How to Start a Conversation with a Girl? (Get Her Attention)

Do you want to chat girls up like a real pro? 

If you do, you should start now – the more you talk to girls, the better you’ll become at it. 

Whenever you want to talk to a girl, follow the next steps! 

They are what separates you from becoming a master at starting (and maintaining) conversations with girls.

Ready when you are!

Situation A: Starting a Conversation in Person

1. Decipher the social climate before you approach her

Reading the situation is the first step in your journey to become better at talking to girls.

I am referring to observing her for a minute or two before you approach her. What you want to know is whether she seems open to an approach or she’s busy/closed off.

Also, you need to ask yourself: 

Is she in the middle of something? 

Is this an acceptable place to make a move or will I make her feel uneasy?

All these factors are important as they increase your chances of success.

Don’t start a conversation if she…

  • … is busy doing something/ is on the phone/ talking to someone else
  • … looks worried or stressed, often checking her phone, frowning
  • … is alone in a subway station late at night

2. Approach her with a smile and say hi

If you decide the time and the place are right to approach her , then don’t think twice before you do it.

Just walk up to her and say hi. Do this with a smile on your face to show her you are friendly and mean no harm.

Now, wait to see if she says anything back. You get the green light to continue the conversation if she says hi and smiles back at you.

However, if you barely hear her respond and see her looking away from you, that’s not a good sign. She probably wants to be left alone.

Don’t take it personally in case that happens. She could have tons of reasons completely unrelated to you.

3. Ask what her name is and repeat it back to her

After she positively responds to your attempt to start a conversation, you can introduce yourself and ask what her name is.

So far, so good. But, to really stand out, do this:

When she tells you her name, repeat it back to her and say something nice about it. 

Why? Because…

  • … it’s a trick to help you remember it
  • … it gives you an opportunity to compliment her
  • … you make her feel special by saying her name
  • … people like hearing their names in a conversation

In case you are not sure how to pronounce her name or write it, ask for clarification. Tell her she has a unique name and express your curiosity regarding it.

4. Simply ask how she’s doing

What’s next? 

Now you know her name, so follow the logical thread and ask her: How are you doing… (insert her name)? Such a simple question can go a long way. 

Or, you can ask her how her day is going. Either way, by doing so, you open the door for further conversation.

The tricky part here is that some girls will not give you much to work with. Many will say they’re doing fine and ask you the same question.

Others will not ask you back. If that happens, that’s your signal to leave. They are not interested.

Another probable situation is when a girl says she’s not doing too well and doesn’t ask you anything back. This is different. 

She might expect you to ask her something like, “Why? What’s wrong?” Give it a try – she might want to talk about it.

5. Talk about something related to your surroundings

Want to become an amazing conversationalist in the eyes of every girl? Then keep the conversation going!

The next thing you can talk about with her is anything related to your surroundings. This will give you the chance to become more familiar with each other.

For example, if you are in a line, waiting to get coffee, and you approach a girl who also wants to get a drink, you can make remarks about the place or ask her about her favorite drink.

Whatever the situation, don’t overthink things! Just state the obvious or ask her something as simple as, “Do you come here often?”

Or, let’s say you work in a corporate building and you run into her frequently. Then it’s easy – you can continue with a dialogue about work.

6. Bring up a shared experience if you have any

Do you know the girl from before?

YES: Mention the last time you saw her and say something about your experience. Then, ask her questions about that time.

By doing so, you remind her of you and make her feel safer around you (since she has seen you around).

If you have a funny memory of that time, that’s even better! Making her laugh will increase your likeability and level of attraction.

Even if you don’t, it’s enough to talk about an experience you have in common and share thoughts and ideas about it. This alone will bring you closer.

NO: Don’t worry! Just move on to the next point.

7. Talk about a mutual friend or acquaintance 

Do you have a mutual friend or acquaintance with the girl? Then, by all means, mention them!

Most girls are more open to talking to people who are not total strangers. Just because you have friends in common, you instantly become more trustworthy.

On top of that, it’s another excuse to keep talking to her!

You can chat about anything positive related to those people. Don’t bad mouth anyone – not even if they deserve it – that will give her the wrong impression about you.

Just tell her where you know them from, and ask her the same.  

8. Express your interest in her opinions & suggestions

Want to keep her talking and make her feel important? Then ask for her opinions and recommendations.

Depending on where you are physically, you can ask her all sorts of different questions…

At school: What do you think of the new math teacher? What do you like to do during recess? What extra curriculum activity do you recommend?

At work: Can you recommend a good coffee place? Do you know how the copy machine works? Care to tell me how things work around here?

In a mall: Can you help me pick a shirt? May I have your opinion on … two different types of shoes? 

In a club: What do you think about the music? Can you recommend a cocktail you love?

9. Pick light topics to talk about

To chat up any girl the right way, don’t make her feel like you’re hitting on her. Instead, aim at making her feel comfortable talking to you.

You can do that, among others, by picking generic topics. Ease her into the conversation by saying something about the weather or how crowded or loud is the place where you’re at.

Anything along those lines goes and it’s effective, too! How so?

You two are talking about common things, based on your observations. There’s nothing controversial about that.

Also, touching on light topics allows you to pay attention to her and determine whether she’s enthusiastic about your dialogue, or… not so much.

If she looks like she doesn’t want to continue talking to you, then respect her comfort level and back off gracefully.

10. Give her a genuine & unique compliment

Now is the time to get a little more creative! 

Thanks to a 2017 study, we know for sure that women are attracted to men who know how to properly compliment them.

How’s that?

Women prefer compliments that contain creative and metaphorical language. Especially if the compliments are about their appearance, they don’t like them plain.

Also, researchers found that girls don’t appreciate it when men compliment their possessions. 

In other words, refrain from stating the obvious about her. Find things about her that are rare or unique and then make positive remarks about them.

Your aim here is to show interest in her individuality and show her how much you appreciate it.

11. Show her your humorous side

I’ll continue to state the facts for you: Women feel more attracted to those guys who can make them laugh.

It’s not just my opinion, but also the result of a 2005 study by Duane E. Lundy, Josephine Tan, and Michael R. Cunningham, as well as other similar studies.

So, you’ll have to explore your humorous side and find a style that suits you… 

Maybe making fun of yourself works for you. Or maybe you have a good memory and you know many question-and-answer jokes.

Engaging in playful banter also works. It has the power to lighten up the mood and create an overall positive vibe.

12. Get her talking by asking open-ended questions

Look, your success also depends on whether you ask your questions right.

I know you might feel a light headache building up right now, but it doesn’t have to be like that. I’ll put it simply for you:

Just don’t give her options to choose from you ask her something. Let her speak freely regardless of what you’re inquiring about.

For example, you’re at a party.

Ask her things like:

  • How do you feel? 
  • What do you think of this party?
  • How do you know the host?

Don’t ask her:

  • Do you feel good? That’s a yes or no question.
  • This is a nice party, right? This a right or wrong question.
  • Do you know the host? Yes/no question as well.

13. Ask her a thought-provoking question 

Picture this: 

Things are going well with the girl and you sense a good vibe from her. What do you do next?

You can try your luck and make the conversation more engaging and stimulating by asking her a thought-provoking question.

Research done in 2019 by Curtis S. Dunkel, Todd K. Shackelford, Joseph L. Nedelec, and Dimitri van der Linden sheds light on what type of conversation women are looking for.

To be more precise, it seems that the more physically attractive a woman is, the less inclined she is to find small talk interesting.

Such a woman seeks out an intellectually stimulating partner, rather than a dull conversationalist. 

Ask her what her passions are, what motivates her, and what matters to her in life.

14. Focus on finding out more about her

As soon as you get the hang of asking questions – regardless of whether they’re thought-provoking or not – you’ll be able to show genuine interest.

And that’s exactly what you need to keep the conversation alive with any girl and hint at your interest in her.

The next step is all about asking her things about herself. I am sure you have curiosities about every girl you talk to, so ask away!

Just make sure you don’t cross any lines. Respect the girl’s privacy.

Acceptable inquiries are about her hobbies, interests, tastes in different areas, and so on.

15. Offer your help or ask her to help you

Here’s something else that helps create rapport with girls: offering or asking for help.

If you are offering your help, you become more likable from the start. This gesture also puts you in a good light as far as kindness and trustworthiness go.

If you ask for her help, you make her feel important. Also, in general, people tend to feel good when they lend a hand to someone in need.

Offer your help to carry her things, help her find something she lost, save her a seat, stay in line for her, etc.

Ask for her help to choose anything from food to clothes, books, movies, etc.

16. Talk about the possibility of meeting again

Your conversation will not last forever, so be prepared to ask for her contact info if you don’t have it, and suggest meeting up again.

In case it’s the first time you ever see and talk to the girl, consider asking for her number or Instagram before it’s too late. 

If she enjoys talking to you, she’ll probably tell you how to reach out to her. 

Now, depending on how confident you feel, you can leave things at that and send her a direct message later on, or ask if she’d like to go out with you.

To be safe, think of a few nice first-date ideas before approaching any girl. Don’t let them catch you unprepared.

17. End the conversation smoothly

The more time you spend talking to her, the better, right? Wrong!

Here’s the catch: Indeed, your goal is to make the girl enjoy herself while talking to you. But, you have another goal as well: To make her feel sorry the conversation has to end.

That’s why you have to end it when she’s enjoying it the most. Just excuse yourself by telling her you have somewhere to be or something to do, etc.

Letting her think you’re overly available from the start is not your best move here. So, keep the interaction sweet, and don’t lose track of time.

18. Contact her within the next 24 hours

The next 24 hours after you chat with a girl are essential to maintain momentum and show appreciation for your interaction.

To do that, you can send her a friendly text or a direct message. You can say anything you want to her, as long as it doesn’t make you look desperate.

You can mention how talking to her made you feel, or ask her a question about a topic you discussed.

Flirting is allowed, but if you ask me, your best guess is to try to build a friendship with her before you start hitting on her.

I would suggest you go through my guide how to flirt with a girl if you’ve made up your find to flirt with her.

19. Be prepared to handle rejection

Look, not every girl you decide to approach and start a conversation with will meet you halfway. 

Some of them will reject you from the beginning, while others will talk to you, but won’t share their contact info with you.

Whenever that happens, it shouldn’t bring you down. Girls have tons of reasons for rejecting a guy, such as a lack of chemistry, emotional unavailability, and so on.

If you get rejected, know that there’s nothing wrong with you. I mean it. Keep your chin up, maintain a polite and respectful attitude, and move on.

According to a 2016 Stanford research done by Clifton B. Parker, numerous individuals tend to believe there’s something wrong with their true selves when faced with rejection.

They let that feeling linger, and, as a result, they become less confident and stop trying.

So, I urge you to do your best to avoid that. In case of rejection, simply thank the girl for her time and gracefully move on.

20. Focus on getting better and practice more

Remember: Practice makes perfect.

The more you talk to girls, the easier it will be for you to start and maintain conversations with them.

But if you’re too shy to approach girls all the time, don’t hesitate to practice with your friends, siblings, or anyone else who is available.

They will give you honest feedback and will help you familiarize yourself with the whole process due to repetition.

In time, you’ll easily adapt to any girl’s conversational style and your social interactions will come naturally.

Situation B: Start a Conversation on Social Media

1. Say hi and tell her where you know her from

Chatting with girls online is a bit different compared to real life. You might think it’s easier because you can hide behind a screen and think longer about what to say.

If that’s the case, you should proceed by saying hi, introducing yourself, and telling her where you know her from. 

I recommend starting with a hook – something to catch her attention and determine her to reply. 

Examples are:

X shared your video and I laughed so hard, I had to personally thank you for it!

I noticed your profile while I was browsing…(fill in the blanks) wow, your…(fill in the blanks) is impressive!

2. Talk about an upcoming event that interests you both

You can learn many things about a girl from her various social media profiles, including her interests and events she’d like to participate in.

Take a quick look before you send her a message. This will help you choose topics to talk about.

Especially if there are upcoming events you both want to go to, sharing opinions about them is a great place to start.

On top of that, it will be a breeze to approach her in person after you introduce yourself online. 

Chances are she’ll be more open to you in real life if she enjoys talking to you online. 

3. Bring up any interests you have in common

You can transition from talking about events to things you have in common. What does she like?

Scroll through her profile and find out what things you have in common. Then, find a cute and smooth way to mention those.

I’ll give you some examples:

I see you like… (fill in the blanks). I thought I was the only one who still listens to/watches… (fill in the blanks).

Are you a…(fill in the blanks) fan? I am too! What do you think about their latest work?

Now that you know how to start a conversation with a girl, the next thing you need to learn is how to keep the conversation going with a girl.

Additional Tips: Developing Success-Oriented Mindset

1. Maintain a confident attitude and be authentic

Confidence is sexy. Work on developing self-confidence and being as authentic as possible during the process. Stay true to yourself and highlight your qualities and uniqueness.

2. Learn to talk less and listen more

A big part of having any conversation is to listen. If you practice active listening, you will understand the person you’re talking to and make them feel heard at the same time.

3. Get better at understanding body language cues

A girl’s body will give her true feelings for you away. If she likes you, she’ll make eye contact, smile, play with her hair, and more. Learn all about that to avoid wasting time on girls who are not interested.

4. Apprehend the collective sentiment

Choosing the right time and place to talk to a girl weighs in on your success. Take a few minutes to read the situation before you make a move.

5. Learn more about female behavior

Evolutionary psychology is a great place to start. Learn more about a female’s natural selection process.


I hope that after reading this article you feel more prepared to initiate conversations with girls. It’s not that hard, is it?

You simply walk up to her, smile, and introduce yourself. You ask for her name, make small talk about your surroundings and other generic topics, crack some jokes, pay her a compliment, and see how it goes.

Every time you do this, you become better at it, so I encourage you to keep practicing. Your communication skills will improve and your confidence level should increase as well.

That is if you don’t let the occasional rejection bring you down, because you shouldn’t!

In time, your style will become more defined, and talking to girls will come naturally to you. 

Now go practice! 

Daniela Duca Damian
About Daniela Duca Damian

A journalist by profession, Daniela has been sharing her knowledge and personal experience in the psychology of love and relationships for the past 5 years. Her work is based on facts, practical advice and is meant to help everyone achieve their romantic goals. When she isn’t writing, she challenges her friends with meaningful questions about life.

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