A global culture has taught us that the man should make the first move, not the woman.
But the success of apps like Bumble and several surveys and studies show that women can make the first move and still get into the relationships they want without looking desperate.
When a woman messages first, about 30% of her messages will receive a response. Compared to guys, when women initiate contact, they have 2.5x more chances for it to turn into a conversation.
However, the primary concern they face is this: appearing desperate. But social norms have shifted pretty quickly around the world.
Luckily, this fear is now almost irrelevant even though your approach matters.
And that’s what we’re discussing in this article. How to start a conversation with a guy without appearing desperate. These tips and tricks can help you regardless of your orientation or gender identity.
12 Steps For Making The First Move On A Guy in Person
Making the first move on a guy shouldn’t be frightening at all. You never know how many things you may have in common with the person in front of you. But to understand this, you have to start a conversation with him.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind when starting a conversation.
1. Communicate With Your Body Language
You’d be surprised to know how much can you communicate using your body language. Just looking at him for a few seconds more than usual, would create an intimate atmosphere and signal that you’re attracted to him.
Over 60% of our interactions are non-verbal which means that our body language does the speaking for us most of the time. So we should make sure we’re saying what we want to say. When you want to start an interaction with him, make sure you’re facing him and that your arms are relaxed.
When you want to show someone your interest, start by mirroring their actions. If they smile, smile back. If they cross their legs, do the same. Mirroring often happens subconsciously when we’re with someone we like, but doing these actions on purpose will make them spot your interest.
Eyes tell a lot too.
Try to keep eye contact while talking to them but not to the point it feels awkward. Often, move your sight away to see if they’ll look back at you. Also, when a woman touches her hair, it’s taken as a sign of attractiveness toward the other person. Knowing this, you could do it on purpose to reveal your intentions.
2. Sit Next to Him
It’s a no-brainer that when someone sits closer to you, they enjoy your presence. Women always tend to keep a distance from other men they share no close relationship. So when you get closer to a man, it signals to him that you’re interested in knowing him more.
Whenever you have the chance to get closer to the man you like, do it, but without appearing clingy. This always depends on the place you’re at.
If you’re in a work environment where your colleagues watch you all the time, you’d want to be more subtle. But if you’re in spaces such as the canteen, clubs, school, or events, you can be less worried.
Sitting next to him when having a conversation creates the feeling of intimacy and indicates that you like them. The key here stands in being able to maintain a balance between showing interest and appearing needy.
3. Engage In A Conversation With Him
Genuine conversations are necessary to build intimacy and connect with him. And this means that you should be ready to talk about topics you might not have discussed with friends or other people. Three are the key pillars of a good conversation:
- Being honest,
- Being a good listener,
- Being positive.
If you’re all moody throughout the conversation and focus only on the negative side of the topics you’re discussing that might be off-putting. Avoid making up lies or acting all-knowing thinking you’ll impress them – because relationships built on lies don’t last.
4. Ask Him Interesting Questions
Questions keep the conversation going smoothly, but you should ask the right ones if you want to progress the connection further.
For a moment you should put away the topics that are in your interest, and start talking about what the other person likes.
The right questions help you understand what these topics are. Some of these questions might include:
- Topics they’re experts in. E.g “Hey, I’ve heard that you won the Math Championship this September! I’ve never been good with numbers, honestly. I’m curious about your relationship with math.”
- Common interests or backgrounds. E.g “For how long have you played volleyball? I find the sport fascinating too. My mom was a professional player and I’m thankful she introduced me to it early.”
- Asking for recommendations to learn their tastes. E.g “I’m going on a sleepover with my friends this weekend and we still haven’t decided what movie to watch. Do you have any suggestions? What movies are you into?”
Depending on how much you know them, your goal should be to personalize your questions as much as possible.
But at the same time, make sure the conversation flows smoothly. It shouldn’t sound like an interview.
5. Compliment Him
A good compliment can easily divert their attention to you. Especially if you’re in a group setting and want his attention and to understand that you’re attracted to him.
But be careful of acting like a mediocre flatterer.
Otherwise, they might lose respect and interest in you. There’s a fine line that you should be following.
One simple compliment is enough, but what can it be about? Well, here are some suggestions:
- The way they’re dressed. E.g “Wow, that shirt fits so well with your trousers!”
- Their recent accomplishments. E.g “That promotion was well-deserved! I’m happy about you!”
- Their character traits. E.g “You’re so funny! Your friends are lucky to have you around.”
6. Ask for One-on-One Help
This is probably the best way to signal to them that you’d like to spend more time together. If there’s a common occupation or interest you both share, that’s a great topic to ask for help in. Especially if you share the same workplace or attend the same school.
But this is not the only possible scenario. For instance, if you are learning the same language or learning a language they’re proficient in, that can turn into a great topic to ask for help.
After you learn a bit about them, it will become easy to find a topic you can ask them to teach you more about.
It’s important that you ask for help in a moderate matter and are indeed interested in what you’re asking for.
Don’t fake your interest just to get closer to them. It leads to a relationship built on lies that doesn’t last long.
7. Save Your Number on His Phone
Having their social media and having their phone number are two completely different things.
We don’t know most of our social media followers and neither do we have a special relationship with them. But when it comes to our phone number, only a few people have it.
But the way you exchange phone number matters too.
For instance, if you obtain their phone number from a third person or find it in the company database, and message them, it will seem creepy and odd. But if you ask him to exchange phone numbers directly, it’s completely a different thing.
To do this smoothly, ask him for a link, suggestions, or thoughts on a particular matter, giving him a number where he can contact you.
Another option is to slip a note with your number into his backpack, which sounds old-school and pretty romantic.
8. Ask Him To Hang Out
Depending on how much you know each other, you can suggest going someplace together. If you think it’s still early to hang out only you too, suggesting a group hang-out it’s the best approach to be closer to him.
The best way to make the first date as little awkward as possible is by avoiding the question “Will you go on a date with me?” directly.
Suggest a place where you can have a drink or eat. If he likes football, you can suggest going to watch a match together.
Avoid making general suggestions if you want this to go somewhere. For instance, if you know that there’s a football match being played soon, or a film showing at the cinema this week, suggest you go watch it.
9. Buy Him a Drink
It’s unpopular for a woman to be the one who offers a drink to a man. But there’s nothing weird about it. Boldness is an attractive trait, and it shows a lot about your personality.
By offering him a drink, you’re immediately showing him that you’re interested.
However, you should keep in mind to approach them at the right time. For instance, if they’re already with a friend, it’s best to wait until they’re alone. Otherwise, you might risk making them feel embarrassed.
You’d be surprised at how much you can learn with this simple act. The drink he chooses to have reveals interesting details about his personality. If he orders a beer, it shows that he’s a pretty regular dude. If he’s a party guy, he might order tequila or something similar.
10. Be Flirty
Flirting is one of the most straightforward ways to show him the intentions of your approach. There’s nothing to be shy about it. As long as you’re interested in him, let your actions speak on your behalf.
These could be simple things such as punching lightly his arm or leaning towards him when he cracks a joke. The shorter the distance you keep, the more intimate the atmosphere between the two becomes.
It’s very easy for a woman to start flirting since men can pick up the signs immediately and respond appropriately to your intentions.
Keep eye contact during this time because it affects how he perceives you. Your compliment, convos, or flirts, won’t have the same impact without eye contact.
11. Crack Some Jokes
Humour is a decent skill that can be useful in this case. Throw a pun here and there, and make witty comments whenever you find the chance.
Think of this as a time to have fun and express yourself. No matter how the conversation goes, it’s important to show your authenticity.
The moment you stay chill and take things with ease, you’ll loosen up and jokes will flow smoothly. You won’t have to try hard. That happens because when you expect an outcome you’re stressed out and unable to be creative.
But when you let go of the expectations, the conversation flows.
Jokes are universally used to create a warm atmosphere and get closer to a person or a group of people.
They’re perfect to make the other person feel comfortable and even attracted to you. Not only are they a great way to break the ice but they also make the other person feel safe and open up.
12. Just Share Your Feelings With Him
Stop running around in circles.
If you’ve known this guy for a while and the connection between the two hasn’t progressed into intimate conversations, it’s time for you to make the decisive step to express your feelings.
It’s not taboo anymore for a woman to make the first step toward the man she likes. We’re seeing so many crazy things happening around the world, at which approaching a man isn’t comparable the slightest bit.
If he likes you back, it’ll turn into something beautiful, and even if things go south you just saved yourself from wasting time waiting for him to make the first move.
In most cases, you’ll understand whether he’s interested in you or not based on how he interacts with you. Before making this step, make sure he has displayed some kind of interest in you by smiling, keeping eye contact, or sharing important details of his life that a stranger wouldn’t know.
You can read our guide which shares 17+ ways to tell a guy you like him.
Tips For Making The First Move On A Guy Online
Let’s be honest. Most of our interactions nowadays happen online. A study from Standford University showed that online dating keeps the stake as the most prominent way through which couples meet (over 39% of respondents favored it.)
With the trend growing rapidly, it’s best to learn how to navigate online dating. Here are a few tips to keep in mind when approaching him online.
13. Respond to His Post
Has he posted an Instagram story recently? That’s the perfect chance to make your step. Respond in a cheesy way to it or simply throw in a pun just to start the conversation. But be mindful of your approach.
What do you aim to make him feel when he sees your reply?
Think about it.
Do you want to know him more, or start flirting with him immediately?
Whatever your goal, don’t be afraid to try this approach as you’re highly likely to get a reply which might turn quickly into a date.
Besides replying to stories (which is among the best strategies because the reply is private) you can also comment on their posts. Girls rarely comment on a guy’s posts, so he’ll understand immediately your liking and preferably check out your profile and maybe message you himself.
14. Ask Him questions
Questions are the pillar of good interactions. So whether you’ve met him on social media or through popular dating apps, questions can lead to flirting and even a date. But most importantly, you’ll get to know him better.
However, here are some things to keep in mind for the conversation to flow smoothly when you’re interacting with him online:
- Don’t reply immediately. If you’re always available and reply fast, his ego could make him think you’re addicted to him and he’ll start to gradually lose interest in you.
- Get to know his interests. Some good questions would involve what his interests and his future goals are. By talking about serious matters, you’ll display yourself as mature which is highly attractive.
- Get to know his perspective on dating. Is he currently in a relationship with someone? Ask this question gently by mentioning things he could be doing with a partner. (E.g if he’s traveled recently ask him with whom does he like traveling.)
15. Chat With Him About Common Interests
Talking about common interests isn’t something you should brush off as a fact and then forget it.
Don’t let the conversation stop at the point you learn about your common interests. Suggest him to work on something together and maybe meet to discuss further doing a project together.
And even if there’s nothing you think can be discussed together, invite him to a group meeting with friends who share similar interests.
Or maybe suggest that you join an event, workshop, or training together. There you’ll get the chance to know him better.
You can discover what he likes in most cases just by looking at his profile. If you notice any shared hobby in his pictures, you can even start the conversation with him directly by sending him the picture you saw, commenting on it, or asking where the place is.
16. Send Him Memes & Reels
Most of you find it hard to come up with a creative joke, there’s already a lot of content online that you can share with him and laugh together.
Exchanging memes and Reels for instance doesn’t only help you bond with him more but also gives you insights into what content he likes.
Actually, you can go even deeper by observing the content he sends you. From there you’ll understand what content he likes watching that the algorithm keeps showing him.
Overall, sending memes and funny Reels is a great way to keep the conversation going even after you’ve consumed all the topics you could talk about. It can also be a great way to open new topics for discussion.
17. Send Him Flirty Texts
Now we get to the juicy part. You intend to go on a date with him and maybe get into a relationship together. But to develop an intimate bond, you have to make your intentions clear, and flirty texts are a fine way to do this.
Compliment his looks and the content he posts and start asking him more about his view on relationships.
Keep on asking him how he treats a partner, and what are his preferences in bed. These topics are broadly discussed even among friends, so there’s nothing to be shy about.
Also, let’s not forget the most powerful tool to flirt with a guy: emojis. Sending heart emojis is a smooth way to give hints that you’d like to get more intimate with him, without being explicit about it.
But, What If He Rejects Me?
Studies show that guys would rarely reject it when a woman makes the first move. Even though the chances of being rejected when you take the first step as a woman are increasingly low, it may happen. But it’s not a reason to get discouraged. The world will keep on spinning even after rejection!
If your affection is expected positively, that’s a good start, but even if it’s not, you just cut the time you’d have to spend waiting for him to make the first move. As long as you approach him with honesty and maturity, you’ll match with him if he shares the same worldview and intentions.