Your partner may fear losing you. How romantic is that?
Well, actually, it’s not as romantic as you might think. Fear is a negative emotion that could affect your boyfriend.
You see, people fear losing the person they love because of various reasons such as trauma from childhood, when one or both of their parents left them.
Maybe that’s not your boyfriend’s case. Maybe he’s afraid of losing you because he feels insecure. Codependency could be another reason.
Whatever the case, his fear could determine him to act in certain ways with you, which could be easily mistaken for simple signs of love.
But I’m afraid they’re not. Your partner’s behavior with you could be based on his fear.
Let’s take a look at the signs together!
14 Signs He’s Afraid of Losing You:
1. He constantly tells you how much you mean to him
Not a day can go by without him telling you how much you mean to him. He wants you to know how important you are in his life and how lucky he is to have you.
Also, he wants to make sure you don’t forget about the intensity of his feelings for you. Especially if you are going through a stressful day or he is, you might notice his need to talk about your role in his life.
What’s the meaning of that?
It’s simple. He’s hanging on to your connection and wants to bring it in the foreground, always.
Your boyfriend might go as far as saying you mean the world to him. And that’s beautiful! If you are in a relationship with a man who loves you wholeheartedly, that’s great!
There’s nothing wrong in confessing feelings of love. However, it’s a bit odd when someone feels the need to express those feelings all the time.
2. He seeks validation and reassurance from you
Apart from expressing his affection and love for you, you might notice that your boyfriend also wants to make sure you feel the same for him.
Unless you tell him that you reciprocate his feelings or come up with love declarations on your own, he might specifically ask you to do so.
In addition, if he’s insecure about your feelings for him or the strength of your relationship, he could show that to you by…
… seeking validation from you on a daily basis
… seeking reassurance from you and words of comfort
Why do you think he does that? I’ll tell you why: Your partner wants to be certain he won’t lose you, so he checks in with you to make sure things are still the same.
He also wants to make sure that you agree with him and that he doesn’t do anything that could push you away.
3. He cares about your needs and avoids conflict
How can you tell the difference between a loving partner who genuinely cares about your needs and one who is afraid of losing you?
I can think of a few examples:
- His behavior has changed since you’re together. Until not long ago, he was not as considerate to you as he is now. As things progress between you two, he thinks he should be more invested, or else you’ll leave him.
- He learned what upsets you and since then, he tries to avoid that situation or that topic by all means. He does this because he doesn’t want to push you away; he doesn’t want to lose the closeness you two share.
- He shows willingness to compromise in certain situations although he’s not happy about them – this is a typical behavior for someone with a fear of loss. They stay in relationships even if they have to compromise a lot to their detriment.
4. He expresses jealousy and sometimes acts possessive
Is your partner scared you might leave him? He is, especially if he gets jealous all time, and has possessive tendencies.
Let me explain: Jealous behavior is normal in every relationship… up to a point. If he gets past that point, his reasons could be:
- He is an insecure man who doesn’t think highly of himself
- His ex-girlfriend(s) cheated on him and he is traumatized
- He knows you cheated on one of your ex-boyfriends and he fears you’ll do the same to him
So, if he reacts in an exaggerated way when you go out with your friends or talk to other guys, and on top of that, he watches your every move, you know why:
The possibility of living life without you in it scares him.
Examples of possessiveness are: He tries to control you and wants to know about your every move. Also, he doesn’t want you to spend time alone with other people or do activities with them.
5. His hero instincts get triggered when he’s around you
When a man’s hero instincts are triggered, you’ll know. How so?
He’ll do the following:
- He’ll act as if he only has eyes for you
- He’ll act very protective of you
- He’ll offer his help with anything, anytime
- He’ll stand up for you even if you’re not right
- He’ll become a family guy if he wasn’t already
So, give this some thought… Do you think he wants to be the hero in your life?
If he does, then that’s the only proof you need that his feelings for you run deep. However, they might also be fuelled by fear.
On top of the above, your partner could also try to have a meaningful role in your life or be your go-to person in a certain area, making himself indispensable. The thought of being replaced scares him.
6. He wants everyone to know you’re “his” girl
What’s wrong with wanting to tell the world that he’s in a relationship with you?
At first look, there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s actually a good thing if your partner is proud of having you as his girlfriend and wants to show you off.
The problem only appears when his reason for doing so is to make sure that other men know you’re taken.
If he’s motivated by his desire to prevent others from approaching you, that’s a bad sign. Why?
This actually means he doesn’t trust you fully, either. Or, maybe he does but he can’t stand the idea that other guys might hit on you.
Either way, there’s something that needs to be addressed in your relationship. If his actions make you look like someone he “owns,” that’s not good.
7. He makes real efforts to make you happy
This sign can also be easily mistaken for a sign of profound love. However, if you pair it with other signs mentioned in this article, you can’t go wrong.
Your boyfriend makes efforts to bring happiness in your life and that’s sweet. But does he go out of his way to make that happen?
If his attempts to achieve that cost him sleepless nights or assumes serious financial sacrifices, then you bet he does.
While it’s flattering when someone does something nice for us, if we love them, we shouldn’t let them do things that have an impact on their physical or other type of well-being.
So, it might be time to ask yourself the following questions:
- Am I a demanding girlfriend?
- Do I have impossible requests?
- Do I need attention all the time?
- Do I easily get upset if I don’t get what I want?
8. He often surprises you with practical and thoughtful gifts
Yes, it’s true that your partner’s love language could be gift-giving. Or, maybe that’s yours and he is aware of that.
But there’s something else that might be going on: He often surprises you with many kinds of gifts because he wants to maintain your attention.
He only wants you to think of him and if that means he’ll surround you with things he buys for you, then so be it!
Gift-giving is also proof that he appreciates you and that he wants you to have nice things and be happy.
The same could be true if he’s trying to compensate for something by surprising you with presents. For example, maybe he feels guilty that he doesn’t spend enough time with you.
Or, maybe he thinks he’s not doing a great job in the bedroom and he’s trying to make you feel good in other ways.
9. He makes time for you even when he’s really busy
No matter how much this guy loves you, he needs time for himself, work, family, friends, and who knows what else.
But, if he always manages to squeeze you into his very busy schedule, his actions suggest he’s scared of losing you.
Let’s face it: He can’t really enjoy his time with you if he’s tired or has many things on his mind.
So, why does he do it? It’s possible you made him think that if he doesn’t want to meet up often, you won’t be interested in pursuing anything serious with him.
Or, maybe this one is on him. Perhaps he thinks it’s very important to spend time with you to keep the spark alive. You know how the saying goes, “Out of sight, out of mind.”
Another possibility? One or all of his other relationships ended because he wasn’t available enough to meet in person and spend quality time together.
10. He introduces you to his inner circle and expects the same
To consolidate a romantic relationship, you shouldn’t overlook the importance of meeting your partner’s friends and family.
If your boyfriend already expressed his desire to introduce you to his inner circle or he has already done that, it means he knows how beneficial that can be for the two of you.
What’s more, if he also told you that he wants to get to know your friends and family members, or he already does that, then things are clear.
He wants to show you that he’s serious about you. Also, he wants to get as involved with you as possible.
As a relationship progresses, it’s natural to want to meet the other people in your partner’s life. But, beware: this can also be used as a means to gain more control over you.
If he knows your friends, he can easily ask them things about you, including your whereabouts when the situation requires it.
11. He dreams of a future with you by his side
I’ll let you in on a secret: You can make someone yours easier if you paint them a pretty picture of your future together.
If you succeed at making someone believe that an amazing future is ahead of you, the probability of them dumping you lowers significantly.
Is this something he’s doing? Does he talk about a future with you by his side all the time?
If he does, then he must genuinely like the idea! At the same time, maybe he knows that making plans for the future has a positive impact on a romantic relationship and he’s using that to his advantage.
But why? His actions could be determined by his fear of losing you. If he excessively talks about the future, it means he has reasons to be scared that you will leave him.
Again, his reasons could have nothing to do with you, or they could have everything to do with you. Reflect on your behavior to find out the answer.
12. He talks to you about his fears and vulnerabilities
When a man tries to build an even deeper emotional connection with his girlfriend, he could do it out of pure love or thinking it could somehow benefit him.
In your situation, getting closer to you emotionally would definitely benefit your boyfriend. The closer you two are, the safer he’ll feel in your relationship.
However, don’t expect him to confess his fear of losing you. That would make him too vulnerable.
Depending on what type of person he is, he could talk to you about some of the mistakes he did in the past. Or tell you about a traumatic experience he had as a kid.
You’ll definitely identify the moments when he opens up to you and shares these details with you.
Watch out for creative guys: Some guys will tell you made-up stories just to make you think something traumatic has happened to them and gain your sympathy.
13. He needs consistent physical and emotional closeness
If you ask me, a man who consistently wants to be physically and emotionally close to me is dreamy! But people are different and some of us need more space and alone time than others.
What do you think?
A: Your boyfriend genuinely wants to maintain a strong connection between the two of you at all times.
B: He fears losing you and that’s why he does it – he thinks that ensures the continuity of your relationship.
Think back at how things developed since you met. Were there times when you told him you feel disconnected from him emotionally? Or that not being close to him physically makes your feelings less intense?
If so, it means he got the message about what you need from him and he’s trying to give you just that.
If not, it could be a personal belief of his that maintaining strong physical and emotional bonds can prevent a relationship from falling apart.
14. He basically treats you like royalty
How does he treat you? Does he make you feel like royalty? Are you his princess or his queen?
Yes: He’s deeply in love with you and is dedicated body and soul to making you happy. He truly wants you to feel like a princess or a queen because he thinks you deserve it.
In truth, that’s how he sees you: as royalty. You are the most important person in his life and he constantly looks for ways to prove that to you.
Your boyfriend wants you to feel adored and have everything you could possibly want. What he’s experiencing is selfless love.
Or… his behavior could have another meaning. He’s love-bombing you because that’s how he thinks he’ll earn your love and affection and keep it for good.
A man who does that is probably insecure. He puts you on a pedestal and does his best to meet your every need.
Navigating Forward (Summary)
There’s beauty in a man’s fear of losing the woman he loves. It makes him behave in more thoughtful ways and express his adoration for her more often.
At the same time, it determines him to constantly look for ways to connect with her more deeply in physical and emotional ways.
However, his fear may push him to act in possessive and controlling ways, as well as make efforts that are to his detriment.
If you find that your boyfriend is scared of losing you, you have two options:
Option 1: Say nothing and enjoy being treated like royalty.
Option 2: Reassure him. Tell him that you’re not planning on leaving him. Tell him what you appreciate about him. Give him the relationship security he’s looking for.