How to Get a Girlfriend? (Step by Step Guide By A Woman)

If you want to get a girlfriend and you’re reading this, you’re already one step closer to achieving your goal. 

I crafted a straightforward step-by-step guide that will fit you like a glove. You’ll get positive results if you follow it – regardless of how experienced you are with women.

Besides, you have an advantage right from the start. How so?

Most girls are interested in getting a boyfriend rather than meaninglessly hooking up. Simply put, your chances to succeed are higher than you think.

However, you’ll still have to put in some effort and accept that you can’t get a girlfriend overnight.

Are you ready? Here’s what you need to do:

Part A: Meeting Women

1. Build a network of female friends

You can’t go about asking girls you don’t know if they want to date you. If it were that simple, you wouldn’t need this guide.

That’s not how things work. Even if you get a positive response using that strategy, the girl won’t take you seriously. 

But you want to be taken seriously, right? If so, befriending women is one of the best things you can do.

For starters, hanging out with women will improve how you talk to them and approach them. You’ll familiarize yourself with their style and learn about some of their boundaries in general.

All of these will help you interact with possible girlfriends more easily and more appropriately than otherwise.

On top of that, it’s more likely to meet single women and get properly introduced if you build a network of female friends. 

Your next girlfriend could be one of their friends!

2. Give various dating apps a try

Another great approach to meeting women is trying dating apps.

The idea of hiding behind a phone’s screen might sound more appealing to those of you who are introverts. 

In this way, you can take your sweet time to reply and control your emotions more easily compared to face-to-face interactions. 

This latest 2023 study by Emily A. Vogels and Colleen Mcclain, 29% of online dating users meet their partners right away, without spending much time on the apps. Furthermore, 40% of Americans who met their current partner via a dating app indicate that they met on Tinder.

However, using apps such as eharmony, Match, or okCupid, comes with downsides…

  • … women might overlook your profile.
  • … you might have to wait a long time for a reply.
  • … there’s pressure to make a good impression with the first words.
  • … you might get rejected based on superficial reasons.

As long as you’re aware of that, getting on dating apps is definitely worth a try!

If you really want a GF, not a sex partner, then stay away from apps like AdultFriendFinder or Tinder.

3. Attend events or participate in meetups

Attending events or meetups solo takes a lot of courage. But so does getting a girlfriend.

So, to increase your odds of meeting potential GFs, pick events that interest you and participate.

Or, click install on the Meetup app, which is one of the best for finding group events. It allows you to easily find meetups nearby.

What’s more, you can start your own group meetup based on many different categories of interests.

At first, you can ask a friend to go with you. Take your wingman and mingle!

4. Join a class, club, or team

Learning a new skill is always a good investment in your personal development. Moreover, it gives you the opportunity to meet women.

If you take an art class, cooking class, dance class, or any other class that interests you and it’s not exclusive to men, you might find your future GF there.

The same goes for various clubs or teams. If you’re still in school, it’s easy for you – join classes and teams that appeal to you. Cute girls will be there for sure.

Let’s recap:

There are lots of places where you can meet women and expand your social circle. Your best guess is to make female friends and get introduced to their single BFFs.

Befriending women has many benefits, such as getting better at socializing with them, understanding them better, and getting access to their female friends.

You can look for your next girlfriend at events and meetups that genuinely interest you. In this way, you’ll have something in common from the beginning.

The same goes for taking classes or trying that chess club at school that sparked your interest.

Overall, the process of meeting women and building friendships takes time. Make the best of it by building social experience and letting things develop naturally.

Part B: Working on Yourself

5. Find ways to increase self-confidence

I am sure you know that the majority of women appreciate confidence in a man. A 2007 study by Richard A. Lippa found that women rated a man’s confidence as one of the important characteristics in a potential mate.

So, the next step for you is to become as confident as possible.

Here’s how:

  • Stop comparing yourself with others – It’s a bad habit that distorts your reality by embracing other people’s standards, not your own.
  • Practice positive self-talk – Tell yourself that you’re going to make it, that you’re charming, that what you have to say is interesting, etc.
  • Face your fears – Get out of your comfort zone and face your fears for a better you.
  • Take care of yourself – Eat well, exercise, sleep, and take care of your body.
  • Make a list of your qualities – Don’t sell yourself short. Write down your qualities.
  • Display confident body language – Stand up straight with your shoulders back, look people in the eye, and expand yourself in the physical space to appear more dominant.

6. Pick up a hobby or focus on the ones you have

Having a hobby is healthy and it makes you more interesting to other people. 

One of the things that made me fall in love with my boyfriend was his passion for board games. 

I absolutely love playing board games and when I met him, I was surprised to find out that he has an impressive collection of board games, but not so many friends to play with.

As you may have guessed, I included him in my circle of friends and invited him to join game nights. That’s how we ended up spending time together, getting to know each other, and becoming girlfriend and boyfriend.

If you have a hobby involving other people, it allows you to meet potential girlfriends. If you don’t, you still have something interesting to say about yourself.

7. Improve your communication skills

Communication is an essential part of every relationship. 

This interesting study published in journal of social and personal relationships found that  women appreciate men with good communication skills (Compared to men), especially those related to emotional understanding.

Asking questions and listening attentively not only make you more attractive to women, but they also make you a great conversationalist.

What can you do to get better at communication?

  • Adjust your speech according to the audience. For example, don’t call your female friends the same as you call your male friends.
  • Keep your message simple and concise. Don’t use unnecessary words that could bore other people.
  • Make eye contact when you talk to people. It’s important when trying to establish a connection.
  • Ask for clarifications if you’re not sure you understood the message. It’s better than correcting misunderstandings.
  • Go the extra mile by practicing active listening and asking thoughtful questions.

8. Take care of your appearance

For the next step, make sure not to neglect your appearance!

As a woman, I can tell you for sure that women like well-groomed guys. We are especially attracted to guys who put the smallest effort into their appearance and those who smell nice.

To make a good impression on a girl, make sure to regularly brush your teeth, take showers, wear clean clothes, and deodorant, and brush your hair.

A neat appearance is all you need.

Of course, you can highlight your personal style by wearing unique items like jewelry, hats, or cool shoes. You create your own style.

Also, you can improve your appearance by eating healthy and exercising more.

9. Drop any unrealistic expectations

Contrary to what the Hollywood movie producers want you to believe, love at first sight is rare and it might not even lead to a romantic relationship.

That’s why it’s best to keep your expectations in check. Just because you are set on getting a girlfriend now, it doesn’t mean it will happen right away.

Finding the right partner can be a lengthy process and she might not check all your boxes. 

That’s why it’s important to focus on finding someone you have things in common with, someone with whom you’ll share an emotional connection.

Keep an open mind and let things develop naturally.

Let’s recap:

There are numerous things you can improve about yourself in order to get a girlfriend. You can work on your communication skills, your confidence level, and your appearance.

However, I urge you to stay true to your values and interests while doing so. Don’t turn into a person you’re not, thinking that will get you a girlfriend.

Things to avoid: changing to fit an idealized image of a partner, having rigid expectations, thinking your worth depends on having a partner.

Part C: Approaching the Girl

10. Build rapport with her

Building rapport establishes trust and strengthens your social connections. When you build rapport with someone, it means you have a friendly and balanced relationship with them.

Your relationship is characterized by empathy, good communication, and understanding.

How to build rapport with a woman?

  • Make a good first impression – Smile, make eye contact, smooth your clothes and hair.
  • Practice active listening with her – Listen attentively and ask for more details.
  • Ask her lots of questions – Express your interest by asking her open-ended questions.
  • Display an open and confident body language – Sit/stand straight and don’t cross your arms.
  • Find things you have in common – Try to find common interests and topics to talk about.
  • Adopt a respectful and emphatic attitude – Put yourself in her shoes to understand her better and be respectful.

11. Identify common interests and topics

An important part of building rapport with a woman is finding common ground with her. 

You can do that in person by asking her about her likes and dislikes, or you can do a little stalking online and learn more about her taste in music, movies, food, and everything else she shares on social media.

When looking for a girlfriend, you’re also looking for compatibility. So, the more things you have in common, the better!

This aspect will not only give you many things to talk about but also things to do. 

For example, if you like jogging and you find out that she likes it, too, then you can share tips and go jogging together. 

Or, if you learn you’re both vegans, you can team up against meat lovers and start your romance from there.

You get the point.

12. Lock eyes with her and smile at her

So, Use your body language in your favor when you approach a woman. 

No matter how shy you are, try to make eye contact with her and hold it for a few seconds. The message you want to send is that your gaze didn’t meet hers accidentally.

Making prolonged eye contact is an effective flirting method. Don’t overdo it, though! Look, but don’t stare.

Pair your sexy look with a smile and you’re good to go! Or a smirk, if you want to look cool.

This 2003 study found that seeing a smiling face can activate the region in the brain associated with processing sensory rewards. This means that when someone sees a smile or when you smile at them, they feel special and like they’re doing something right. This effect can be particularly impactful during an awkward first date.

Also, don’t forget about your posture! Make sure it’s expansive and open.

13. Focus on her and maintain a respectful attitude

Most women like it when a man gives them attention and is courteous.

On top of that, I can confirm that getting a guy’s undivided attention is kind of flattering. It makes us women feel good about ourselves.

Especially if the man has a respectful attitude and he’s not obviously trying to get into our pants, he sparks our interest.

In fact, this relatively new study by Pelin Gul and Tom R. Kupfer found that women prefer men who exhibit benevolent sexism, which includes being respectful and protective of women.

So, when you compliment her , go easy on her! Make sincere remarks about what you like about her. Don’t focus on her appearance only.

Also, let her speak if she wants to – don’t interrupt her and avoid talking over her. And if you say things about yourself as well, try not to brag or paint a fake picture about yourself.

14. Ask her open-ended questions

After you make a good first impression, it’s essential to keep the conversation going with her. 

How? By asking her open-ended questions. 

Don’t ask her: Do you like coffee or tea?

Ask her: What’s your favorite drink? What do you like to drink in the morning?

Don’t ask her: Do you like movies?

Ask her: What kind of movies do you like?

These types of questions allow her to talk freely about a certain topic, rather than choose between two options.

Also, remember to follow up on what she says. Let’s take “the movies” example. If she says she likes SF and romantic movies, ask her about the last one she saw.

Whatever you do, don’t let the conversation die, and stay engaged.

Let’s recap:

When you approach a girl, you can’t go wrong if you greet her with a smile and by making profound eye contact.

As you build rapport with her, you should focus on learning more about her and finding things you have in common. 

How? By asking open-ended questions, being respectful, and giving her your undivided attention.

While doing so, try to be as authentic as possible. Give her the opportunity to see you for you, without trying to perform for her.

Your aim is to make her feel comfortable with you and to build an emotional connection with her.

Part D: Asking Her Out

15. Gauge her interest in you

The next logical step would be to ask the girl out. But first, I advise you to gauge her interest in you.

Does she like you enough to go on a date with you? She does, if she…

  • … doesn’t look away when your eyes meet
  • … she smiles when she sees you
  • … she pays attention to what you say
  • … she laughs at your jokes
  • … she asks questions about yourself
  • … she initiates conversations with you
  • … she teases you or playfully pushes you
  • … she blushes or gets rosy cheeks in your presence

These are a few of the early signs a girl likes you. If you notice them, you have the green light to ask her out.

If you don’t see the signs, don’t give up. Continue to express your interest in her as a person whenever the opportunity arises.

16. Ask for her number and a date

If you know the girl from a class or a meetup, you might not have her number or any other contact information.

At this stage, you can confidently ask her if she’d like to exchange private messages sometime.

Or, you can jump straight to asking her out. If she’s giving you good vibes, it means she’s ready for more.

So, before you ask her, think of more than one date option and be flexible with the time.

In this regard, you can use the information you know about her. 

If she says she likes to feed the ducks, suggest going on a walk in a park with a lake and ducks.

If she says she likes indie concerts, look one up and invite her to one.

If she says she likes Italian food, find the best Italian food place and take her there.

You have better chances if you personalize your date idea. This will show her you’ve been listening to her.

17. Ask her to be your girlfriend

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should ask her to be your GF after the first date. Not at all!

To be honest, the dating stage may last some time as well and it’s important to have patience.

During this stage, try to get to know each other and experience various things together. You can choose activities based on things you both like doing.

If you click and get along great, you can pop the question. 

You can say something like… “I enjoy our dates a lot and I’d be happy if you’d be my girlfriend” or “I like you more and more every day. Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

Keep things simple and ask with confidence! 

18. Be prepared in case of rejection

The truth is that you might not succeed at getting a girlfriend on the first try and that’s okay!

You’ll definitely feel disappointed because you like that woman and you probably invested some time to get to know her.

Try not to take it personally and don’t let it make you bitter. Also, do your best and avoid anger. Don’t be that man who lets a simple rejection linger for years.

According to Stanford research, some people take rejection too seriously and end up believing there’s something wrong with them. 

But it’s not – they were simply not compatible with the woman who rejected them or there was no chemistry.

What can you do if she rejects you?

  • Stay positive – One girl’s rejection shouldn’t make you think you’re undesirable or unattractive.
  • Learn from her feedback – Ask her why she doesn’t want to go out with you and learn from what she says.
  • Don’t give up – Keep searching for a girlfriend. The right girl for you is out there.

19. Give someone else a chance 

If she’s not the one, try to get her out of your system. Accept the facts and move on by focusing on further improving yourself.

When you feel ready, you can approach other women that you meet in the meantime. 

And please, don’t forget to have fun in the process. Getting a girlfriend is supposed to be a fun and exciting experience, a rollercoaster of emotions and challenges.

Let’s recap:

Before you ask a woman to be your girlfriend, make sure you read her signals right. In this way, you can protect yourself from rejection.

If you do get rejected, know that it’s not the end of the world. Yes, it might sting a little, but it shouldn’t lower your self-esteem.

Accept that you won’t be compatible with every woman you meet and learn from all your interactions with women.

The right girl is waiting for you out there, but you won’t find her unless you keep looking. So, remain socially active and mingle until you find her!

Daniela Duca Damian
About Daniela Duca Damian

A journalist by profession, Daniela has been sharing her knowledge and personal experience in the psychology of love and relationships for the past 5 years. Her work is based on facts, practical advice and is meant to help everyone achieve their romantic goals. When she isn’t writing, she challenges her friends with meaningful questions about life.

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