How To Make An Avoidant Miss You?

A partner with Avoidant attachment style aren’t easy to deal with.

They’re often emotionally unavailable, they try hard to avoid long-term relationships altogether – and it usually feels as though they never miss us.

They’re one of the four core relationship styles … and they’re usually the one that’s hardest to understand.

The good news is that avoidants aren’t completely lost causes. They’re human just like you are and they have real feelings just like you do.

In this article, we’ll be taking a look at the best ways to make an avoidant miss you. This will allow you to get closer to them and develop a stronger, healthier relationship that works for you both.

But first …

Dismissive Attachment vs Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

All avoidants will try hard to avoid getting too close to someone lest they end up getting hurt. They maintain a distance … and when you push too much, they will pull away and look for any excuse to end a relationship.

That said, there are actually two types of avoidant attachment styles:

Dismissive avoidant
Fearful avoidant

A. Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style

A dismissive avoidant is typically someone who feels under threat whenever their independence is under threat. They don’t mind having a few friends as long as those friends remain a fair distance from them.

What’s more, they don’t believe in the need to build strong, long-lasting relationships or friendships. They are happy to go it alone.

They’re comfortable and content with their life and they’re confident enough with who they are. They don’t need anyone else to complement their life.

B. Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

Unlike a dismissive avoidant, a fearful avoidant has low self-esteem. They might want a relationship and they might want someone to complement their life but they’re insecure and lack assertiveness and confidence.

They’re also prone to depression and anxiety, and they may feel as though they’re not good enough for someone. If they have too much stress in their life, a fearful avoidant may become withdrawn and confused, and this can have a harmful effect on their relationship.

6 Ways To Make An Avoidant Miss You:

1. Give Them Space When They Pull Away

If an avoidant partner pulls away from you, they’re usually doing it for a valid reason. And it’s often because they want/need space.

But here’s the funny thing about that: While they may want space, they will also miss you if you go quiet.

So when they pull away from you, don’t smother them by invading their space. Give them time to breathe and process their feelings.

After some time when they have calmed down a bit, they will realize that they haven’t heard from you for a while – and then they will miss you.

Remember, giving them their time and space is a key part of dating someone with an avoidant attachment style.

2. Don’t Rush Them With Texts and Calls (Balanced Communication!)

Whilst it can be frustrating when an avoidant takes ages to return our texts and rarely takes our calls, it doesn’t mean that the solution is to text and call them more. Neither should you ask them why they’re taking so long to respond to you.

In fact, the best thing to do in this situation is to relax, take it easy and let them move at their own pace.

Remember, we all have different communication styles. Avoidants don’t like to text or call all the time and they may often not send the first text of the day.

However, when you back off and take it easy, they will appreciate the fact that you’re not rushing them – and they may then start to text a bit more frequently. They may even text you first!

3. By Mysterious and Selective With What You Disclose

Imagine if an avoidant partner asks about your day and you tell them literally everything. You tell them where you went, who you saw and what you got up to.

You even tell them how you’re feeling about things – about them and you and how you don’t want anyone else.

The issue here is that you’re not creating any mystery. You’re being too open and making this very easy for them.

Avoidants are attracted to a bit of mystery. When you keep information from them, you will arouse their curiosity.

Instead of telling them exactly what you got up to, leave things to the imagination. Let them guess what you got up to and let them worry a little bit that maybe you’ve started hanging out with someone else.

By withholding information and creating mystery, you make yourself appear to be high-value. Your life becomes more fascinating, which draws avoidants towards you.

4. Chill With Your Friends And Post It On Social Media

You’ll find it hard to make an avoidant miss you if they think you’re not doing anything with your life when they’re not around.

In other words, if they think you’re just sitting at home waiting for them to text, they probably won’t react. If anything, it will just bug them.

The best way to make them miss you is to instead appear to be busy with other people.

So go out with your friends, have a good time and post it on social media. Let the world (and the avoidant) know that you’re having a great time! You’re not sitting at home, moping and waiting for their text – you’re living your best life.

5. Look Your Best When You Know You’re Meeting Them

When you manage to strike a date with them, it’s really important that you make the most of it – which means you should dress to impress.

Don’t turn up to the date with negative emotions. Wear your best clothes, smile and be positive.

It’s all about making them feel good whenever they’re around you. If each time they see you they feel your positive vibes, they will miss you and want to see you again and again.

So make each date count. Buy a new outfit if it helps but make sure to wear clothes that give you confidence and inspire you.

6. Focus On Building Your Own Kingdom, Leading Them To Experience FOMO

How do you get a dismissive avoidant in particular to miss you?

It’s tough because they’re generally quite independent and don’t feel as though they need anyone.

One of the best ways to get them to miss you is by building your own kingdom and making it so good that they sense they’re missing out. All of a sudden, they’re a little envious of what you’ve got.

This means creating an amazing life that they want to be a part of. It could be anything, from working on yourself, furthering your career or moving into an amazing house/apartment.

You could also take trips abroad and surround yourself with the best people.

The idea is that you make your life so enviable that the avoidant person wants to be a part of it.

Does an Avoidant EX Reach Out After No Contact?

They won’t always reach out after no contact.

In fact, for an avoidant person, no contact rule often plays into their hands – especially if they were the ones who broke it off with you.

This is because a avoidant partner can easily feel suffocated in a relationship, as though they’re losing their freedom. When the relationship ends, their automatic feeling is one of relief.

They’ve got their freedom back and it really doesn’t matter to them at this point if they never hear from you again.

It all goes back to their childhood experiences, which helped them form an “all or nothing” view of life. They’ll seek out red flags and flaws in your relationship and they’ll focus on them, exacerbate them – and use them against you so that they can back away from this relationship.

When this happens, they’re carrying on with their lives as though nothing has happened. You might be sitting at home, waiting patiently for them to text and thinking that perhaps they’re missing you …

… but the truth is that your avoidant EX may have already moved on. If you’re hoping they’ll text, there’s a very strong chance that you may not hear from them for a very long time unless you make the first move.

That all said, this doesn’t mean that they won’t reach out to you eventually. It could take months, it could even take a full year.

What you have to remember is that, while avoidants can seem cold and distant at times, they’re still human beings just like you. They had real feelings for you and they may still have those feelings.

So what often happens is an avoidant will feel relief that the relationship is over and that they’ve got their freedom back … before eventually they’ll start to realize how good the relationship was and what they’re now missing out on.

Over time, you might hear from them. It’s unlikely your avoidant ex try to win you back because that’s not how people with avoidant attachment styles operate.

Instead, they might make small talk to see how you’re doing. Or, they might simply wait for you to get back in touch with them, at which point they’ll jump at the chance to talk to you again.

Is it worth you waiting for an avoidant to get back in touch with you?

It depends on how much you think they’re worth it.

Waiting around sucks. But if the person is someone you loved, it doesn’t mean they’re a lost cause. It just means you need to help them understand what a real, loving and healthy romantic relationship is like.

Let’s take a look at how to do that in the next section.

How To Make An Avoidant Partner Feel Secure?

A) Reassure Them (Partner Buffering)

Reassurance – of partner buffering, as it’s also known – helps you become more intimate with an avoidant.

The idea is that you give your partner help and support and show them that they don’t need to fear you. Instead, they can come to you whenever they’re feeling anxious or troubled.

You are there for them. And when they pull away and you’re not there all of a sudden, they will miss you.

B) Don’t Be Confrontational and Aggressive With Them

Confrontations are fine in certain relationships where two people use arguments to air their differences and grow together.

When it comes to avoidants, however, confrontations are a big No-No.

An avoidant will do all they can to avoid a confrontation. If you want to say something to them, make sure to speak softly, to show understanding and to be mindful that you don’t raise your voice or get angry.

C) Make Them Feel Appreciated; Compliment Them

An avoidant was typically neglected – at least emotionally – during childhood. This has caused them to fear relationships and prevents them from opening up.

By making them feel appreciated, you can go a long way to pulling down their emotional barriers and getting closer to them through new emotional bond.

Let them know you enjoy having them around you. Praise them on the good things they do and tell them how much value they add to your life.

Your compliments can be big but they can also be small. If they’ve done something worth praising, praise them.

D) Don’t Suffocate Them By Being Too Needy and Clingy

The easiest way to push an avoidant away is to suffocate them by texting them too often and wanting to see them all the time.

They enjoy their independence and they want to see that you enjoy yours, too.

So text at their pace. If they send short replies, you should send short replies, too.

Work out a schedule when you can see each other that suits you both and don’t complain that you never get to see them.

Take it easy, relax and let them lead.

Takeaway:

Healthy relationships with an avoidant are possible as long as you take the time to understand their relationship style. Once you learn how they behave and act, as well as what their wants and needs are, you can adapt and move at their pace.

You can also get them to miss you so that you feel wanted, needed and valued.

Use the tips in this article to make an avoidant miss you but be careful not to manipulate the situation. Live your life, see your friend, don’t rush your partner; create a bit of mystery and let them come to you.

Continue with our series of Relationships For Attachment Styles: