Are you trying to find out if an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you?
You’ve come to the right place! Below, I’ll share with you 14 signs that will help you figure out this guy’s feelings for you.
But first, are you sure you’re dealing with an emotionally unavailable man?
If you’re dating a guy who doesn’t want to label your relationship and is always busy, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he has attachment issues.
That’s why it’s important to learn how to tell if a man is emotionally unavailable.
How do you know if a man is emotionally unavailable?
Typically, this type of man can be spotted because he doesn’t like to make plans. When does meet you, he rarely bothers to ask you what you want to do.
He basically calls the shots, while you do all the relationship work. What’s more, you can identify him if he always avoids the DTR talk and he doesn’t talk about his feelings.
Getting emotionally intimate with him feels like a continuous fight. No matter what you do, you don’t seem to grow closer.
What do psychologists say about emotional unavailability?
Dr. Lindsay Jernigan, a licensed clinical psychologist, explains its meaning beautifully:
“When we say someone is emotionally unavailable, we mean that they are not comfortable feeling their own emotions, sharing emotions with others, or being present and responsive to someone else’s emotions.”
In other words, he has a really hard time understanding what he feels and what other people feel. At the same time, he might not make any effort to understand himself or others.
This could be due to multiple factors, but more about that later.
What are the characteristics of an emotionally unavailable man?
- He avoids emotional intimacy – he doesn’t want to be vulnerable
- He has a fear of commitment – he keeps his relationships casual
- He has difficulties expressing empathy – he doesn’t recognize your emotions
- He keeps communication to a minimum and sometimes doesn’t reply
- He has a hard time trusting other people – including his romantic partner
- He is guarded and closed off – he avoids opening up altogether
What causes emotional unavailability?
Experts agree on 4 main causes, namely childhood experiences, past experiences, traumatic events, and cultural and social factors.
Parents who neglect, ignore, or invalidate their children risk turning them into emotionally unavailable adults.
The same goes for society. It makes men think they shouldn’t be emotional and that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness.
One or more past experiences can have the same effect. It can teach both men and women that when they show emotions, they risk getting hurt.
Traumatic events often determine people to shut down emotionally. Why? They can’t deal with what they’re feeling.
What does an emotionally unavailable man want in a relationship?
Guys that have attachment issues usually avoid getting into serious relationships. They like to keep things casual and not get into emotional stuff.
However, this doesn’t mean they don’t fall in love. They do, and when that happens, they try to meet their special someone halfway. They do their best to share their feelings and make compromises.
Overall, what they want is to feel loved. They want their partners to show them that they love them and also to tell them that. They need to feel validated and safe.
Stop Guessing: 13 Signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you
Now that you know the basics about emotional unavailability, let’s go over the signs that give these men away when they’re in love.
1. He opens up to you little by little
An emotionally unavailable man thinks that opening up is risky, as well as scary. So, if he starts doing that with you, it means he’s in love with you.
When he tries to tell you what goes through his mind and shares personal things about himself, he is actually making an effort to get closer to you.
That might not seem like much to you. However, it’s proof that he trusts you enough to become vulnerable with you and more emotionally transparent.
2. He wants you to be part of his social circle
Are you past casual dating with him? You definitely are if he introduces you to his friends and co-workers.
When a man takes this step and includes you in his social circle, it could mean that he truly wants you to be part of his life. Otherwise, why would he do it?
In case he didn’t invite you to any casual group hangouts or even to a work event, you could try to suggest that to him.
When you do that though, make sure you’re not being pushy. Just express your desire to accompany him.
If he says yes, then you know that his decision is based on his feelings for you.
3. He talks about his past experiences
Talking about his past experiences is really hard for a guy with attachment issues. Most probably, he chose to shut down emotionally because of them.
Maybe he grew up in a dysfunctional family or maybe a woman from his past broke his heart really badly.
Either way, if he tries to make you understand him better by sharing things from his past with you, take it as a sign that he caught strong feelings for you.
Also, pay attention to his stories. They are especially helpful if you want to identify the reason he became this way.
4. He is clear about what he wants from you
Listen, if such a man tells you something like…
… I am not looking for anything serious right now
… My love life is not a priority right now
… I am looking to have fun and see how things go
What does it mean? It means exactly what he says. So, listen carefully to what he tells you.
In case he finds a way to tell you that he’s interested in a serious relationship with you, you can rest assured that he’s in love.
Men like him don’t like to string women along and expect the same from the women in their lives.
5. He cares about you and asks for your opinion
Emotionally unavailable people are also highly independent. Something happened in their past that made them trust no one and only rely on themselves.
They usually don’t care about other people’s opinions and make decisions based on their judgment only.
Even so, when they catch feelings for someone, things change. They become interested in what that person thinks and they start to include him/her in their decision-making process.
However, this only happens after he begins to trust you and sees that you are honest and keep your promises.
6. He changes the way he talks about you two
Let me ask you this: Does he use inclusive language?
If he refers to both of you by using plural words like “we” and “us”, then he does! He thinks of you as a couple and that’s why he changes the way he talks about you two.
He does this because he wants to include you in almost everything he does. And that’s a big step for men with attachment issues!
In other words, even if he didn’t tell you, he thinks about you two as a couple and he speaks as such.
Actually, according to a research article in psychology, the tendency to use plural pronouns often indicates how close a person is to another.
7. He wants to improve himself for your relationship
Love is a powerful motivator. It can determine even the most emotionally unresponsive men to want to work towards a positive change.
Simply put, if he shows any signs that he wants to improve something about himself just to make things work between the two of you, then he is in love with you.
While there could be other reasons as well, this one is the most obvious one. He understands that being with you requires certain efforts from his side.
8. He starts to align his words with his actions
If you’ve been dating a man with attachment issues, you must know that he almost never keeps his word or promises.
He might agree to do many things with you, just to cancel last minute or show up really late. A self-sabotaging technique, this one is common among emotionally unavailable men.
But what if he started to align his words with his actions? Is that a sign he has a crush on you?
The answer is yes! A change for the better in his behavior is always a good sign.
9. He does his best to meet you halfway
Typically, a relationship with such a guy is a nightmare because they don’t do any relationship work. They don’t even try.
However, if you notice that he’s genuinely trying to tell you things about himself, as well as attempting to make compromises with you, then you’re on the right path with him!
He’s in love with you and that’s why he makes an effort to work on building a healthy and happy relationship with you.
Even if that means he sometimes feels uncomfortable, he still accepts it because he has romantic feelings for you.
10. He wants to build an emotional connection with you
Pay attention to this sign because it’s a big one!
Even when a man shuts down emotionally, he still pursues sexual and casual relationships. He doesn’t mind the part where physical pleasure is involved or casual conversations.
What he does mind is when things get serious. That’s when he usually pulls away or simply runs.
But if he didn’t run from you, take it as a sign of love. Building an emotional connection with you scares the hell out of him.
However, it appears that his feelings for you are stronger!
11. He tries to make compromises for you
A man who comprises? He’s a keeper!
Especially if he’s someone who has problems dealing with his own emotions, as well as other people’s emotions, making compromises shows he cares.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t try. He simply wouldn’t because it would be too risky. You could disappoint him one way or the other.
So, if you’re in love with him and he is willing to compromise for you and your relationship with him, do the same for him. That will show him that you’re worth it.
12. He is not afraid to discuss the future with you
Since one of the ways to spot men characterized by emotional unavailability is their tendency to avoid talks about the future, if your guy does the opposite, you can blame it on love!
In other words, it’s highly unlikely for such a man to discuss the future with you and also include you in his plans unless he has serious intentions with you.
Why not? That could make him a target of continuous disappointment.
What’s more, if he also wants to get involved in your life and help you with making a career plan for the following years, then he’s clearly in love.
He started to care about you and that’s why he changes his behavior like that. Who knows, maybe you’ve changed his views about dependency.
13. He wants to protect you
Another sign that gives emotionally unavailable men’s feelings away is when they act protective of their partners.
Although men have an innate instinct to protect the people they care about, it usually isn’t active or triggered in men with attachment issues.
But if you manage to get to him in that way, then his heart is yours!
Ways a man can protect you are:
- He always makes sure that you get home safely
- He defends you in front of other people
- He cares about your health and well-being
14. He makes you a top priority
Are you high on his priority list?
If you have no idea how to answer this, take the following aspects into consideration:
- He doesn’t run hot and cold
- He stopped making excuses
- He makes consistent efforts
- He is invested in your relationship
If you identify this type of behavior in him, it could be caused by his feelings for you. In case he does all these, you managed to get to him in a special way.
Do emotionally unavailable guys miss you?
Yes, they will! But the real question here is this: Will they allow themselves to feel it?
They might choose to ignore their feelings for you and move on. This is the simplest choice for them because they’re used to doing that.
They know how that feels and they’re comfortable with it as opposed to missing you.
Let’s face it: Missing someone is not the most pleasant feeling in the world, especially if things didn’t work out with them.
So, what are the signs telling you? Is he in love or what?
If the signs are in your favor, congratulations! You won his heart, but be careful. Being in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man or is not going to be easy.
When an avoidant loves you and you two are in a relationship, It will be a continuous struggle to show him that you won’t hurt him and that you will be able to provide him with the emotional stability he needs.
What’s more, it could be a bumpy road because he’s going to keep making mistakes. After all, you can’t expect him to change overnight.
But if you think he’s worth it, this proof of love should be everything you need to build a serious relationship with him.