtful girlfriend.

7.3. Make Promises That You Plan to Keep

Because you have a strong desire for your partner to forgive you, you might be tempted to make impossible promises. Make sure you stay away from that!

Only make promises that you can keep. If you don’t, you’ll end up hurting him again by showing him that you’re not trustworthy and that you don’t stand by your promises.

8. Follow Through On Your Commitments

8.1. Remember That Only Consistent Behavior Fixes Things

I wish I could tell you that one apology has the power to fix everything immediately. But it doesn’t. So, don’t let the past haunt you and your relationship with this guy too much. 

Instead, work on maintaining consistent behavior that will make him forgive and forget.

8.2. Work On Regaining His Trust Day By Day

If your boyfriend doesn’t trust you anymore, do everything you can daily to make his doubts disappear.

Pay a little more attention to your phone, plan your day better, and spend time with him whenever possible.

8.3. Discuss any Lingering Doubts

As a result of your words or actions, your partner may become suspicious at times. When that happens, don’t let that slide!

Discuss any lingering doubts with him and reassure him that whatever he’s thinking, that’s not the case.

Summary:

By now, you should know why apologizing is essential in your relationship with your boyfriend and how that can benefit your relationship. 

Expressing regret honestly and sincerely while taking full responsibility for your actions increases your chances of forgiveness.

On top of that, as a result of saying sorry, the communication between you and your partner will improve, just as your ability to resolve conflicts together, thus strengthening your relationship.

So, what are you waiting for? Go apologise to your boyfriend! It will be worth it, I promise!

Daniela Duca Damian
About Daniela Duca Damian

A journalist by profession, Daniela has been sharing her knowledge and personal experience in the psychology of love and relationships for the past 5 years. Her work is based on facts, practical advice and is meant to help everyone achieve their romantic goals. When she isn’t writing, she challenges her friends with meaningful questions about life.

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