Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Miss You? (+ 10 Signs)

Yes, emotionally unavailable men can miss their partner, although expressing or acknowledging these feelings might pose a geat challenge for them

I know it’s hard to believe the man who seems allergic to feelings could actually pine for you.

But as a relationship coach, I’ve seen even the most commitment-phobic men regret losing that special woman after the fact.

The problem is these men are terrified of emotional vulnerability and intimacy.

They’ll convince themselves they’re better off alone rather than risk getting hurt again. But underneath the distant exterior lies a heart hoping you’ll see through it.

In this article, I’ll help you spot signs your emotionally unavailable man is missing you badly despite his poker face.

You’ll understand the roots of his avoidance and how to connect with his hidden heart.

With some patience and wisdom, that hard shell can melt.

What are the traits of an emotionally unavailable man?

Before you can come to any conclusions, it’s best to determine for sure if you’re dealing with an emotionally unavailable guy or not. 

The following characteristics are indications of an unavailable man:

1. He Avoids Emotional Intimacy

If the man you’re with seems to avoid emotional intimacy, it could be because it makes him feel awkward or because he’s not emotionally available. 

Emotionally unavailable men have an over-inflated fear of getting lost in a relationship.

They fear their partner will cling to and control them once they share their innermost feelings and thoughts.

They may dodge intimate situations or conversations, and it can feel like you’re hitting a wall whenever you try to get close to them.

They can even become uncomfortable when you express love for them or initiate physical affection.

2. He is always Hot-and-Cold

Hot and cold behavior is a big red flapping flag that someone is emotionally distant.

It may seem as if he is being pulled back and forth between wanting to be with you and not wanting to be with you. 

When a person is hot one minute and cold the next, he isn’t ready to have a deep, emotional, and committed relationship. 

3. He Fears Commitment

One of the biggest misconceptions about a fear of commitment is that it’s just because a guy wants to keep his options open.

Sometimes it runs deeper than that. 

Emotionally unavailable men can fear commitment because they know it will require them to give more of themselves to the relationship than they can. 

This circles back to intimacy, which an emotionally unavailable man already has. It might not be that he doesn’t want to commit to you, but he finds it difficult to commit to anyone.

4. He Judges Your Emotions as ‘Overreacting’

If you have an emotional response or show your emotions and your man immediately jumps to saying that you’re overreacting, it could be a sign that he’s uncomfortable with emotions because he is emotionally unavailable.  

An emotionally unavailable person can exhibit low empathy and have difficulty understanding or sharing in other people’s feelings. 

Their emotions are turned off, resulting in limited comfort and an inability to understand or share someone else’s feelings. 

They might care about you, but since they’re uncomfortable exploring their emotions, they may be unable to identify or connect with your emotional needs.

5. He Prioritizes His Independence

It’s natural for a couple to want to spend time together and to prioritize that naturally.

If your man seems to prioritize his independence and leans towards doing things alone instead of together, it could be a big red flag that he’s emotionally unavailable. 

He might worry about losing his independence by getting close to you and may prefer doing things his way, on his schedule.

Such fierce independence can make it challenging to fit into someone else’s life or balance individual needs with romantic commitments.

10 Signs an emotionally unavailable man misses you

Being involved with an emotionally unavailable man doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. You may have to find ways to make the relationship work. 

That said, you may first want to know if he misses you so that you can decide if your efforts are worth it. Here are a few signs that an emotionally unavailable man misses you.

1. He actively engages in deeper conversations

After spending some time with him, he seems to be opening up more and readily getting into deeper conversations with you.

If you are used to one-sided conversations, but you notice he starts communicating more, this could be a sign that he is ready to go deeper.

Perhaps he brushed off deeper conversation topics in the past, but now he seems as if he is more open to them.

He shares his feelings and thoughts more openly and lets his guard down around you.

2. His affection is genuine and respectful toward you

Instead of treating you like a hot accessory in his life, he is showing genuine affection and respect toward you. 

He’s introducing you by name to the people in your life, he’s not standing you up when you have plans, and if he makes a promise, he follows through on it.

These are respectful ways a man may show affection towards you. 

3. He shares his thoughts and feelings with you

Consider it progress if he tells you what he is thinking and mentions how he feels about something.

He can tell you things about his past, dreams, or hopes for the future.

When this happens, don’t have an overboard reaction as it may push him away, right back into being unavailable again.

Be gentle, accepting, and warm in your response to ensure he feels comfortable enough around you to open up about anything.

4. He initiates and maintains meaningful conversations

It can feel one-sided if you’re the only one who ever speaks about meaningful things. 

It’s a sign that your man is growing as a person and warming to the idea of being emotionally available if he starts new meaningful conversations with you.

It shows you’re important to him and cares about your thoughts and opinions.

5. He talks positively about you to others

Emotionally unavailable men will often not tell their family or friends about you.

They may even avoid saying anything too positive or supportive about you, fearing that others may think there’s more to the situation. 

If it seems as if he is saying positive things about you to other people, it could mean that his feelings have developed and that he misses you.

It’s a good sign that he cares about you and wants others to know that he values you and is proud to be with you.

Usually, when you miss someone, you tend to talk about them to reduce the absence.

6. His body language indicates his desire to be close to you

Emotionally unavailable men may be playful but distant in their body language. 

The closer you get, you may notice that he pays more attention when you talk and positions his body towards you. 

He can suddenly place his arm around you or touch you occasionally while you talk.

7. Your presence brings a smile to his face & uplifts his mood

You’re more than just a fleeting interest if you seem to light him up when you walk into the room. 

If you notice that he’s smiling more and is genuinely happy around you, it’s a good sign that he misses you and enjoys being around you.

8. He posts things on social media that remind him of you

While he may not post hundreds of pictures of the two of you, perhaps he posts a quote you share with him or a snapshot of the scenery from a hike you did together. 

These little reminders are a good way to show that he wants to connect in some way and possibly misses you.

9. He engages with your social media

Emotionally unavailable men can be unavailable on several levels. You may wonder if he will ever like your posts or why he doesn’t when he seems to like other people’s posts. 

And then, it happens. He starts liking your posts and commenting!

This could be a sign that he misses you. It shows he wants to keep up with your life and know what’s going on with you.

10. He expresses a desire to spend time with you and respects your schedule

It’s a good sign if a man asks to see you or spend time with you but also accepts that you have a life and schedule that’s important to you.

It shows he cares, wants to spend time with you, and tries to find times that suit you too. 

What Causes emotionally unavailability?

Most cultures expect men to be strong and may reinforce notions of emotional vulnerability as a weakness, causing men to develop patterns of emotional unavailability to try to live up to expectations.

Everyone is different and can express emotional unavailability in their own way.

There are many reasons why a man might be emotionally unavailable.

For starters, unresolved issues may be at the forefront. 

Unresolved past trauma, like break-up trauma or grief, can make it difficult to be vulnerable or emotionally present with a new partner. 

Such issues can contribute to feelings of low self-esteem and make it more difficult to share or experience intimacy, especially if caused by infidelity, relationship abuse, toxicity, or love that wasn’t mutual.

Another reason is fear.

Fear of being hurt again, especially if someone betrayed their trust in the past, can make a man emotionally unavailable. 

Intimacy fears can result from various past experiences, including rejection, abandonment, neglect, or abuse. 

Such fears can cause someone to put up barriers or withhold affection as a defense mechanism.

Attachment issues can also play a role in someone becoming emotionally unavailable. Past experiences, especially in childhood, can cause attachment issues that make people emotionally unavailable. 

If caregivers didn’t show interest in his feelings or offer much support or affection when growing up, attachment to romantic partners may follow a similar pattern. 

It can cause him to stop seeking connections, and he may struggle to verbalize his emotional needs.

How do you connect with an emotionally unavailable man who misses you?

Are you in a relationship with an emotionally distant man and are wondering what to do?

You don’t have to end things if you don’t want to. 

There could be several reasons why he is emotionally unavailable. You could find ways to better connect and communicate in ways that serve you both.

One of the most important things is to ensure you communicate what your needs are. Being in a position where you feel your emotional needs and desire for connection aren’t met is pointless. Eventually, you’ll lose interest or be overwhelmed with dissatisfaction. 

If it seems as if the guy you’re interested in is just stringing you along and will never want a deeper relationship with you, it’s a good idea to establish clear boundaries to ensure you project your emotional well-being. 

Tell him you have certain emotional requirements, and if he can’t meet those requirements, you’re not sure it will work out. 

Pushing someone into a relationship when they cannot commit or making them feel like they’re a failure will not work in your favor. 

If he seems emotionally unavailable, it’s best to step back to let him figure out what he needs and wants. Issuing an ultimatum may result in an unpleasant outcome for both of you.


An emotionally unavailable man can change how he thinks and feels. Being emotionally unavailable often phases out as he gets closer to someone he feels safe with.

However, it can take time, and it’s not something that can be easily and quickly changed. Patience and compassion are necessary when trying to make things work with someone whose emotionally unavailable. 

Before deciding what action to take, assess the situation and consider if it’s something you can handle. Evaluating and exploring the cause can provide insight into how to deal with emotional unavailability.

Does the relationship fulfill you, and are you happy with the affection and emotional support you’re receiving?

Take the time to put your feelings first, and don’t be afraid of stepping away if necessary!

Jayme Wium
About Jayme Wium

Jayme is a certified relationship & communications Counselor and a professional writer with 13 years of experience. She lives in the United Kingdom with her Daxies, reading and writing as much as her free time will allow.

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