How To Get His Attention When He Ignores You

We recently received a cry for help from Amanda, who asked us: “How do I get his attention when he ignores me?”

Amanda shared that she’s crazy about this guy she’s recently started dating, but lately he’s become distant and hard to reach. She’ll text him and get replies after hours. And, when they do talk, he seems distracted and disinterested.

This drastic change has left Amanda confused and hurt. She doesn’t want to lose him, but she also refuses to keep chasing someone who doesn’t value her.

If you’re in the same boat and feeling dejected by radio silence and emotional unavailability from a man, this article is for you.

Depending on the reason why he started to ignore you, there are ways to get his attention back. 

Before that let me tell you something very important:

Men and women deal with their emotions differently.

That’s why learning about men and their emotions is an essential step that you should take before trying to get his attention back.

Men & Emotions: What You Need To Know

When trying to get a man’s attention back, it’s advisable to first figure out what determined him to switch his focus away from you in the first place.

What exactly made him pull away and start ignoring you?

Generally speaking, men hate confrontations and they also tend not to show their real emotions. But, this is not because they’re tough. It’s not because they feel nothing.

No, it’s about the fact that most of them were raised believing that it’s not appropriate for them to talk about their feelings.

They were taught that they are supposed to provide for themselves and for their family, to be fearless, resourceful, and so on. 

Out of the 4 basic emotions, a human can experience, men were always encouraged to express their anger and happiness rather than their sadness and fear.

Compared to women, men were never encouraged to freely and openly talk about their emotions. On the contrary, they were and still are advised to accept the situation and “suck it up.”

Men deal with negative emotions in the following ways:

• They work harder and drown themselves in their work;
• They spend less time with family, friends, and girlfriends;
• They start consuming more alcohol or harmful substances;
• Their behavior changes and might become violent or reckless;
• They run away and try to avoid negative emotions altogether.

On top of that, when it comes to stress, which is a combination of fear and anger, men don’t deal with it in the same manner women do either. 

Let’s say that you are stressed at work.

What do you do?

As a woman, you might find it easier to call the man you’re dating and tell him what you’re going through.

But, guess what?

He’d be tempted to do the exact opposite. If he complains, it means he is weak – or, at least this is what society makes men think.

In fact, when a man is stressed, something called the “fight-or-flight” mode is activated in him.

Let me explain:

As a response to stressful factors, a man would either confront the problem and deal with it right away, or simply run away from it.

And this brings me back to you.

If he’s ignoring you because he’s dealing with negative emotions that aren’t related to you, then getting his attention back is possible. He’s simply dealing with his emotions in his manly way.

The same goes if he’s stressed. But what if you unconsciously hurt him?

Well, there’s a solution for that, too!

Read on to find out how to switch his focus back on you!

How To Get His Attention When He Ignores You

Here are 13 ways to get his attention when your boyfriend ignores you. (dos and don’ts included):

1. Stop chasing him for a while (no calls, no texts)

Look, even if all you want right now is to make him respond, there are no shortcuts to this. 

You simply can’t make a man miss you and wonder what you’re up to if you are constantly reaching out to him. 

Especially if he ignores you, calling him more and texting him more will not solve your issue. He will not decide to reply to you just because you called him for the 100th time.

He won’t reward you for that.

Instead, it might determine him to pull away even more. This happens sometimes when you chase a man.

Why?

Because he is a man and men are usually the ones who do the chasing. Now, you might think that in this modern day and age, this might not apply anymore.

However, it’s also a psychological fact that we humans are wired in such a way to want what we can’t have. 

So, if you follow this logic, and stop texting him or calling him, he’ll wonder if he lost you. And this is exactly what will determine him to stop ignoring you.

2. Find more effective ways to communicate with him

If you want healthy relationship then you should educate yourself with the 4 main communication styles:

• Aggressive – direct, defensive, hostile, hurtful, and inconsiderate;
• Passive – inexpressive, silent, indecisive, and avoidant;
• Passive-aggressive – avoid conversation, inconsiderate, hostile;
• Assertive – direct, honest, considerate, and respectful.

For example, to get his attention when he ignores you, you shouldn’t be aggressive in the way you communicate. 

Especially if he is a passive communicator, you won’t get a reaction out of him. 

However, if you try to communicate in an assertive way and he is a passive-aggressive communicator, he might ignore you.

So, what’s the solution? 

Do your best to express your thoughts and feelings clearly and in a respectful way.

If you say mean things to him and accuse him of various things, he will not reply.

Also, there’s something else you could try: If you’re always texting him, switch it up. Try a video call next time or a simple call. Anything unexpected could make him react.

3. Trigger his innate hero instinct

Did you know that you can trigger something in any man called the hero instinct?

It’s true!

This is a relatively new concept in the relationship world and it might be the right solution for you.

How so?

Basically, if you trigger a man’s hero instinct, you’ll awaken something in him that will not only determine him to stop ignoring you but also make him want to take things to the next level with you.

This works with any man because any man has the following needs: the need to feel important, to feel wanted, and to feel needed. 

Simply put, if you treat him as an accessory and don’t value his role in any aspect of your life, he won’t choose you. He’ll ignore you some more.

Instead, he’ll choose a woman who always asks for his help and also for his opinion.

In fact, these are two of the most powerful ways to trigger a man’s hero instinct to keep a man genuinely interested.

Fill in the blanks and send him one of the following messages. He’ll definitely react!

• I really need your help with… You’re the only person who can help me with…
• I am thinking of buying… What model do you think it’s best? I’m really not good at…
• Help me, I feel lost. I don’t know what to do about…
• Do you think… or… is better? I am so lost without you!

4. Make a thoughtful gesture for him

Be honest: Are you in love with him? 

If you are, then don’t be afraid to make a grand gesture. Don’t be afraid to do something thoughtful for him. 

Maybe he ignores you because of something you did or didn’t do. For example, maybe you hurt his feelings or offended him. Or, maybe you were acting cold and he needed more attention.

Who knows, perhaps you did something he asked you not to do. Whatever the case, if you feel he no longer gives you attention because he’s upset with you, then do something nice for him.

There are many things you could do for him. However, every man is different, so here are some suggestions:

• Buy him something and have it delivered to him;
• Make a playlist with songs you know he’ll enjoy;
• Make a collage with pictures of you and him;
• Send him a joke every day until he replies.

5. Try to reconnect by planning a fun date

The next way to get his attention when he ignores you and after giving him some space is to try to reconnect with him.

And what better way to reconnect with him if not by planning a fun date he can’t refuse? 

But wait, why plan a fun date if he ignores you? Well, if you send him a text saying something along the lines of “Tomorrow night, 8 PM. A surprise romantic adventure awaits,” you have all the chances to succeed.

The idea here is to spark his interest and curiosity, and also show him that you put a lot of effort into something.

He might find it difficult to ignore you even if he is stressed, having problems at home, or is slightly upset with you.

Here are a few fun dates ideas:

• Attend a local festival with him;
• Take him on a treasure hunt around the city;
• Do something adventurous with him like hiking, climbing;
• Go to an art museum and have a romantic dinner.

6. Show him there are other men you find interesting

Listen, if this guy still doesn’t break the silence, maybe it’s time to play a little dirty yourself. What if you could try to make him jealous?

Although this is not my preferred method to make him stop ignoring you, it works.

In this regard, there are many ways to make him jealous:

• Go out with your BFFs and have fun. But, don’t forget to post lots of pictures of you having fun while you’re at it! Seeing you have a good time could trigger a response from him.
• Interact with his friends or with his work colleagues and make sure he notices. Laughing at their jokes is the best way to grab his attention.
• Make your presence felt online. Don’t be afraid to share all the awesome things you’re doing on your social media profiles. Also, give other guys attention by responding to their comments. This will make him miss being in the center of your attention.
• Act confidently and draw attention to you in social situations. If you happen to see him at an event, don’t shy away. Instead, mingle and interact with everybody.

How To Deal With A Guy Who Ignores You All The Time

7. Let Him Know How You Feel

Let me ask you this: Is he clueless about your feelings for him?

If he is, then maybe it’s time to tell him what you really feel. Maybe he stopped taking you seriously and started ignoring you because he wasn’t sure how you felt.

As discussed before, men react differently to women and they process their emotions in other ways as well.

This means it could help if you are direct about your feelings for him, as well as your intentions for him.

Now, this way is definitely not the easiest way to stop him from ignoring you. Even so, if you truly want him to start talking to you again, you must make some effort.

Confessing your feelings is never going to be easy. The fear of getting rejected and the feeling of vulnerability might be strong enough to stop you. 

But, don’t let them! In case you think this guy is worth it, face your fears, and confess your feelings for him.

8. Give Him The Silent Treatment

What do you do when a guy pulls away? You pull yourself away!

This is exactly what he doesn’t expect from you. He is clueless about what you’re going to do, but he’s sure you will do something.

But when you don’t do anything, he’ll start to wonder.

At first, he might be angry with you, but then he will realise that his constant hot and cold behavior is unhealthy for the relationship.

So, what will he do?

He will break the silence and contact you. Here comes the tricky part…

Do you reply or ignore him?

Even if your instinct would say to reply to him, the best choice would be to do the opposite.

Why?

If you do this, he might understand how he made you feel when he ignored you. He will also find it impossible to go against his nature and stop chasing you.

9. Shift Your Focus From him

A great way to get his attention when he ignores you is to do whatever it takes to prevent yourself from obsessing over him.

In other words, try to focus on something else but him. You could focus on your personal development, on your hobbies, or on something else entirely.

It is up to you to decide what to focus on. It really depends on your goals and aspirations, as well as your lifestyle.

However, if you get the chance to improve yourself or do something for better health or fun, don’t miss it just because of a man who ignores you. 

He’ll most definitely stop ignoring you if he sees you’re not needy or desperate, which brings me to the next point, which is mostly about what NOT to do if you want his attention back.

10. Refrain from acting desperate

One of the biggest turn-offs is a desperate woman.

If you’re acting desperate, it’s like you’re asking him to ignore you even more.

It’s like you approve of his decision. You make him realize he took the right step when he started to ignore you because otherwise, he’d have to deal with a desperate woman.

Why are desperate women undesirable?

Here are a few reasons:

• They are no longer mysterious;
• They appear as insecure;
• They are often jealous and needy;
• They tend to be controlling;
• They often do irrational things.

So, whatever you do, do your best NOT to put your self-esteem on line. Your texts won’t even reach his inbox if you do – he might block your number.

11. Don’t be rude, act like a cool and relaxed woman

Want to know more?

A sure way to make him ignore you further would be to start being rude to him. Out of anger and frustration, you might think that provoking him is a good idea.

But, hear me out! It’s not. 

Don’t turn yourself into an aggressive communicator. That will not help you with your goal. On the contrary, it will put you in a negative light.

If you think about it, there’s no point in trying to belittle him, blame him, or offend him. You don’t even know why he ignores you.

Not to mention that if you do it, he might reply in the same manner. How awful would that be?

So, be the better person and avoid being rude to him.

12. Stop Texting & Calling Him All The Time

One more reason for him to ignore you?

If you call him or text him all the time. In short, if you suffocate him and don’t give him any space for himself.

For example, if you’ve been contacting him for a week and he still didn’t reply. You should stop.

Even if you get his attention back, you might lose it once again by contacting him excessively. In this regard, if you find it difficult to refrain from reaching out to him all the time, this might work:

As a rule, only call or text him in the morning and in the evening or whenever you two agree to talk. 

In this way, you both know what to expect and make time for each other.

13. Say no to “Netflix and chill” aka FWB

If you’ve recently started dating or been to a few dates only, don’t try to get his attention by inviting him over for some “Netflix and chill.”

We all know that doesn’t mean you two will watch a movie, but more like make your own movie happen – if you know what I mean.

Unless you want to have a friends-with-benefits relationship with this guy, refrain from trying to get his attention like this.

Sex is one of our primary needs and he might break his silence for it, just to go back to ignoring you afterward.

Takeaway:

These tips will definitely help you get his attention back if he is genuinely interested in you.

However, if these tips don’t work out then you will need to ask yourself the following questions:

Has He Lost Interest In You?

Look, if you didn’t do anything to upset this guy or push him away, and you’ve also tried the tips above without any success, it might be time to let him go.

If he’s going through some personal stuff that made him distance himself from you for good, there’s nothing you can do. 

Maybe this isn’t the right time to be together or maybe he’s simply not the right guy.