70+ Questions to Ask Your Ex For Closure

Sitting face-to-face with an ex can be like approaching an active minefield.

One wrong question or biting response, and the whole reconciliation blows up, leaving both parties bitter, confused, and back at square one.

Yet you may feel that you still have unfinished business, whether it’s getting honesty about why things ended, finding closure for betrayal or disappointment, or understanding their own faults to do better in the future relationship.

So how do you cross this relational no-man’s land safely to get those answers you need?

Carefully, consciously, calmly are key. Like dismantling a bomb, defuse your emotions first so they don’t detonate and destroy fragile progress. Hence, prepare a list of questions ahead time that aim for insight rather than accusations.

Questions to Ask Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend:

Good Questions to Ask Your Ex:

  1. Do you think we were ultimately incompatible or we just had bad timing?
  2. What first attracted you to me when we met?
  3. What’s your biggest regret from our relationship?
  4. Did you ever think we’d end up getting back together?
  5. Are you dating anyone new now?
  6. What’s one positive memory you have of us together?
  7. Did your friends and family like me?
  8. Did you ever doubt things would work out long-term for us?
  9. What was our biggest issue as a couple, in your opinion?
  10. Do you think we stopped appreciating each other at some point?
  11. Did you struggle to confide in me towards the end? Why?
  12. If you could redo our breakup conversation, would you handle it differently?
  13. Have you told your new partner(s) about me? If so, what do you tell them?
  14. Was breaking up worth it to you?
  15. Are you open to just being friends someday?
  16. Do you miss me sometimes or think about me ever?
  17. What could I have done better as a partner?
  18. Do you have any anger left towards me?
  19. What did you find most frustrating about dating me?
  20. What’s one thing you never admitted to me while we were together that you want me to know now?

Questions to Ask For Ex For Closure:

  1. Why wasn’t I right for you?
  2. What did I do that hurt you the most in our relationship?
  3. What’s the real reason why you broke up with me?
  4. Is there anything left unsaid between us that needs closure?
  5. Do you feel you treated me well?
  6. Are there any lingering doubts in your mind about ending things?
  7. What could we have done differently to save our relationship?
  8. How have you felt since we broke up? Relieved? Sad? Angry?
  9. Is there any part of you that wonders if we gave up too fast?
  10. What specifically changed for you that made you fall out of love?
  11. Did you accomplish everything you wanted in our relationship before ending it?
  12. Could we have found a compromise that would have kept us together?
  13. Is this really goodbye for good between us?
  14. Are you open to communicating if memories resurface so we can get closure?
  15. Are there ways I could have been more understanding of your needs?
  16. How long was ending it on your mind before you went through with it?
  17. Have you been totally honest with me about your reasons?
  18. What could I have done to be a better partner?
  19. What did I deserve that I didn’t get from you in our relationship?
  20. Where do we go from here to truly gain closure?

Deep Questions to Ask Your Ex:

  1. Who hurt who more: you or me?
  2. What was the most traumatic experience from our breakup for you?
  3. What was the moment you knew we wouldn’t last?
  4. Were you already checked out emotionally when we said goodbye?
  5. What sorts of things do you think we triggered in each other?
  6. How much time did you take to mourn and heal from our relationship ending before moving on?
  7. Do you think people can genuinely be friends after intimacy, why or why not?
  8. Have you learned anything about what you want or need from my mistakes?
  9. How do you honestly think failed relationships impact personal growth?
  10. Why do you think you develop certain attachment styles and self-sabotaging patterns in relationships?
  11. Were there ways I suffocated you emotionally or took too much energy?
  12. How has this breakup impacted your mental health?
  13. What can you admit was a flaw or mistake you made now?
  14. How have you grown since our dynamic ended?
  15. What lasting impact do you think our time together will have?
  16. Did you truly love me or were you never as invested?
  17. Do you think exes can be soulmates, why or why not?
  18. Is there such a thing as “the One” or more compatible people for certain chapters?
  19. Did you believe we’d last at any point? For how long?
  20. What can failing at our relationship teach you about latency and self-reflection?

Juicy Questions To Ask Your Ex:

  1. Did you ever cheat on me?
  2. Why did we break up?
  3. Are you happy?
  4. What did you dislike about me?
  5. Are you seeing anyone?
  6. Do your friends hate me?
  7. What attracted you to me?
  8. What were my best traits?
  9. What were my worst traits?
  10. Describe the night we met.
  11. Did our relationship teach you anything?
  12. Do you miss me?
  13. Do you want to stay friends?
  14. Has the breakup changed you?
  15.  What’s your favorite memory of us being together?

What to avoid when speaking to your ex?

As a relationship coach, here is my advice on what to avoid when speaking to your ex:

  1. Manage your emotions: As hurt or angry as you may feel, expressing intense emotions often backfires. Avoid lashing out, blaming, dwelling on the past, or trying to make your EX feel guilty .
  2. Don’t act desperate or beg them to take you back. If you’re trying to win back your EX then pleading or bargaining can push them further away rather than brings them closer. Give them space to process their own feelings.
  3. Don’t ask the questions you may not really want the answers to: Getting detail about their dating life, private details told to friends, or reasons they fell out of love often does more harm than good. If you can’t handle, don’t ask them.
  4. Don’t get drunk: When you’re drunk it becomes harder to control what you say and set healthy boundaries. Meet in a neutral location in the daytime instead.
  5. Know when to walk away: If they stonewall, give one word answers, or say hurtful things – disengage. You can’t force reconciliation or understanding when the other person shuts down. Protect your peace of mind first.


So, this was our complete list of questions to ask your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Remember, the most important things are giving space, controlling reactions, asking constructive questions, respecting boundaries and knowing when to step back. With maturity and introspection, exes can reconnect. But forcing things leads nowhere good. Learn when to gently let go, at least for the present moment.

Should I Get Back With My Ex


Find out your chances of getting your ex back in 2 minutes.

Ethan Archer
About Ethan Archer

Ethan is a writer and editor dedicated to exploring the dynamics of modern relationships. He also plays a pivotal role in shaping the editorial direction of RelationUp.

Recent Posts

Leave a Comment