Why Do Men Come Back After No Contact?

Unless you understand men, you might find it hard to keep hold of one.

Or, at the very least, you’ll drive yourself crazy during a relationship.

Take the no-contact rule , for example. When women go no contact with a man, the guy often comes back, even if it seemed like he was done with the relationship. 

What gives?

Well, the no-contact rule is pretty simple: You go completely dark after a breakup, not sending your ex boyfriend any texts or calling him up.

When this happens, he tends to wonder what has happened to you, he starts missing you – and he comes back. 

In this article, we’ll be exploring the no contact period in more depth and showing you exactly why it works so well at getting a guy back. 

But first lets discuss …

How Long Does It Take a Guy To Realize He Wants You Back? 

It can take a few weeks to couple of months for a guy to realise he wants you back Most guys cherish their freedom. So much so that it’s like they can’t wait for a relationship to end! And yet when it does end, they eventually want their ex back.

This process of realization naturally varies from guy to guy but a general rule of thumb is that a man will start to feel the pangs of loneliness just two to four months after he left you.

At first, he might pretend he’s okay without you. He’ll start doing “guy stuff” again, hanging with his buddies, watching sports and cruising the bars.

Before long, he’ll realize that all of this is pretty empty stuff and that he misses having you in his life.

Some guys will live in denial for as long as they can and maybe they’ll hold out for a year. Eventually, even the most hardened, stoic of men will give in to regret and remorse – and they’ll want you back. It’s just human nature because humans aren’t really wired to be alone. 

However, I want to emphasize on the fact that while you can expect your ex boyfriend to come back after no contact, it’s not guaranteed that it will happen.

Why Do Guys Come Back After No Contact?

1. He May Want to Get Closure After The Breakup

Not everyone wants closure – but some guys sure do.

Without closure, a man doesn’t really fully understand why their relationship ended. This can leave them feeling sad and confused and it can also leave them wondering “what if?” 

What if the two of you had done things differently? Would you still be together now?

These questions can grate on a man’s mind because unless he knows why you broke up, he’ll kick himself for the “stupid” things he did.

So if you’ve gone dark and implemented the no-contact rule, there’s a chance he’s spending a lot of time struggling to move on from you. He might not necessarily think he can get you back but he wants to make sure that you broke up for the right reasons and not because of something that could be fixed. 

2. He Want to Get Back Together 

It’s not unusual for a man to want to get back together with his ex after they broke up. In fact, it’s pretty common, with research showing that as many as 50% of couples who break up reconcile.

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This is why most common reason why men come back after no contact. But why would he want to reconcile after no contact? Especially if he was the one who broke it off? 

It could be that your ex boyfriend has spent some time alone processing his thoughts and feelings about you and the relationship … and has now realized what he’s given up. He’s not heard from you for so long – and that can really sting when he is used to hearing from you every day.

Sometimes, guys need to be apart from their woman in order to realize how much she means to them. They spend some time apart before realizing that, you know what? It was better when they were in a relationship.

So, it’s possible that your ex worked on his self confidence now finally coming back after to no contact to make the move on you.

3. He Genuinely Wants to Be Friends Again 

A lot of people say that you shouldn’t be friends with an ex

But why not?

One of the reasons being friends with an ex can work so well is that the two of you trust and know each other, which means you can rely on each other for help and support. This is the basis of a good friendship. 

They have come back after no contact and now they want to be friends but why?

Your ex might have spent a lot of time alone now that you’ve gone no contact and realized what a great person you were. He misses you, and he wants to see you again – but he’s also had time to realize that the two of you are better as friends.

There’s nothing wrong with this if it’s what the two of you want. Moreover, going no contact is a great way to transition from a relationship into friendship because it’s natural that those emotions and feelings you once felt for each other will subside over time.

Once this has happened, your ex might decide to get in touch with you and see if the two of you can be just good friends. 

4. He Is Missing The Physical Intimacy With You 

This is another one of the most common reasons men come back after no contact. SEX!

If the two of you had an intense, physical relationship, it’s highly unlikely that he was able to get over that super fast.

If one day the two of you were having regular sex and then the next you had broken up and gone no contact, he will naturally miss it. 

As such, it’s possible that now the two of you have spent some time apart, he’s starting to miss being physically intimate with you. For him, intimacy might have been the key part of the long term relationship – and he wants it back.

So while he might not have plans to get back into a proper, full-time relationship with you just yet, he is yearning for you physically. This can cause him to come back into your life and ask what you’re up to. 

5. He Feels Lonely And Experiences Nostalgia 

  • Do men get lonely after a relationship has ended?
  • Do they feel nostalgia for the things you used to do together?
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Of course they do.

Mental health goes for a toss after the breakup for everyone and men are no exception.

While he might have instigated the breakup, that doesn’t mean he won’t eventually start to feel lonely and wistful for the way things used to be.

When you go no contact with him, you literally cut him out of your life. This might be what he wanted at the time – but that doesn’t mean it won’t affect him in ways that he didn’t expect. 

When he’s left isolated from you and your shared memories, it’s normal for a guy to start to miss you. He’ll think back to all the good times you had together and this will exacerbate his loneliness. 

So if he comes back to you after no contact and starts saying things like “hey, remember that time we …” It could mean that he’s started to feel nostalgic and wants to rekindle the romance a little. 

6. He Wants To Know If You Still Have Feelings For Him

If he tries to communicate with you after you’ve implemented the no-contact rule, it might be because he wants to know if you still have feelings for him. 

This will happen if he still has strong feelings for you. He’s spent time away from you and he’s probably been very frustrated that you haven’t texted or called.

And now that he’s had time to process his own feelings for you and realized that they’re still quite strong, he wants to know your own thoughts on the situation. 

He might ask if you’re in a new relationship or he might tell you that he misses you in order to see if you say the same thing to him. It will give him some indication of how you’re feeling about him right now. 

He might also ask if you want to hang out sometime.

This isn’t unusual because – as we’ve seen – no contact with a man gives them a chance to realize how good they had it. They get time to think, to contemplate and to assess the situation.

And if it’s dawned on him that he still has feelings for you, he will come back – but he won’t commit fully until he knows your feelings. 

7. He Just Couldn’t Move On

Surprise? No.

Men back after no contact when they couldn’t move on from they ex.

It sometimes happens that you can go no contact with a man and assume that that’s it – it’s all over. You haven’t spoken for a few weeks or months and assume he’s moved on from you.

It’s not always the case.

While no contact gives both of you the chance to move on, it doesn’t always work out. Instead, no contact can really frustrate a man and make things worse if he’s unable to move on from you. 

So what happens is that, after a few weeks or months of not hearing from you, he’ll still be thinking about you and still be hoping that the two of you can reconcile. He’ll be wondering what you’re up to, who you’re hanging out with and whether or not you’re seeing someone.

Because he’s unable to move on from the relationship – maybe because there was no closure or he’s still in love with you – he will still come back even after no contact. He’ll be desperate to hear from you and learn what you’re getting up to.

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If the two of you do resume contact and you tell him it’s over for real, that could actually help him move on. 

Now you know why men come back after no contact, let’s discuss some other important things.

When Should You Follow The No Contact Rule? 

There’s a right time and a wrong time to implement the no-contact rule. If you do this right, it could work in your favor to the point where he may want to come back after no contact. 

Scenarios Where No Contact Rule Works:

The no-contact rule should be applied when you’ve just broken up with your ex or when you’re trying to win them back. 

For example, if you guys went through a particularly messy break-up and he said he doesn’t want to speak with you anymore, now is a good time to go dark for one or two months. 

Or, if you two broke up but are still talking and it’s going nowhere, you could apply the no-contact rule to see if it changes the way he feels about you. 

On the other hand, if he reaches out to you or comes back after no contact, you shouldn’t apply the no-contact rule. It’s the same if your relationship had baggage and other people involved – such as a shared bank account or kids. In this situation, you shouldn’t apply it.

Effectiveness of the Rule in Various Situations:

The no-contact rule works best when you’ve broken up with your ex and you both need time and space apart to process your feelings and emotions. 

It can help you both decide whether you should resume the relationship, whether you should call it quits for good … or whether you could at least be friends. 

I myself tried it with an ex and went 35 days without contacting them. It worked well because it gave us the opportunity to miss each other and realize what we truly wanted. 

It also acts as a learning curve for the other person and teaches them that, should they want to be with you again, they must do better next time.

Navigating Forward 

If you’re missing your ex and want him back, the no-contact rule can work in your favor. The basic rule is simple: You don’t contact your ex for at least a month. 

If he gets in touch with you, that’s fine. But you mustn’t text or call him first. 

After a month, you can assess the situation and see where things stand. If he’s missing you, if he wants you back or if he wants to know how you feel about him, he will reach out to you.

I know that going no contact can be tough. You miss him and want to hear from him.

This is why it’s so important to spend the next month or so staying busy. Distract yourself with other people and other interests and refrain as much as you can from shooting him a quick message. Go radio silence for a few months it’s likely that your ex may back after no contact (given that he actually loves you.)

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About Will Titterington

Will Titterington is a highly sought-after relationship coach and author, with a passion for helping individuals and couples build and maintain healthy, thriving relationships. Will loves connecting with new people from all around the world and is always up for a good laugh, and takes joy in making others smile.

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