Why Do Guys Disappear When They Like You?

I’ll be honest with you: Some guys will come into your life, make you feel good, and then suddenly disappear. 

They’ll make you think they’re genuinely interested in you only to ghost you without a warning. 

But, why do they do it?

Are they really all assholes, or is there more to it?

Even if there are many players out there focused on getting as many bed buddies as possible, there are also many cowards. 

These guys choose to disappear instead of openly communicating with the women in their lives and telling them the truth. 

To be more precise, they choose to ghost you because they don’t have it in themselves to tell you why they don’t want to see you anymore. 

Now, this doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. You will not be compatible with every man you’ll meet or like in your life. 

What’s more, there are also the avoidants, as well as the men who were deeply hurt by women before.

In fact, there are many reasons a guy would disappear even when you think he likes you.

So, let’s discuss…

17 Reasons Why Guys Disappear When They Like You:

1. He only Wanted The Sex

Let’s start with a reason that has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them: They are in it just for the sex part.

Look, I’m not going to start blaming men that want to explore their sexuality.

It’s totally normal for each of us to be curious sexually and experiment based on our desires.

However, the only problem with this is that most men aren’t honest about it.

Most guys won’t tell you they’re interested in having sex with you only. 

The reason? It’s obvious – they are afraid they’ll be rejected

In this case, maybe you’ve seen each other for too long and things were starting to get more serious, which is something he didn’t want or something that scared him away. 

Or, maybe he simply found another woman to fool around with and try new things sexually and he simply moved on.

2. He Felt major letdown in terms of intimacy

Sexual incompatibility is a huge relationship dealbreaker for many men and women.

What does this mean?

It means it could be the reason why he disappeared from your life. Maybe he had high expectations sexually, and – although he didn’t share them with you – he decided you didn’t meet his needs. 

Or, maybe he is an inexperienced guy and you freaked him out with your bubbly and uninhibited personality. 

There’s really no way to know for sure unless he tells you.

However, according to this study in personality and social psychology, even something as small as a difference in libido is a relationship deal breaker for many men and women. 

It’s true!

No less than 39 percent of male responders and 27 percent of female responders said they’d break things off with someone just because they’re not in the mood to have sex just as often as they are.

3. He Thinks deserve better or the other way around

The next reason why guys disappear when they like you is when they think you’re too good for them or they’re too good for you

Self-esteem has a more important role in romantic relationships than you think! Research shows that self-esteem can influence your relationship satisfaction just as much as it affects your partner’s.

The guy who ghosted you might think you’re out of his league. Maybe he’s seen things about you that made him believe he won’t be able to keep you interested for a long while. 

Maybe he didn’t think he has a real chance with you and decided to save himself the trouble and stop talking to you. 

If he did that, it’s pretty clear that he has self-esteem issues and isn’t confident in his own strengths. You may be indeed a highly valuable person, but this isn’t something that would scare a self-assured man away.

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Or, he may simply think he deserves better. 

4. He didn’t Feel His Hero Instincts

Have you ever heard of the hero instinct? 

It’s an innate drive that men have and when a woman manages to trigger it, she awakens something in them. 

A man’s behavior can change in a lot of ways, such as:

  • An emotionally unavailable man can become the most committed partner you ever had.
  • A player can stop his bad habits and commit to a monogamous relationship with you.
  • An irresponsible man can become the most reliable partner you ever had.
  • An avoidant can change his attachment style for the woman who makes him feel like a hero.

Now, triggering this part of him is not easy and if he disappeared from your life, it means you didn’t do it. 

The secret? Trigger a man’s hero by making him feel he has an important role in your life; by making him feel like he’s indispensable.

5. He was uncertain about his emotions

Here’s another common reason guys disappear when they like you: They aren’t sure of their feelings. 

They may like you, but at the same time, there could be other things getting in the way of your relationship and he might not be ready to deal with them because his feelings for you aren’t strong enough. 

Being romantically involved with someone comes with a lot of responsibilities. They may simply not be prepared for all of that and they prefer to bail on you. 

Let’s face it: Figuring out our feelings for someone is not easy. You don’t just wake up one morning and say “he/she is the one!”

It’s a process and if guys choose to disappear, it means they’re not feeling it. 

6. He felt it challenging to commit to you

Guys who disappear when they like you could have an avoidant attachment style.

What does this mean?

It means that:

  • They demonstrate anxiety about intimacy.
  • They are reluctant to commit. 
  • They don’t share personal things with their partner.
  • They think their partners are clingy.

But did you know their parents might be to blame?

New research reveals that commitment-phobic people are like that due to unresponsive or over-intrusive parenting. 

To put it simply, their needs as kids were unmet and they learned not to rely on others or trust them. Or, they had no intimacy as they grew up and they fear that will happen with you as well. 

If that’s the case, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. That’s just the way they react and try to keep their relationships as superficial as possible to avoid going through the same trauma.

7. He is shy guy afraid of rejection

I recently watched a Chinese TV Show about the romantic life of 3 women, a mother, and her 2 daughters.

One of the daughters was dating a guy who was profoundly afraid of rejection

He couldn’t handle it when his girlfriend was even a little upset with him. He feared that she will break up with him and that’s why he was always looking for other girls to hook up with and was cheating on her. 

He was so afraid of losing everything that he needed to have a backup plan – always.

As disturbing as this may be, it comes from his fear of rejection. 

So, answer this: Before he ghosted you, did you have an argument? 

Maybe you made him feel bad about himself or make him think that you are disappointed in him and don’t want to see him anymore. 

8. He is a player or serial daters

I have another hard truth to share with you: Some guys are serial daters. They date more than one girl at once and they keep changing their favorites.

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These guys are either players or they’re looking for an ideal girl that they never find.

Or, there’s another possibility: They are at a time in their lives when they like to date… a lot. 

Now, if you are not the one to stop him from dating and make him want to commit to just one woman, don’t beat yourself up!

I am sure there were times in your life when you were not ready for a serious relationship and you didn’t mind at least talking to more than one guy. 

Maybe he’s there, too. He’s overwhelmed with many options and he can’t keep track or focus accordingly. 

He keeps things light with each person he dates and probably puts no effort into this and goes with the flow. And yes, he’s a coward for not telling you!

9. He saw RED flags in you 🚩

Why do guys act interested and then disappea? They like you, but… they notice one or more red flags about you. 

I am not sure what scared your guy away, but it might be something you said or did. His disappearance is not exactly convenient either because you won’t find out. 

The good news?

No matter what you did, you just dodged a bullet. Having a man whose afraid of confrontations in your life is worse than one who ghosts you. 

You definitely have flaws. We all do. However, when guys disappear without telling you what went wrong, it shows they are flawed as well. 

10. He didn’t feel that spark with you

I am sure you’re familiar with the line “It’s not you, it’s me.” It’s a classic and countless people have used it over time. 

One of its meanings is this: I like you, but I don’t feel that spark with you… something is missing. 

This could be exactly what you’re going through. The guy you were seeing decided to ghost you because the chemistry he was looking for wasn’t there. 

Who is to blame in this situation? Neither of you. 

People do lose interest.

Romantic and sexual incompatibility is common. That’s why it’s so special when we meet people with whom we are compatible on more than one level. 

11. You stopped feeding his ego

Did you know that some men date women just because they make them feel nice?

As odd as it might seem, these guys don’t need to like you. They only need to like the way you make them feel. 

And you can make a man feel good in many ways. But what if you stop and you don’t even realize what was keeping him close to you?

He might disappear from your life! I know this might make no sense to you. However, it’s possible!

It is indeed outrageous but this has everything to do with their ego. You see, to keep them close, you have to feed their ego constantly and be better at it than anyone else.

12. You didn’t make it on his priority list

The next reason guys may ghost you is related to the other things in their lives. For example, they might not have time for love because they focus on work. 

They have certain priorities in life and a relationship with you is simply impossible to hold onto. They have a career to focus on and they know they can’t be good boyfriends at the moment. 

Or, they may have other responsibilities that occupy their time, such as taking care of their parents or the elderly. 

Unless he told you what was is going on in his life, I guess there’s no way to find out for sure.

13. He is reluctant to be emotionally vulnerable

I mentioned the avoidant attachment style earlier. People characterized by this attachment style have a hard time opening up to someone. 

They don’t only find it difficult to be emotionally vulnerable with other people, but they are scared of it. 

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For example, if you try to get close to such a guy, he will probably do the opposite. He will run. However, he doesn’t do this because of you. 

As a child, whenever he needed closeness, he didn’t receive it. He was left alone and disappointed.

That’s why, as an adult, he is now very uncomfortable with any emotional aspect of a serious relationship. He is so uncomfortable that he chooses to ghost you.

14. He is carrying past emotional pain and trauma

If their parents didn’t mess them up, there’s another possibility: Guys who disappear were hurt by one or more women before. 

Who knows, maybe these women ghosted them and that’s why they ghost you – because they think you will disappear at some point, just like the other women did. 

And, instead of waiting for you to do that, they do it first. In this way, they save themselves from  disappointment and heartbreak.

Of course, there are many other examples, such as when every woman they loved cheated on them. There are many sad cases out there. 

15. He felt that you’re not over your ex

Be honest: Are you the type of woman who can’t stop talking about her ex? Not even with the guys you date?

If you are, this is one of the reasons why guys might disappear when they like you. They might think you are still not over your previous relationship. 

In this case, you can’t really blame them. While there are men that would stick around to show you they’re better than your ex, not all of them do it. 

To be fair, it’s not advisable to make your current partners compare themselves with your ex-partners. 

16. He was trying to manipulate you by playing hot and cold

Before you ask yourself why guys ghost you when you think they like you, ask yourself if they’re really gone. 

How so? Maybe they’re playing the hot and cold game. 

In other words, if they’re not answering now, it means they’re pushing you away and don’t want to talk anymore. 

However, there could come a time when they play hot again and try to pull you back in. 

This is a well-known dynamic that many people practice. It’s used to maintain a person’s interest, but it’s basically a mind game.

They could be playing with your mind just to make you fall for them even harder and thus give them more control over you. 

If that’s the case – be careful! Make sure you’re getting the respect you deserve.

17. He didn’t feel the compatibility

Do you remember when I talked to you about cowards?

Guys who disappear because they think you’re not compatible with each other are another perfect example. 

They simply make up their mind and they keep going on with their life without you in it without saying a word.

While these men might also be afraid of confrontations, most of them simply don’t bother. They have no respect whatsoever. They only care about the outcome that includes them. 

Takeaway:

Being ghosted is a terrible feeling. However, it says more about the person who disappears from your life than it says about you. 

If a guy is not looking for anything serious or he has commitment issues, that’s not on you.

If a guy lost interest, it’s also not on you.

He may also be an avoidant type and honestly it’s no good. You can’t change that about him, so you’re better off. 

The same goes for being ghosted due to a lack of compatibility, sexual or not. It’s probably best it happened this way, and things didn’t go too far. If he suddenly disappeared, save yourself the trouble and try to move on as soon as possible. Don’t give him the satisfaction of contacting him ever again.

Daniela Duca Damian
About Daniela Duca Damian

A journalist by profession, Daniela has been sharing her knowledge and personal experience in the psychology of love and relationships for the past 5 years. Her work is based on facts, practical advice and is meant to help everyone achieve their romantic goals. When she isn’t writing, she challenges her friends with meaningful questions about life.

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