21 Signs of a Player (Tales from My Dating Diary)

A player is the type of man who seems dreamy… at first anyway. 

He has a very smooth style when it comes to approaching you, making you feel comfortable with him, and flattering you with compliments.

He can seduce you with no apparent effort and make you feel shivers down your spine with just one look. 

Such a man is capable of keeping any woman under his spell for a while.

Trust me!

I’ve been there and I can tell you for sure that I was smitten. 

However, it won’t last forever. You will snap out of it at some point because every player reveals his true nature in time.


I can tell you from personal experience that a player will always do the following 21 things that will give away his true intentions.

Let’s jump right in!

How Do You Know If a Guy is a Player?

1. He was too effortless when he first approached you

A player is a confident guy who makes every interaction with women seem effortless. He’s someone who has been chatting up women for a while, so he’s pretty good at it.

Such a man approaches you in a very natural way and talks easily to you without being awkward or shy.

When you met him, he probably showed up out of nowhere and caught you by surprise. He talked to you as if you already knew each other and was able to keep your interest.

He seduced you with his style and with his charisma to the point where you stopped being suspicious about him and totally gave in.

Can you relate?

In my case, I was at a concert and he kept approaching me little by little until, by the end of the night, we kissed and he also got my phone number.

2. He showed no sign of nervousness on first date

You might ask yourself, “What’s wrong with a confident guy?

While there’s nothing wrong with a confident guy, if the guy you’re seeing is over-confident, you should take it as a red flag. 

Regardless of how confident someone is, if they like a person, they can’t avoid being even a little bit nervous.

So, if he didn’t seem nervous when he first approached you, or when you first saw each other, it’s probably because he’s used to picking up women and going on dates with them.

On top of that, players are known for being impatient and wanting to move forward too fast. To be more precise, they will try to get in your pants sooner rather than later. 

If he did that or at least tried to get physically close to you on the first date, it’s a obvious sign he is a player.

3. He knows how to make you feel good

The next sign you’re dealing with a player is related to his ability to make you feel good without knowing much about you

Look, you might think that you and this guy are meant to be together… at first anyway.

Whatever he does, he hits the right spot and makes you feel all sorts of happy feelings.

For example, in my case, he was very chivalrous. He’d show up on time, buy drinks for me, and always asked to spend the night together with him. 

Yes… you guessed it!

I wasn’t able to resist his advances and less than a week after meeting him, I slept with him. 

Even so, he didn’t make it look like a mistake and his behavior toward me was quite warm. We were seeing each other every other day and the fact that he wanted me to spend the night after having sex made me feel safe.

Want to know a secret, though? Girl, I was totally WRONG!

4. He’s very mysterious about his personal life

Does he like to talk a lot, but not much about his dating life? Beware: it’s a sign of a player. 

To truly understand the mentality of a player, you must know that he’s not after building deep connections and finding a life partner. 

On the contrary, he wants to get as much as possible with as little involvement as possible. He doesn’t want to be straight with you and he doesn’t want to become vulnerable with you. 

He is not interested in revealing his true self to you or opening up about his life. He wants just sex with you and to keep things simple.

How can you tell for sure that he is just after your body?

Ask him questions that have the potential to pin him down or reveal personal aspects of himself. 

If he tries to avoid giving you direct answers and you see that he’s trying to change the subject, it means he definitely has something to hide.

5. You’re the one doing all the work

In terms of getting to know each other and building a stronger emotional connection and emotional intimacy, you’re the one doing all the work. 

He doesn’t stop for a second to acknowledge or talk about more serious stuff. 

If this is true, it’s a sign he’s a player. He may go on and on about the same topics or play the victim role. 

For example, in my case, he was always complaining about work and often talked about going to work abroad. 

And the worst part?

He never asked me a serious question about my work. He knew what I was doing for work, but he never specifically ask me something about it. 

If this is happening to you, don’t overlook it! Your job may be boring or too complicated for him to understand. However, if he’s genuinely interested in you, he should ask. 

6. He is love-bombing you

Don’t get me started on love-bombing! 

Players are the absolute best at love-bombing you. When you’re being love-bombed, you’re basically at the center of his attention. 

He pays you compliments, showers you with gifts, and does the nicest things for you. Even if you just met him last week, this won’t stop him from going overboard with his proof of affection. 

On top of that, if he gets the chance, he might do the same with your friends and/or family members. 

But why does he do it?

He wants you to fall in love with him because if you do, then it will be much easier for him to control you and manipulate you according to his needs. The same goes for your loved ones.

In fact, a study by Strutzenberg et al on love bombing has shown that people who do this are narcissists and they do it with the purpose of building a connection. 

7. He is very friendly to most women

An overall attractive and seductive guy, the player knows his way into a woman’s pants and also into her heart. A player very good conversationalist and he comes off as a very friendly person. 

Even so, you can tell a player from a simply friendly man by carefully observing how he interacts with everybody, not just with women. 

So if you notice he’s being extra friendly only when he has to deal with a woman or more, take it as a sign!

It’s a negative sign that clearly says lots of things about his nature. 

Want an example? 

Here’s what happened to me: He was especially friendly with a bartender girl that was like 10 years younger than me. She worked at a bar where the two of us used to hang out. 

I didn’t think anything of it at first because I always showed up with him and I thought she knew he was taken. 

Was I wrong again? YES.

8. His compliments are mostly directed at your physical appearance

Take a second and remember every nice thing he said about you. Take a pen and a piece of paper and write down every compliment you remember.

The purpose?

I’m asking you to do this to see whether he mostly compliments you on your body or if he has noticed anything else about you. 

You see, a player doesn’t bother to pay compliments that are beyond appearances. In this way, he doesn’t have to remember anything about you or analyze you in any way. 

He just has to look at you. After all, he doesn’t need to do more because these simple compliments work. 

When he gets close to you and you feel his breath on your face and he whispers sweet words in your ear, you’re unlikely to think about the quality of his compliments.

9. His phone monopolizes his attention, or he shuns it completely

Here’s how things go with a player: He is always looking for new bed buddies. He has no intention to settle, so he’s putting himself out there all the time.

He may do this online, in person, or both ways. So, unless he flirts with multiple women in front of you when you go out, he might do it on his phone. 

That’s why it’s always a bad sign when a guy you’re seeing seems glued to his phone and pays more attention to what’s happening there than to you. 

In addition, if he also puts his phone away really fast if you lean in when he’s typing something, then you don’t need more proof. 

10. He hasn’t introduced you to his family and friends

The next sign of a player? He has no intention to introduce you to his family or friends and doesn’t want to meet yours either. 

Regardless of what he says to you, the truth is this: He doesn’t want you to meet his family because he doesn’t plan on keeping you in his life for too long. 

He has no interest being in a serious relationship with you!

He doesn’t want you to meet his friends because he’s afraid one of them might give him away and because he can’t be himself with them if you’re present. 

So, if you’ve tried to plan a get-together and he totally rejected the idea or he keeps asking for rain checks, he’s dishonest!

I actually met one of his friends and do you know what happened? He hit on me once while the guy I was seeing (the player) went to the bathroom. 

11. He plays the hot and cold game

Are you familiar with the hot and cold game?

It’s quite popular and it’s very effective when you want to maintain someone’s interest in you. 

At first, the player’s behavior is hot and filled with love-bombing moments. But then, after a relatively short while, his behavior turns cold. 

This is when he doesn’t reply to your texts or calls, acts busy and uninterested, and so on. Usually, this is when he dates other girls and treats them as he treated you before. 

However, when he gets bored of them or things get shaky, he comes back to you. He goes back and forth until his true nature is revealed. 

If he play games like these then it’s a sign of player.

12. He keeps you in dark about the relationship status

A great conversationalist, the player is also really good at avoiding certain talks if he wants to.

In this case, it could be the talk about your relationship status. 

He pretty much keeps you in the dark and you don’t know where you stand. One moment he gives you the impression that you’re together, just to disappoint you the next with his cold behavior. 

He also avoids talking about the future with you. By doing so, he keeps things simple and he doesn’t create unrealistic expectations that he can’t live up to. 

Such a man can even make you feel bad for even considering a DTR talk and use your insecurities against you. 

13. He doesn’t take you out on dates

To continue my story, I already mentioned that this guy and I were seeing each other at a bar. But what I didn’t tell you is that we never went someplace else. 

Yes, you got it right. He never really took me on a real date. We met there and it became our regular spot. 

At that time, I didn’t think twice about it. I was having a nice time with him there and we always went back to his place from there. 

I was living in the moment and enjoying his interesting personality and masculinity without having second thoughts. 

While living in the moment is definitely not wrong, I was wrong because I settled for less. So, if he doesn’t take you out on real dates, then run! 

14. He doesn’t put in any effort unless…

… it’s about sex. 

You’re just his booty call.

If you didn’t have sex with this guy yet, watch his behavior: What does he do? 

In case he respects your decision to take things slow and he doesn’t bring it up every time you see each other, then you’re definitely NOT dealing with a player. 

However, if he insists on getting intimate and he’s always getting closer to you than you’d like, you’ve got your answer. This is an obvious sign he’s a player and only wants one thing.

If you already slept with him and he wants to do it again, a player would go out of his way to make that happen again. But, if he knows there’s no chance he’s getting it again, he might stop trying to be nice.

15. All his ex-girlfriends are psychos

Listen, if a guy tells you that all his ex-girlfriends are psychos, don’t take his word for it. He’s trying to draw your attention from the truth. 

No one can be that unlucky to only meet psychotic women, right? 

He’s telling you that because he doesn’t want to go into details because there’s no way he’s being honest with you. So, he doesn’t have any details to give you. 

Most of the time, when a player talks about his past relationships, he highlights the fact that he was hurt and had to deal with impossible women.


Because he wants to play the victim. He wants to earn your compassion and empathy. 

16. His online presence is heavily skewed towards women

To identify a player, take a look at his social media profiles. Scroll through his feed and observe what he posts about, who likes his pictures, and who publicly comments on them. 

In this way, you will be able to figure out if his online presence is directed at women or not. Don’t forget to check which people he follows. 

If you see lots of women on that list, then don’t try to find excuses for him! Accept the truth that he might be a player. 

For example, although I didn’t notice at that time, the guy I was seeing (the player) had a Facebook profile with very little information about himself, photos, and posts. 

What he did have plenty were female friends, though!

17. He makes you feel incredibly insecure

After love-bombing you and treating you like a princess, a player will also make you feel incredibly insecure. 

  • He won’t admit you two are in a committed relationship, but he won’t say the opposite either. 
  • He won’t make plans with you or if he does, he cancels them at the last minute. 
  • He won’t introduce you to his friend group or family or agree to meet yours.

All these are reasons to feel insecure about what is going on between the two of you. They’re also reasons to make you doubt yourself and they’re incredibly unhealthy. 

Keep this in mind: A guy who really likes you would not do this to you on purpose.

18. His attitude has changed after being intimate with you

Another sure way to spot a player? He changes his attitude after you have sex. He is no longer treating you in the same way.

Now, I’m not saying he becomes rude to you or anything like that. But, he doesn’t put in the same effort either. 

He might stop being extra nice and always tell you that you look good. He could even stop sending you good morning texts. 

In my case, if we parted ways in the morning, he didn’t pay any attention to me whatsoever until late at night when he was available to see me again. 

19. He has been caught lying

Listen to me carefully: ANY lie, regardless of how innocent you might think it is, is still a lie. Especially if you’re just getting to know the guy, don’t let any lies pass.

The so-called white lies might be accepted by most people. However, my advice to you is to not trust people who like to bend the truth. 

So, if you catch him lying even about the smallest thing, give this some thought. He might be a player and he will eventually break your heart if you choose to believe him. 

Do you remember that bartender I told you about – the younger girl? Well, I caught him lying to me about her. 

Long story short, he slept with her one night when I decided not to see him because I was tired from work. 

I found out that just because he was sloppy. He told me two versions of what he did that night.

20. He is a passive-aggressive guy

A passive-aggressive guy is defined as someone who:

  • Avoids direct communication.
  • Blames you for something he did.
  • He gives you the silent treatment.
  • He teases you in a cruel way.
  • He doesn’t keep his word.

Players are often characterized by passive-aggressive behavior. So, if he makes promises and doesn’t keep them and often finds excuses for his behavior, don’t give him the benefit of the doubt.

He’ll use it to manipulate you further.

21. He plays mind games with you

To manipulate you and gain control over you, a player might play mind games with you. If he’s already being hot and cold with you, it means he’s already started. 

Other examples of mind games are:

  • He is leading you on.
  • He has a controlling attitude.
  • He is mean to you without a good reason.
  • He compares you with other women.
  • He tries to make you jealous.


Now that you know the signs of a player, you can decide for yourself what to do next. In case he is indeed a player, don’t hesitate to move on. However, if the signs don’t clearly point you in that direction, don’t be afraid to give him some more time. Who knows, maybe he’s still trying to figure out his feelings for you.

Daniela Duca Damian
About Daniela Duca Damian

A journalist by profession, Daniela has been sharing her knowledge and personal experience in the psychology of love and relationships for the past 5 years. Her work is based on facts, practical advice and is meant to help everyone achieve their romantic goals. When she isn’t writing, she challenges her friends with meaningful questions about life.

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