12 Signs You Are WASTING Your Time Trying To Get Your Ex Back!

Hoping to get back together with your ex? 

That’s great.

But what if you’re just wasting your time here and only risking getting hurt again?

While it’s normal to want our ex back if they broke up with us and we never saw it coming (and we now miss them so much), it’s not always the best idea.

Sure, it’s worth trying to talk at first, holding onto hope for a potential resolution – but eventually, you need to know when to cut your losses and move on.

This will save you a lot of time, as well as more potential heartache and grief when they refuse to take you back.

In this article, we’ll be taking a look at the key signs that you’re wasting your time trying to get back together with your ex.

We’ll also show you how to make peace with the fact that they’re not coming back, as well as how you can forget your ex the right way to move on in your life. 

12 Signs You Are Wasting Your Time Trying To Get Your Ex Back

1. Your EX is Showing a Lack of Genuine Interest and Effort 

Let’s imagine you’ve tried to bond with them emotionally again. Maybe you opened up to them, and told them how hard you’re finding life without them right now – but they literally couldn’t care less. 

Or at least that’s how it seems. 

They also show no enthusiasm to revisit what was wrong in the past and conflicts and don’t seem interested in trying to resolve them. 

And when you ask if they wanna hang out and discuss your relationship and what went wrong, they’re noncommittal.

You receive replies like “I might be free sometime next month but I can’t guarantee it.” 

Worse still, they now take ages to reply to your messages. They reply eventually but they take so long that you’re left wondering what’s going on here.

What’s going on is they’ve either moved on mentally and emotionally from the relationship – or they’re trying hard to move on mentally and emotionally. And so they purposely create distance and barriers between the two of you. 

2. Your EX is Not Interested In Any Positive Changes or Growth 

Maybe you screwed up at times in the relationship and it’s one of the reasons you guys broke up. That’s fine, it happens.

But maybe they screwed up, too. Maybe they made mistakes as well. 

But while you’re making an effort to change and do better as a person for the sake of this relationship, and while you’re even showing them how you’ve changed your own life for them, they don’t seem to be making any effort.

As a matter of fact, they’re not interested in addressing what role they played in the downfall of your relationship.

Maybe they don’t think they played a role at all or perhaps your ex never really cared about you

This is a bad sign because it suggests they have no interest in making positive changes for the sake of salvaging this relationship. And that ultimately means that you might be wasting your time here.

Even if you change, they won’t. 

3. Your EX Has Blocked You From Every Mode of Communication 

While it’s true that an ex might block you on social media and other communication platforms before later unblocking you, it’s still not a positive sign if you’ve been blocked for a long time and their social media posts continue without any indication of reconnecting.

After all, when you’re blocked it means that your ex doesn’t want to talk to you right now. And what if they never want to talk to you ever again? 

The only thing you can really do while you’re blocked is be patient and wait for them to unblock you.

It’s possible that they could be using no contact rule, but if its past 6 months then you should reconsider moving on from you ex.

The problem with this is that you’re wasting time. While you fixate on them blocking you, they’re already moving on with their life but you’re standing still.

A much smarter idea is to perhaps accept that, yes, they might unblock you later down the line. But instead of solely relying on hope, consider that they also might not – so why not simply move on?

4. Your EX Has Different Relationship Goals and Life Values 

Even if your ex hasn’t blocked you and is still willing to talk to you, this doesn’t mean everything is rose.

What if they’ve got different relationship goals and life values for you?

This is important because when two people disagree on such fundamental matters as this, it means that they are romantically incompatible.

So while you might get along quite well and have a laugh together, it doesn’t mean anything if you can’t agree on things like marriage, children and even career aspirations.

This also goes for key issues like honesty, commitment levels and loyalty. Sure, the two of you might make good friends – but being friends with ex doesn’t guarantee a healthy relationship.

So if your ex is talking to you but has expressed a desire for a different type of relationship than what you envision, it’s a good sign that you may be wasting your time, and now is the time to fix things. The two of you are good mates – but that’s as far as this can go.

5. You Feel Stuck While Trying to Reconnect

If you’re having a hard time working to get back together with your ex, you might find that it’s coming with a personal cost.

In other words, it’s stopping you from achieving personal growth. 

This can happen. We focus on reconciliation with our ex so hard, that we lose sight of our own identity. 

We alter course when it comes to our own goals, and sacrifice things that matter to us. All in pursuit of an ex that might not even want us back. 

Worse still, you’ve always felt that your ex doesn’t support your goals and aspirations. What if you’ve always had to shelve your individual goals for the sake of your relationship?

If this is the case, you need to ask yourself what truly matters to you here. What are your real priorities?

Is it worth compromising your own personal interests and values for the sake of a relationship? Feeling lonely and seeking companionship is natural, but it’s equally important to find a balance that allows you to prioritize your own happiness.

6. Your ex is Already Seeing Someone 

Your ex has now is already starting to seeing someone else or involved in a committed relationship. However, you still might think there’s a chance you can win them back. After all, the two of you have a special bond, right?

And do they truly love this person more than they loved you?

The cold, hard facts of the matter are that – yes, they might love this person deeply. They have clearly moved on from you and are settled with a new person. 

And while it’s also true that, of course, their new relationship might not work (after all, look at JLO and Ben Affleck getting back together after many years), the sad fact is that you could spend a long, long time waiting for them to break it off and come back to you.

So why waste time hanging around when you can clearly see signs your ex is not coming back

7. There Is Endless Loop Of Breakups and Reconciliations 

If you’ve been here many times before – in a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, only to repeat the pattern again – it’s a clear sign that something is broken here, possibly leading to what is commonly known as a rebound relationship.

Either the two of you were never meant to be together in the first place or one (or both) isn’t doing enough yard work to make this a healthy relationship.

At this point, you could try and win your ex back – but what if the same thing happens again? 

Unless the two of you are willing to work out your differences and solve the core problems that are causing relationship issues, there is very little point in being back together right now.

History is meant to teach us to do things differently and sometimes it’s better to just accept that a relationship just isn’t working. Don’t even make them friend-zoned. Just leave!

8. Reconnection Feels More Like an Obligation Than a Genuine Desire 

Let’s say that you do manage to reconnect with your ex. The issue is that, instead of it feeling genuine, it feels more like an obligation.

In other words, you sense that they’re just going through the motions with you. They’re hanging out with you, maybe even sleeping with you – but the magic has gone.

What does this tell you? 

It tells you that whatever you guys had has now gone. They’ve emotionally moved on from you and just aren’t feeling this reconnection.

In such a situation, you could drag things out just because you miss them – or you could stop wasting time trying to persuade them to get back together with you. Also, you can consider the input of any mutual friend who may have observed the dynamic between you and your ex.

9. There is a History of Emotional or Physical Abuse 

This is a pretty big one but it’s sometimes the case that, whenever there has been emotional or physical abuse, we’re so numb to it (or we’ve been heavily manipulated) that we simply can’t see it for what it is.

But if there have been cases in the past where your ex has emotionally or physically abused you, nothing will change in the future if you two get back together.

Why? Because abusers don’t change. 

So while you might be willing to look past it all at the moment and focus on the good times you had together, the reality is that the abuse will happen again. You will feel down and not good enough and you may even end up with worse scars and injuries than last time. 

So why not quit while you’re ahead? 

10. One of You Struggles to Forgive

Relationships cannot move forward if one of you can’t let go of the past. If one of you holds onto grudges, the relationship will forever stand still.

Forgiving and letting go are necessary for a healthy relationship. It lets you both heal and grow together.

So if you’re trying to win them back but either you or they can’t forgive past mistakes, this probably isn’t going to work. 

All arguments will eventually and inevitably circle back to that one mistake and it will prevent the two of you from enjoying a future together.

If you’re the one holding onto the past, you need to ask yourself if you can forgive them for it. If you can’t, you’ll be wasting your time trying to get them back. 

11. Your Intuition and Gut Feeling Is Telling You That This Might Not Be a Good Idea

If your intuition consistently tells you that getting your ex back isn’t the right idea, it might be time to listen to it. Remember, our instinct is rarely wrong. 

So, assess whether you have a strong gut feeling of uncertainty, doubt and unease.

Yes, it might sound like a good idea in theory to get back together (after all, you had many happy times together) but your intuition might be telling you differently.

And sometimes it’s better to go with our heart instead of our head. 

Not just that but if those close to you have expressed their concerns about this relationship too, you should listen to them. They know you objectively, they know how miserable you may have been at times in this relationship – and they know that it’s only going to end badly if you return to it.

12. Your Family and Friends Advise Against Reuniting 

Lastly, if you’ve spoken to your closed ones about the possibility of reuniting with your ex post breakup, it’s a wise idea to listen to what they actually have to say.

If the general consensus among your family and friends is that you shouldn’t reunite, you might want to take this advice onboard. 

After all, those closest to us often know us better than we know ourselves. They can see when someone is good for us – and they can especially see when someone is bad for us. 

So speak to different people to see how they feel about your ex. Don’t enter into each discussion with a personal bias and don’t react badly when you don’t get the answer you wanted.

Hear your family and other loved ones out and make your decision accordingly. 

What Can You Do Then?

Letting go when you were so invested in a relationship is hard. You still have romantic feelings for your ex and you still think you can get them back.

But as we’ve just seen, there are times when it’s better to just admit defeat and move on.

Here are some things you can do to stop missing your ex

Treat yourself. Instead of focusing on the other person, spend time loving yourself! Do things that make you happy.

Be glad that it happened. Your relationship might be over now but there’s no reason you can’t smile and be thankful that it happened. Hold the warm memories close to you and be grateful for the experience. 

Hang out with your friends. Seeing your friends and family and spending time with them would make you feel happy. This will help you see that there are other people – and other opportunities – out there besides your ex. 

Block them. This is hard to do for many people but blocking your ex doesn’t mean you’re completely cutting them out of your life. It just means you’ll give yourself enough time away from them to stop constantly checking on their lives. 

If you miss her a lot, here’s what you can do when your miss your ex.


So these were the signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back. And, By implementing the strategies I shared, you can begin to shift your attention towards becoming a better person and creating a fulfilling life independent of your past relationship.

While it’s hard to accept that it’s over with our ex, it’s important that you recognise the signs that it’s not worth your time trying to get them back.

Then, you can start the healing process ASAP, move on with your life – and potentially meet someone new. 

So look out for the key warning signs. Recognise them, don’t ignore them and make changes in your life that allow you to accept what’s happened. 

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About Will Titterington

Will Titterington is a highly sought-after relationship coach and author, with a passion for helping individuals and couples build and maintain healthy, thriving relationships. Will loves connecting with new people from all around the world and is always up for a good laugh, and takes joy in making others smile.

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4 thoughts on “12 Signs You Are WASTING Your Time Trying To Get Your Ex Back!”

  1. Ok I have a question. Me and my ex have been broken up for a couple months now. At first we wasn’t talking for the first month almost but we reconnected and started talking again. Since then we’ve been talking just about everyday. She’s told me she hate me and didn’t wanna talk to me anymore and that we wasn’t getting back together even blocked me for a day but somehow she still finds time to contact me. She’s giving me mixed signals then last night she said we’re going to start talking only once or twice a week. Im honestly lost because it’s like she’s testing me to see what my reaction to the things she says.

    • It’s clear your ex is sending some very mixed signals that are leaving you confused. On one hand, she reaches out to talk frequently and unblocks you when she cuts contact. This suggests part of her still wants the connection. However, her stating bluntly that you won’t reunite combined with trying to now limit contact points towards her wanting distance.

      This emotional back and forth is draining, and often happens when someone is still processing the breakup and figuring out their own feelings. She likely cares but is conflicted, and testing your reactions to see if she can count on your support while she works it out.

      My advice would be to give her space if she asks for it, while also communicating that you’re open to slowly rebuilding the relationship at whatever pace makes her comfortable. Don’t get drawn into hostile exchanges if she makes harsh statements. Respond calmly that you understand she’s working through emotions, and you hope in time you can be a positive part of each other’s lives again, whether as friends or more.

      The key is accepting uncertainty for now rather than demanding definitions. You both need healing. Be the stable, patient presence she can rely on as she finds clarity. But also reflect on what you truly want going forward. You deserve someone decided on being with you. With care on both sides, you’ll get through this transitional time.

  2. Me and my ex broke up and we have a 3-month-old son he told me that he wanted to be friends but he still acts like we’re dating he said he wanted space from communicating but he snaps me everyday to the wee hours into the morning and when he does SNAP half the time they’re flirty he also messes around and nudges me and he’s always touching me at some point but he stated he’s talking to someone I’m so conflicted

  3. My ex boyfriend of 3 weeks blocked me on social media but not my phone number, I try to call and text and he answers with one word texts occasionally but for the most part he ignores me. He was the first one to call me birthday at 6am and say he loves me. But I get a feeling he just means he loves me as a friend now and not romantically, bc I tried talking to him throughout the day and he stopped responding again. I think he is seeing his ex again but it definitely feels like he moved on fast without me even knowing before he even broke it off he was getting distant and I felt it he just didn’t want to admit it. I don’t want to give up hope but I think I have to at this point. It’s getting me clear that he wants nothing to do with me.


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