How to Get an Ex Back Who Lost Feelings for You?

Have you had the experience of someone you loved who turned into an ex because they lost their feelings for you?

You were still in love with them but somehow, they got off track and told you it isn’t working for them anymore? That the “feelings have changed” in comparison with the beginning?

This is not uncommon to happen with relationships.

Does that mean that the relationship is then over, for good? It doesn’t have to be. I do believe that when there once was attraction, you can rekindle the flame.

Will it be easy? I don’t think so either. Will it be impossible? I don’t think so either.

In this article we will dive deeper into different ways that you can try and implement to increase the chances of getting an ex back who lost their feelings for you.

Do exes who lost feelings come back?

In my life I have had several relationships where the bonding or the “spark” ended, but somehow still rekindled after some time.

If I look closely at the keys of “getting someone back” is actually stopping to “want someone back”. 

When you get so confident and so in love with your own life, where you don’t necessarily need this particular person anymore, when you then come into contact with them, you have a different glow.

Someone who is strong, confident and in love with life is much more attractive to an ex than someone who is constantly waiting for this particular ex to come back .

How to Get an Ex Back Who Lost Feelings for You?

1. First, Get into the right mindset

If you want your ex back but you have a mindset of “It will never work” or you’re still holding on to grief, anger or any type of emotions that require healing from your side, the chances of your ex coming back to you will gradually decrease.

That’s why it’s important to have the focus on yourself and to heal any feelings that are lingering inside of you that aren’t in their best interest or in the vibration of love.

For example, if you have had fights with your ex and you’re still struggling with anger, then work on letting go of the anger.

If you have low self-esteem or low self-love, then work on getting more confident and stronger in yourself.

Make sure that everything that you undertake or want from your ex doesn’t come from anything but love.

2. Know why you broke up and why your ex lost feelings for you

Be crystal clear in why you two broke up and why your ex lost feelings for you.

You can make a list for this to really get it out of your mind and onto the paper. You have to be sure that it does make sense to step onto this journey.

For example, if the two of you were completely different, were arguing all the time, no intimacy and no compatibility, going back to your ex doesn’t seem any sense because there was nothing to work with to begin with.

Every relationship is learning you something. So if you had many arguments and you see that you were very defensive or attacking, that’s something that you could work on.

If you were really needy and didn’t give your ex space, that’s also something that you could work on. 

Try to see the point of view from your ex as well and be really transparent with your responsibility for the relationship. 

Whether your ex comes back or not, you’ll still learn from reflecting on it for your next relationship.

3. Acknowledge your mistakes in the relationship

Be truthful with yourself. You can’t change something that caused your relationship to end if you both don’t take full responsibility for the relationship.

You have to take responsibility for your part. You have to show that if you made a mistake that was harmful to your ex, that you “see” them, that you get it and genuinely apologize for it.

I remember I used to be very egoistic with my one ex girlfriend. I never really thought about her emotions and feelings inside the relationship. I just took her for granted.

She lost feelings for me because I didn’t respect her feelings. And, it doesn’t happen overnight in a romantic relationship.

For me, it was very hard to apologize or say sorry or see my mistakes because I never really learned to repair from my household. 

This is something I took with me in the relationship. I learned this the hard way to lose her. When I reflected on my relationship and apologized sincerely and truly from my heart, she melted and she came closer to me than ever before.

4. Give Your Ex Space and Time to Process & Heal Their Emotions

According to this research “space is actually more significant in creating a long-lasting relationship than sex.”

When a partner gets more space and can still keep their own identity, by keeping their own friends, interests and time for themselves, while maintaining their relationship as a couple, they are reported to be much happier.

That’s why it’s important to be able to give your partner space. Avoid excessive contact and clingy behavior. 

Try to focus in the spaces between the two of you on personal growth and independent pursuits. Having your own life is very attractive for people.

Also, show respect for their need for distance and healing. 

Don’t take this too personally and let them recharge and come back to their center so that they can show up as the best version of themselves.

If you hurt them, let then process their hurt feelings.

5. Reignite attraction being mysterious

If you look back on your life and the experiences with people you had, who was most attractive to you? The person who was an open book or the person who left something “unseen”? 

Something mysterious? 

Maintaining a degree of unpredictability makes you more interesting. If you occasionally change your routines or surprise others with unexpected gestures or plans, you’re able to do this.

Instead of sharing everything from the bottom of your heart, leave something unspoken. Be selective about what you share and leave some room for the unknown.

Besides this, practice the art of active listening. Be present with them. Don’t talk only about yourself, but leave room for them. 

People love to talk about themselves and at the same time you increase your mysteriousness. 

While it wont directly rekindle ex’s feelings, it will respark the attraction which may help to reignite romantic feelings.

6. Show your ex that you are self-dependent and changed now

Nothing is more attractive than someone who is able to be self-reliant and has gone through a major change of development. Especially after your breakup.

I remember that the woman I used to be with, saw me after our break up. 

I had left social media, went on a solo-trip, did activities I loved, met new people, started to read, workout and slowly transformed myself completely.

After the break up broke me down and I thought I lost her forever, I took back my power by taking care of my physical, emotional and mental health.

I did a lot of self-reflection and asked for support when needed.

One day I was walking on a train station and we crossed each other’s path, somehow the universe decided this was time. 

She was the one who texted me after this to see how beautiful I looked and the change she saw in me. I could feel how she fell in love with me and she even mentioned to go on a date again.

Self improvement and self care can help you re-spark lost feelings of your ex. However, the purpose of self improvement should always exceed the boundaries of “impressing that one person.” It’s more about you.

7. Invoking some FOMO (Fear of missing out!)

When you’re completely focused on yourself and you’re honestly confident and happy in that place, the world around you can feel this.

They can feel your energy. They can feel that you’re happy. If you’re trying to fake it, the world around you can feel this too.

There is no need to fake this, but honestly improve your mental, emotional and physical well-being and the fear of missing out will increase for your ex gradually.

If they don’t come back after seeing you in your full shine, they were never meant for you. You keep on shining by focusing on your inner-world and let your attraction do the work.

8. Initiate contact with a simple “Hi, how have you been?”

You can start to tap your feet in the water to see where you’re standing by sending a simple text message such as “Hi! How have you been?”

This message will show you a LOT! If your ex is interested, you can feel it in the energy behind the words.

  • Does it feel like they are genuinely interested in you too?
  • Do they ask a question back?
  • Are they also involved in keeping the relationship going? Then start maintaining daily contact.
  • Or are they reacting short, with less words and not much to say? Where it seems that they aren’t so excited to talk with you? 

Be open to whatever presents itself. Don’t become defensive or blame them. Be open to their feelings and offer a safe space to express without of course, them being unkind to you.

A simple message after no contact can help you get back ex who lost feelings for you. And, after your initiated the contact, keep the conversation open for future.

9. Work on being Friends

Becoming friends with ex again or at least trying to, is an important step to build trust again. Every relationship is different so the ending of your relationship matters a lot here.

When trust is broken and you both are just starting to get back in each other’s live it’s important to build trust again for the other person.

If you have had a lot of fights and there have been a lot of arguments, it’s best to take it slowly and see how it goes by being friends with each other first.

If your relationship fell apart because of trust issues then being friends can lead you back into the relationship. Though, the chances would vary person to person.

10. Create new feelings that make your ex fall in love again

When someone is losing feelings for you, you can do new things together. You can take them to new places. You can ask new questions. You can show your new behavior. Try to practice kindness.

Become a better friend, a more confident person and maybe at some point, a better lover.

Try things you have never done before. Write them something from your heart. Buy them something new. Be proactive with the plans and show new sides of you.

Your ex may have lose feelings or lose interest because you taken them for granted. You were all focused on yourself or mundane tasks of life. Now, to bring back the lost feelings, you’ve to bring that excitement in their life.

To do so, start hanging out and spend time doing things that are exciting and thrilling.

11. Address past issues when it seems best

When the two of you have been going through a lot, it’s important to find the right moment to address these past issues.

When my past lover and I just came into contact, we first started to “chit chat” about simpler things. We started to slowly build kindness, trust and friendship.

We builded a little bit of a safe container to really sense that we could trust the other before we dived into deeper emotional topics that have been the source of our emotional wounding.

When we were ready to dive deeper, we addressed the past issues and it both helped us a lot to really express, feel seen and heard.

Basically, I asked my ex lot of questions about our relationship.

This couldn’t happen if we did this too fast and right off the boat. To get an ex back who lost feelings for you, this is a must-follow step

12. Make Your Ex feel appreciated

One of the most important skills you can have for any type of relationship and especially for your ex if you’re hoping to reconnect, is to make them feel appreciated. 

“Relationship expert James Bauer explains that the currency of relationships is appreciation. The more you show it to your partner, the “richer” the relationship will be.”

Say it more often when you see that your ex looks beautiful. Mention it when you see the small things that they do for you. Be more genuinely open about the things that you appreciate.

Just a few minutes of appreciation every day keeps the relationship healthy. When you will appreciate your ex, it’s likely that lost feelings of your ex will come back especially if they felt ignored and unappreciated while you two were in relationship.

13. Build Trust With Your Ex

As I mentioned in part 11, the building of trust is very important. If there is no trust, there is no foundation. Trust is the foundation.

If in your relationship the trust has been damaged, it’s important to work on regaining that trust. 

You can only do that by showing up, by being consistent, by offering a safe container for expression and sharing of feelings without judgment.

A place where your ex feels seen, loved, appreciated and accepted. 

Remember, building trust takes time so don’t rush this process.

14. Take things SLOW this time

There is no need to rush if you’re serious about this person and you want to be able to get back together with them. You can’t force a seed to grow when it’s not ready to grow.

This is the same for your relationship. You have to water it, give it the right amount of sunlight and here and there you need to refresh the soil.

All of this takes time. The seasons of summer, autumn, winter and spring all have it’s timing. They grow when it’s time to grow.


Just know that wanting your regain lost feelings of your ex isn’t something that will happen overnight (if it happens at all). 

There is no rulebook, no set in stone article that can promise you the results.

Following the tips and practices in this article will help you to self-reflect, grow as a person on your own and work on your relationship with others.

This doesn’t mean that your ex will, at the end of all this, come back crawling.

However, doing the things in this article will get you closer to becoming a better person in love for yourself and for others!

If you’re prepared that you can get rejected, just know that it won’t be a waste of time. You learn from every experience.

As Bryant McGill once said: “Every rejection is a redirection.” 

So if it’s not them, it will be someone else and in the meanwhile, you have become stronger as a lover by implementing the tips that we have outlined for you.

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Joanna Pleun
About Joanna Pleun

Joanna is a globe-trotting writer and liberation coach, helping people transform their lives, especially post-break ups. She excels in identifying the root causes of self-sabotage and fostering personal empowerment. Through her writings, workshops, and group sessions, Joanna guides individuals to reconnect with their bodies and hearts, encouraging them to create magical life experiences. Her ultimate goal is to assist people in fostering a fulfilling relationship with themselves.

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