Does it feel like your ex is still with you inside your mind and heart everywhere you go?
It’s almost as if you can’t shake them off, no matter what you do. Forgetting someone we used to love is never an easy process.
The deeper the love we had together with them was felt, the deeper the scars that came afterwards. This can have a long lasting effect in getting over our ex.
According to NBC News, “Men take longer to get over their exes and don’t ever get fully over it. Men are more prone to being shocked. The greater the shock of the loss, the longer it takes to recover.”
Even though no one said getting over your ex will be easy, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
In this article we would love to share some deeper insights on how you can start to forget about your ex, take back your power and feel lighter again.
But, first, let’s discuss a very fundamental question that could be lingering inside your head.
Why is it so hard to move on?
When we choose our partners, we choose someone with whom we share our emotions with, someone who we trust to be there at the end of the day together with us.
We dream about having kids together.
We choose the person we see a brighter future with.
We choose the person that is with us through our highs and lows. Someone we assume will stick around, just like we will stick around.
When this container of safety that you build together, falls away due to loss of love, cheating or any other type of separation, it might feel like the entire house that you both have builded together, crashes down.
There are just too many memories that keeps on playing in our mind that hurt our emotional health. This is exactly the reason that forgetting an ex is, most of the time, very hard especially when you’re not the one that initiated the breakup.
You need to find a way to let go of all the pictures inside your mind that keeps you attached to them.
You need to find a way to let all the feelings breathe and release the ones that once made you so happy when you thought of them.
Now these thoughts about them, about the past memories, about the broken dreams, are breaking your heart instead of building you up.
We get you. We are here for you. We are here to help you slowly regain your power and take the steps that will help you to forget about your ex and find the closure you need. Let’s dive in!
Here’s How to Forget About Your Ex & Move on For Good
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings and the Breakup
This one is the hardest one but at the same time also the most overlooked one.
To really move on from ex, it’s crucial that you have the ability to feel your feelings, genuinely and honestly.
If you’re coping up with breakup by drinking them away or using drugs to numb yourself, the only thing that you’re doing is delay the process of feeling them.
Your true feelings will come out, one day. If you can’t acknowledge the hurt, the pain, if you keep walking away from your feelings, you will keep yourself stuck in the same loop.
Also, who do you think would recover faster from a breakup? The person that decides to take some time off and really acknowledge and feel everything?
Accepting that the breakup happened?
Or the person who walks away from acceptance and numbs themselves from feeling their feelings?
If you don’t follow this step you won’t ever be able to forget your ex completely.
2. Cut off all communication (Both direct and indirect)
Every morning you still see their posts and their stories on social media accounts, you still get a text message to talk about everyday life here and there, you can still feel them close.
One of the most dangerous things that stop you to move on is when keeping the contact open. You might think it does no harm, but it’s more harmful than you think.
If you’re truly serious about forgetting about your ex, it’s important that you stop all the forms of contact.
This doesn’t have to come from a place of anger, but do this from a place of love for yourself.
If you keep all the lines of contact open, your ex can always sabotage your healing process.
They can do this by sending a message or keep you in the same mental and emotional patterns when you repetitively see their social media posts which put salt in your wounds.
3. Have an honest conversation with your ex to get closure
Is it worth it?
First of all, decide if it’s worth it to have the conversation. Are they communicating effectively? Do you feel heard? If so, you can go for it.
- Be honest and direct.
Don’t fight around the bush but say what you need and that is the closure.
- See things from their perspective.
This might help you when you have been going through a lot of fights and discussion together.
- Express your own feelings.
Tell exactly what hurted you and show any feelings that you still have upon your chest and that you feel you want to share with them.
- Ask for closure.
Clearly ask them for closure. This will help you to close the chapter that you both have started to write.
4. Understand that it’s natural to still love your ex
Most of the times when you go through a break-up, you assume that you shouldn’t feel anything for them, you shouldn’t be thinking about your ex anymore to really move on or that you should feel like “it’s the best choice” for it to “be the best choice.”
This isn’t true at all. It’s completely normal to still have feelings for your ex while at the same time agree to move on with your life.
When you get such thoughts, shift your focus somewhere. It will take sometime but eventually you’ll get better.
Remind yourself you’re more than just memories & emotions – it will help you stop missing your ex.
5. Forgive the Past
What I see happening with many of my clients, is that they see their ex moving on after years of separation, but they still keep themselves stuck in the same old loop of the past.
I always tell them that they should start their way to forgive their ex. Not for their ex, but for them to be free.
The past relationship should stay in past.
As long as you keep holding on to the past, as long as you fight and resist how things between you and your ex are over now, you won’t be able to move on and forget your ex.
Forgiving your ex will also open your heart to future relationships.
6. Spend Time Doing Self-Reflection
Most of the time we see a break-up as something that is extremely damaging to our health, something that shouldn’t happen and we wouldn’t wish on anyone.
However, a break-up can be one of the greatest sources of transformation and inner-change if you decide to like it like that.
A break-up gives you a beautiful opportunity to self-reflect, transform and redirect your perspectives.
You can learn what you do love about love, what you didn’t love, you learn about yourself and how you want to show up, how you don’t want to show up.
There is almost no better way to learn than from a break-up.
7. Focus on becoming a better person
As stated in the sign before, this is your time to not focus back on your ex, but focus on youself and your direction in life.
The better you get at re-focusing on yourself, instead of your ex, the more free you will become.
You can decide that you rise above your pain (after you’ve felt it completely) and become a stronger, more fulfilled, more compassionate and forgiving person.
Start running, working out, journaling, meditating. It will improve your physical well being and will also positively boost your self esteem.
Now, when you start doing this, watch your life change for the better.
8. Don’t forget to love yourself
Even though breakups can be extremely hard and you might blame yourself for not being good enough, for the wrong-doings or any mistakes you have made, try to love yourself also a little bit more during it all.
Especially through these hard times, no one needs you more than you! yourself.
So, go out, eat your favorite dinner, take that bath with soap, snuggle yourself on the couch watching your favorite movie.
Become your first and last lover.
9. Take care of your physical and mental health
I know how tempting it can be to stay in your bed all day long, to not put in any effort into your life, because your heart is broken and all over the place.
However, I still am a firm believer of feeling our pain but also about taking responsibility to not let our mental and physical health pass us by while honoring and listening to it at the same time.
Read stimulating and motivating books that help you to regain your power after a breakup, try to do a good yoga class or yin class where you can feel your feelings and release some energy.
To name a few examples.
Take care of your health! You’re still important.
10. Resist the urge to check up on your ex
I know how tempting it can be, to keep checking their social media account for any new updates, to keep checking their online status on WhatsApp or Telegram, but just. don’t. do. it!
If there is anything that is destructive for your mental health, is to check upon them.
To keep trying to find them in the places you know they visit often. To constantly have your eyes on them. It’s unhealthy for you but also for them.
You have to resist the urge and choose something else to focus on instead to protect your mental and emotional health.
11. Get Rid Of The Things That Remind You Of Him
Holding on to their belongings doesn’t make it easier. It actually delays the process of letting go.
If you’re holding on to their stuff, you might still have a small hope that one day you don’t have to give it back.
You have to get rid of all these things to start the process of letting go.
With this I mean all of your photos, their belongings in your home, burn all the letters, anything that reminds you of them, must be deleted.
Trust me, this will accelerate your crying but also your ability to let them go.
12. Don’t Ask Your Common Friends About Your EX
Don’t contact your mutual friends and ask about your ex. You don’t want to get involved in his life when you’re trying to move on.
This will become a bing hinderance if you’re genuinely trying to forget your ex and move on.
13. Keep Clear of the Triggers
Know when you get triggered, learn how to feel a trigger without responding to it and then after that, move on towards another activity.
This will help you to re-focus instead of getting caught up inside your mind.
There is a lot of information out there about how to handle your triggers in a healthy way.
If you want to learn more about your triggers, in this research you can find out more and how to handle them.
14. Hangout with your friends
Sometimes the best therapy is just a good laugh and connection with your old friends. They know as no other how to love you well and how to be with you through tough times. That’s what friends are for.
Don’t be afraid or ashamed to call upon their help if you need it and also to just hangout more and deepen your bonding together!
15. Don’t Look Back or Imagine “What If . . .”
The more you get stuck inside your head, wondering and dreaming of “all the beautiful things that could have happened if you both stay together” will only keep you stuck further inside the mud.
They wont let you move on from your ex.
You need to destroy all the hope and all the pictures inside your mind about “What if…”. Also this is a scarcity mindset. It doesn’t have to end with one person. Your love story can still reach further ahead.
Otherwise, you will keep making the same mistakes that keep you away from moving forward from a failed relationship.
If you have a lot of trouble with your thinking patterns, learning about mindfulness could help a lot. In this article from psychology today, they dive deeper for you to learn this skill.
It’s never easy to forget about an ex. Especially not if you’re still holding on to hope that they might return or that the love between you both went very deep.
However, your story doesn’t have to stop at your ex. You don’t have to get stuck in his waiting room. Start to choose for yourself.
Accept that you and your ex had a chapter in life together and that you both, at some point in time, loved each other.
Accept that they will have a place in your heart, a room that they rented for a while and that focusing too much on forgetting might be a bit hard right now.
If you can accept that it’s there and still choose to move on no matter what, you’ll find over time yourself have a sense of ease with time, with the place that he used to have in your life.
Slowly, you can open yourself again for a new, bright and fresh love, with someone who sees you with new eyes.
You will experience love again. You will experience life again. Your heart will be open again. Don’t ever forget that.