How to Ask a Guy Out Without Sounding Desperate?

A guy sparked your interest and since you’re not living in an ideal world, he can’t read your mind.

So, what do you do?

To ask a guy out as a girl sounds like a desperate move but believe me that’s not the case. In fact, guys love it. Success of Bumble dating app speaks for itself.

However, if you also want him to say “yes”, then simply popping the question might not do the trick. 

Instead, prepping your ground and learning how to approach him effectively will take you closer to achieving your goal.

To do that, stop frowning and follow the next 15 steps!

How to Ask a Guy Out In Person (Directly & Indirectly):

First Stage: Get Him to Notice You

The element of surprise might work in your favor. Guys don’t typically expect girls to ask them out, so if you take him by surprise, he might give you a positive answer. 

However, it’s also possible for that approach to fail. That’s why it’s important to get him to notice you first. 

In this way, he’ll decide whether he wants to go on a date with you based on multiple factors, not only on his first impression of you or the way you ask him out. 

But, how would you go about doing that? Follow the next 4 steps!

1. Show him you’re interested

Before you take the big step and ask this guy out, it’s best to show him you’re interested in him. Dropping a few hints or behaving in certain ways will help you along the way. 

For example, if you don’t personally know him, then try to make eye contact with him. And when you two lock eyes, don’t look away immediately. Keep looking into his for a few seconds.

This is a scientifically-proven way to enhance feelings of romantic love between two people. And the best part?

You can benefit from the effects of mutual gaze even if you know the guy for a long time. It works in both cases.

Other ways to show a guy you like him are :

  • Smile at him when you see him;
  • Bite your lip when he looks at you;
  • Mirror his behavior when he notices.

2. Give him a compliment or two

Another great way to show your interest in a man is by complimenting him. If you don’t know him well, then your compliments should be about his appearance. 

For example, you could say something nice about what he did with his hair or something related to the clothes he’s wearing. 

If you do know him well, then you can pay him compliments about a personality trait, his intelligence, and so on.

But what if you don’t know him at all? If you’re a bold girl, you can simply say something like “Hey, nice shoes!” when you walk past him. 

In case you’re shy, don’t fret! There are other solutions. You could compliment him online or via text. First, you’ll have to get his contact info. But, more about that later.

3. Flirt with him a little

Flirting is another sure way to show a man you’re interested in him. If you do it right, he might get the message and ask you out first. 

The secret here is to be tasteful about it. Don’t try to dress too provocatively or catch his attention with dirty jokes. 

While those are good approaches, you don’t want him to focus on the sexual side of you, but on all of you. 

That’s why you can rely on basic body language based flirting techniques such as making prolonged eye contact, smiling at him when your eyes lock, standing/sitting facing him, playing with your hair, and so on.

If you already know the guy, then you can also try to get closer to him and touch him lightly when you two are talking. This will give him the right idea.

4. Ask for his phone number

Now that he knows you exist and you’ve been smiling at each other for a while, the best thing you can do is to ask for his phone number or contact info. 

This will give him another reason to believe that you’re interested in him. Don’t know how? Here are a few examples:

If you know this guy from a class, then you could go to him and ask him for his phone number or other contact info to talk about something related to the class. 

If he’s is a mutual friend, then you could tell him that you’re interested in his field of work and you’d like to talk more. 

The main idea is this: find an excuse to ask for his contact info. While you do it, make sure to smile, be friendly, and make a lot of eye contact. 

Second Stage: Decide How You Wanna Ask This Guy Out

Now that you’re all set and he might have a good idea that you like him, it’s time to move on to the second stage: To ask him out!

Depending on how shy or bold you are, you should choose the right approach. You can either ask him out directly or use other indirect ways, as follows:

5. Ask him out directly

Express your desire to go on a date with him by asking him out directly. As I mentioned before, most guys would be taken by surprise if a woman asked them out. 

While there’s nothing wrong with that, not many women do it. And that’s why it might work. On top of that, if you clearly express your intention to go on a date with him, he will probably say “yes.”

Most men like it when women don’t use subtleties. However, there are also men who prefer to be eased into it.

Let me give you some examples:

  • You’re such a funny guy. Want to make me laugh some more over drinks?
  • I’ve seen/heard you’re a wall-climbing fan. Want to do that together sometime?
  • You look like a guy who likes pizza. Let’s grab a bite together sometime.
  • Your best friend told me you like horror movies. There’s a horror movie marathon at the cinema I am going to attend. Want to join me?
  • You’re a great conversationalist. Let’s talk some more over dinner sometime.

6. Ask him out to eat out together

Everybody eats, right? That’s right! And because of that, this trick might work in your favor. 

In case you get to hang out with him or you’re in a social setting that allows you to talk to him privately, say something about food!

Here are a few examples:

  • Did you eat something today? I passed by a new restaurant on my way here and I was thinking of trying it.
  • Do you smell pizza or am I the only one who is hungry?
  • Oh, no! My friend just canceled our dinner plans and I was really looking forward to eating Sushi!

If he gets the hint and he also wants to go out with you, he’ll take the chance and ask you.

7. Offer him the “extra ticket” you bought

How else do you ask a guy out indirectly? By creating opportunities, of course!

One other effective method used by women is often referred to as the “extra ticket” trick.

How does it work?

It basically entails buying two tickets for a movie, concert, or event, and offering one ticket to him.

However, there’s a catch!

He can’t know you bought the ticket for him. Instead, you should make him think that someone let you down or stood you up and you have no one else to go with. 

This will make you look helpless and he might like that. But, to make sure he will ask if he can join you, pick something he also likes. 

To find out what he likes, try spending time with him, ask his friends, or browse through his social media profiles. 

8. Ask him if he has plans for the weekend

If you don’t want to try the “spare ticket” trick, there’s something else you could try: simply ask him if he has plans for the weekend. 

Before you do that though, make sure you have a fun date idea for the weekend. Otherwise, if he says he’s free, you won’t know what to say. 

You have to be careful here because if you’re too vague, he’ll think you’re just being polite. And you don’t want that. 

If you really want to go out with him, you need a plan. Surely, there are things you want to do with him. So, think about a few options before you ask him about his plans.

9. Find something you both like and do it together

To this guy out indirectly, you also have to spend some time with him to get to know him.

Your aim here is to find out common interests that make you both feel excited. 

For example, maybe he likes to play a musical instrument and you’re also good at that or at another one. In this case, you could get together to practice your music.

Or, maybe he’s into hiking and none of his friends have time to go with him. That’s where you come in and tell him you’re also into hiking and could go with him.

10. Ask a friend to be your wingman or wing woman

Do you like him so much that you can’t make the first move? Ask a friend to help you!

Whether you’ve officially met or not, it doesn’t matter. A friend can help you in numerous ways by being your wingman or wing woman. 

They could approach him and try to find out what he thinks about you and whether he’d be interested in going out with you. 

Or, they could introduce you to him. Depending on your situation, you’ll definitely find someone to help you break the ice with this guy!

You can ask your friend to set up a group date. A group date will be less nerve wrecking as well less awkward.

11. Invite him to a group get-together with your friends

The next safe and indirect way to ask a guy out is to invite him to a group hangout with mutual friends.

If you’re casually talking to him, you can mention something fun that you and your friends are doing. 

In case he seems interested, you should ask him to join you. If he accepts, you’re ready for the next move. But if he doesn’t, don’t stop trying. Only stop trying if he says “no” to you multiple times. 

What’s the next move?

Ask your friends to make cute remarks about the two of you.

They could say things like:

  • You two have so much in common!
  • Don’t they look adorable together?
  • OMG, you have the same sense of humor!

12. Use tricks to make him ask you out instead

The list of tricks doesn’t end here, so let me give you more ideas:

  • Ask him to help you with something he’s good at.
  • Complain about not having a dance partner for an event.
  • Save him from an uncomfortable situation if you can.
  • Tell him he’s the only one you know who also likes swimming/board games/pool etc.

Spark an interest in him with something you already know he likes or try to trigger his inner hero. Both ways work.

How to Ask a Guy Out Over Text

13. Text him open-ended questions

Guys love to talk about themselves, so asking him open-ended questions via text is a good place to start. At the same time, you could learn more things about him.

Here are a few examples of questions you can ask over text:

  • What do you like to do when it rains outside/when it’s sunny outside? 
  • How do you like to celebrate your accomplishments?
  • Tell me about your ideal first date night. 
  • What is your favorite food?
  • What is your favorite drink?

Regardless of his answers, you can reply by telling him that you also like all those things and ask him to do them together.

14. Pay him compliments

To ask a guy out over text, ease him into it with a few compliments, such as:

  • You are such as sweet guy. I can’t help but wonder if… if you’d like to go out sometime.
  • I am impressed by how many things you know about Italian food. What is your favorite Italian restaurant and when are we going?
  • I love your dark humor. Are you also into dark comedies? Let’s go watch one together sometime.
  • Wow, you seem really good at beach volleyball. I dare you to a match sometime!
  • I like your clothing style. Maybe we can go spend time together sometime while shopping!

You could also try a pick up line if you want take it one step closer 😏.

15. Ask him to hang out with you

When you are in the safety of your own room and the guy you like can’t see you, you might find it easier to ask this guy out directly for a casual date via text without talking for a long while or complimenting him. 

Not everyone is good with words and that’s ok.

You can try these cute and straightforward ways to ask him to hand out with you:

  • I have my eyes on a new restaurant. Would you like to try it with me?
  • Are you interested in seeing the new Marvel movie with me?
  • Do you want to hang out sometime and talk about… (whatever you have in common)?
  • I want to know you better. Want to grab a drink?
  • As for now, I am interested in… (whatever you’re talking about). Would you like to meet up and show me more?


As you can see, there are many ways to ask a guy out. Even so, you might be afraid that he’ll reject you. 

Playing all your cards right doesn’t guarantee your success. If you succeed, then good for you! However, if he rejects you, don’t be too harsh on yourself!

He could have countless reasons for turning you down other than not liking you. 

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Daniela Duca Damian
About Daniela Duca Damian

A journalist by profession, Daniela has been sharing her knowledge and personal experience in the psychology of love and relationships for the past 5 years. Her work is based on facts, practical advice and is meant to help everyone achieve their romantic goals. When she isn’t writing, she challenges her friends with meaningful questions about life.

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