How to Flirt with a Girl? (In Person or Over Text)

Before I tell you how to flirt with a girl, I want to make sure you understand exactly what it means to flirt with a girl.

Flirting is a playful way of suggesting to a girl that you like her, without signaling any serious intentions. 

It means to talk and behave casually with her while you indirectly express your romantic and sexual interest in her.

Overall, it’s a really enjoyable experience, so you should have fun with it!

Now, let’s get into the how-tos:

How to Flirt with Girls in Person?

1. Cultivate a positive mindset and increase self-confidence

First of all, make sure your attitude is positive. 

The odds are in your favor if your mind is set on success, not on failure. If you obsess over getting rejected, that’s probably going to happen.

So, practice positive self-talk, be gentle with yourself, encourage yourself, and expect the best things to come your way.

Second of all, believe in yourself. Get comfortable with who you are, embrace both the good and the bad about yourself, and keep improving.

Become more confident by taking care of yourself, becoming a better conversationalist, setting goals and achieving them, embracing your mistakes, and pushing yourself.

2. Walk up to her, make eye contact, and smile

When it comes to talking to a woman in person, one important factor to consider is the direction of the approach.

The results of a study done by Fisher, J. D., and Byrne, D. indicate that women are more comfortable when their personal space is invaded from the front, while men prefer to be approached from the side.

However, not everyone seems to agree with that. For example, relationship expert Matthew Hussey recommends the side approach. According to him, that’s how you set a positive tone for your interaction.

My advice? Try both and see which one works better. Just FYI, I prefer the side approach.

Next, make eye contact with her to draw her attention and smile as if you’re happy to see her. 

Eye contact is more important than you think. According to a 1998 study, the level of affection between two people can increase as a result of locking eyes.

What’s more, if you want to make her feel special without saying a word , smile! A genuine smile has that effect, as shown by a more recent study done in 2013.

3. Say something to make her giggle or laugh

Women love to laugh! It’s scientifically proven! 

In 2022, hundreds of women from Norway and the US participated in a study meant to determine which flirtation tactics work, and which don’t.

They found that giggling or laughing at someone’s jokes is an effective flirtation method.

What does this mean for you? It means that if you make girls laugh, they’ll enjoy talking to you even more.

How? If telling jokes is not your greatest strength, then share a silly thing about yourself or an embarrassing story. 

The ability to laugh at yourself is also a strength. It shows you are aware of your shortcomings and you can humorously talk about them.

4. Ask her considerate questions and practice active listening

Flirting has a purpose, right? To let a woman know that you like her.

One way to do that is by asking her thoughtful questions and listening to her as she responds.

So, don’t ask just for the sake of asking. Ask because you are interested and you want to understand her better.

Also, take the element of surprise into account. If you ask her something unexpected, you’ll get a much powerful reaction from her.

Ask her: How do you like to have fun? What makes your heart beat faster? What is your idea of a perfect date? 

5. Flirt with your eyes by giving her slightly suggestive looks

The way you look at her can make a difference as well. 

To obtain the maximum effect, hold eye contact with her longer than usual. Then, glance at her lips for a short while and look her in the eyes again.

In case she’s giving off strong vibes that she likes you, you can make a bolder move and look at her chest or hips before looking back up at her.

However, make sure you’re not ogling at her breasts. Simply take a quick look.

Also, remember to smile a little. Otherwise, she’ll think you’re too serious and… creepy maybe.

6. Show your appreciation by giving her a compliment

You can’t properly flirt if you don’t pay compliments. Include them with confidence in your routine and try to be as original as possible during the process.

Telling a girl that she’s beautiful, pretty, attractive, good-looking, and so on are good compliments, but they’re kind of plain.

And the problem with plain compliments is they don’t make an impact. They’re not impressive.

That’s why you’ll need to get more creative and refrain from making any comments on the girl’s body or possessions.

You can say something about her appearance, but not about a body part specifically.

This 2017 study found that women are more attracted to men who use creative, metaphorical language to compliment their appearance, compared to those who use plain language or compliment possessions.

An example of a good compliment to give a woman: “[Name], you have such a vibrant energy that lights up any room you enter.”

7. Display open and masculine body language

You can use your body language in your favor when you flirt.


On the one hand, you can send her signs that you like her. 

Here are some examples:

  • Lean in when she’s talking
  • Try to get close to her physically
  • Point your feet at her
  • Preen yourself as you talk

On the other hand, you can make yourself look open and masculine.

Here’s how:

  • Watch your posture – always keep your back straight
  • Don’t cross your arms or your legs and take your hands out of your pockets
  • Expand yourself into the physical space – take up a lot of space to show dominance
  • Keep your head high and your shoulders back

8. Mimic her body language, speech, and facial expressions

Body language mirroring comes naturally to every one of us. It’s an evolutionary trait meant to help us understand others better and establish an emotional connection with them more easily.

When someone mimics your body language, speech, and facial expressions, they probably do it involuntarily, a fact that shows they are attracted to you.

However, you can do it by choice to tease her a bit. 

For example, you could copy the way she reacts when she’s surprised – She’ll tell when you do that and she’ll probably laugh a little.

Or, use one of her typical expressions to get a reaction from her – Just keep it kind-hearted.

9. Engage in playful banter with her or tease her

Tap into your natural charm and engage in witty or playful banter with her. While doing so, don’t be afraid to get a little silly as well. 

For example, let’s say you notice a new item she got. Instead of making a regular remark about it, you could say, “What’s this? I’ve never seen something like this before”

Even if you know what that object is, by saying that, you make her laugh because she knows you know, and you also determine her to divulge info about that item without actually asking her.

10. Talk about the things you two have in common

Flirting with a girl is not only about establishing rapport but also about bonding. You never know when an innocent flirt will turn into a full-blown love story.

Not to mention that discovering you have things in common with another person is actually a nice feeling.

So, keep the conversation going with any girl by asking her about her interests and experiences and by also sharing relevant things about yourself.

Talking about friends or acquaintances that you have in common is a great starting point as well, especially if you don’t know much about her.

11. Do something thoughtful for her

Wait… is doing favors also a form of flirting? It is, indeed! It’s a subtler form, but it still falls in the same category.

Maybe she’s busy and she needs someone to run an errand for her. Or, maybe she forgot her backpack in the hallway. 

Whatever it is, you can step in and help her out.

Or, you could do something thoughtful for her like offering her a ride, surprising her with coffee, or getting something for her you know she likes.

These gestures will send the right message to her. She’ll know you like her.

12. Touch her in a casual and non-invasive way

Touch plays an important role in the process of seduction as well. It creates even more intimacy between two people and it stimulates the brain to produce oxytocin.

What is that?

Oxytocin is a feel-good chemical that promotes closeness and overall satisfaction. 

However, when you want to break the touch barrier, you have to do it appropriately. Start by touching her on her shoulder or arm to get her attention and see how she reacts.

If her reaction is positive, then you can gradually introduce other physical gestures, such as hugging, kissing on the cheek, and holding hands.

You can also give her backrubs and cuddle with her if you ever get the chance. They have the same effect on the production of the love hormone, as shown in a 2006 study by Andrew K. Gulledge, Michelle H. Gulledge, and Robert F. Stahmann.

13. Learn about her boundaries and respect them

For any of your flirting techniques to be effective, you must make sure you’re not crossing any boundaries.

Before you discover all of her boundaries, use your common sense and don’t cross the usual ones – respect her privacy and don’t be pushy.

Don’t hesitate to talk about her boundaries, either. If she feels comfortable to discuss them with you, that’s a step forward.

To ease her into the conversation, you could share your boundaries with her first. By doing so, you’ll encourage her to do the same with you.

14. Ask her to go out on a date with you

The next natural step involves asking the girl on a date.

To do that, you don’t have to wait until you’re 100% sure she’s into you. All you need are a few positive signs from her. 

Before popping the question though, I recommend thinking of a few date ideas based on the information you already know about her.

Not all women like the classic dinner and movie combo, so try to be a little more creative than that. Take her to an adventure park, a concert, or a wine tasting if she likes wine.

How can you tell if she’s interested in you?

Women will give you conscious and unconscious signs they like you, sometimes without saying a word. 

Some of them will become more agitated in your presence and they will frequently play with their hair, touch their thighs, and lean in when you talk.

Others will make lingering eye contact with you and they will sensually lick their lips without realizing what they’re doing.

They will check you out on various occasions as well, especially when they think you’re not looking.

Your presence alone could make some of them sweat, blush, laugh uncontrollably, and so on. 

A woman who is interested in you romantically and sexually will try to be as physically close to you as possible. She won’t mind your touch, on the contrary, she will initiate physical contact with you.

How to Flirt with Girls Over Text/DM?

1. Like some of her posts on social media and leave comments

It’s settled: You can indirectly let a woman know that you’re interested in her by engaging with her social media content.

How so?

Amanda Lenhart, Monica Anderson, and Aaron Smith conducted a study in 2015 on the role of social media in romantic relationships and that’s exactly what they discovered.

You can get a woman’s attention online with a few simple likes and comments. If you do that, she’ll be inclined to believe that’s how you signal your interest.

And the best part? She will like some of your photos and posts back, but only if she reciprocates your feelings.

2. Call her by her name when you send her a message

Flirting with a girl online comes with other challenges than flirting IRL. One of them is finding ways to make the conversation feel personal.

A simple “Hi, how are you?” can easily pass unnoticed. However, if you also add the woman’s name to your question, you obtain a different effect.

Let’s say her name is Susan. Texting her “Hi Susan, how are you?” makes your text or DM much more specific. Using her name adds a personal touch, making the message more meaningful.

3. Send her funny memes, posts, or reels

Laughter is a big part of flirting, so you must include something funny in your messages to her. 

Your options are virtually unlimited. You can share funny memes, posts, or reels with her. Or if you follow a funny videos YouTube channel, even better!

You can send her a short vid now and then to lift her mood and as a way to start a conversation with her.

The more you laugh together, the deeper your bond will become. At least that’s what Laura E. Kurtz and Sara B. Algoe discovered in their 2017 study on the role of shared laughter in interpersonal interactions.

4. Add playful emojis during a conversation

An emoji can replace many words and it can turn any dull text into a more exciting one. 

Depending on the message you want to send, you can use various emojis to express the emotion behind your words.

Flirt with the girl by sending her a wink, a playful smile, or a hug. Or, use the blushing emoji after you ask her something personal.

You choose how expressive you want to be. I’d go as far as adding the sun emoji in a “Good morning, Susan!” text.

Maintain a good word-to-emoji ratio, though. If you use too many emojis, you’ll probably make her confused.

5. Use witty wordplay and double meanings

A great way to tease a woman over text/DM is to use witty wordplay and words/phrases with double meanings. That’s how you playfully (not bluntly) hint at your interest in her.

Go easy on her at the beginning and see how she reacts to a clever pun. Then you can move on to double meanings. A good, classic example is, “I’m hungry for some desert.”

This phrase could mean you want to eat something sweet, or you could be referring to something else than a desert (your desire for something sexual).

However, I say be spontaneous and let one thing lead to another. Don’t drop such a phrase if it doesn’t fit the context.

6. Mention a time she was on your mind

Another good flirting tactic applicable in writing is to mention you often think about her. 

Show her she’s frequently on your mind by sharing a photo of something that reminds you of her. It could be her favorite dish, something she wants to buy, etc.

Or, you can bring up a topic you’ve already discussed if you have more to say about it, or if there’s something new that you want to add.

This will show her that you pay attention and are fully engaged in your conversations.

7. Tell her what you like about her

I think you agree with me when I say that complimenting a girl in writing is less of a big deal than in person. If you do, then go ahead and do just that.

Convey your emotions through text or DM by telling her something you genuinely appreciate about her.

Here’s a tip that could help you: 

Write down a few things you like about her and then leave out any compliments regarding her appearance. Start with the most unique and creative compliments you can think of.

Ask yourself, “What’s different about this girl that I like?”

8. Ask her on an IRL date

An endless exchange of messages might lead to nowhere unless you ask her out. As soon as you establish rapport and sense a good vibe from her, you should make a move. 

Ask her out and give her a few first-date options to choose from. Do that to make her feel safe and special.

If you only give her one option, she might say no because of the option, not because she’s not interested in you. 

To find date ideas, scroll through her social media profiles to see which events she’s interested in, and which restaurants are on her list of favorites.

Things to Avoid when Flirting with a Girl

Using Pick-up Lines – Unless your desired result is awkward laughter, don’t use any pick-up lines. Instead, initiate a conversation with a light-hearted joke or a common interest.

Showing off and/or pretending – Regardless of how much you want to impress a girl, refrain from showing off. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not either. It will be detrimental to you in the long run.

Staring into her eyes for too long – Flirting with your eyes is an art. Don’t bring it to the point where it’s creepy.

Comparing her to others – Leave out other women from the conversations you have with her. Whatever you do, don’t compare her with your ex – that’s unforgivable.

Being overly suggestive or explicit – It goes without saying that you might scare her off or gross her out if you become overly suggestive or explicit. Let her lead the way when it comes to that.

Texting too much and expecting instant replies – Unless you want to give her the impression that you’re desperate, needy, and have too much free time, refrain from over-messaging her and acting nervously.


How to flirt with a girl? Be confident, approach her correctly, make her laugh, ask her questions and listen, use your body language to signal her, and respect her boundaries.

For the best results, also compliment her, act playful and tease her, mirror her body language, and make thoughtful gestures.

Try as many flirting tactics as you can and find the combo that matches your personality and style. 

While doing all of the above, try to gauge her interest in you and learn when to back off. Be aware of any sign of disinterest.

Remember: Flirting is fun when it’s mutual!

Daniela Duca Damian
About Daniela Duca Damian

A journalist by profession, Daniela has been sharing her knowledge and personal experience in the psychology of love and relationships for the past 5 years. Her work is based on facts, practical advice and is meant to help everyone achieve their romantic goals. When she isn’t writing, she challenges her friends with meaningful questions about life.

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