How to Make Him Want You Back? 13 Tips

If you’re going through a breakup that feels like a huge mistake, it’s completely reasonable to wish to make your ex boyfriend want you back.

It’s hard to change what the heart wants, and if you’re sure you want your ex boyfriend back, don’t despair. 

Couples break up and reconcile all the time and go on to have stronger and happier relationships.

Most men are open to getting back together, and with the right strategy, you can make him want you back without losing your dignity. 

However, you must ensure it’s the right decision for you and that the problems that caused the breakup can be corrected.

Here are some questions to ponder to ensure reuniting with your ex is the best decision and some proven strategies on how to make him want you back.

Do You Really Want to Get Back With Him?

Taking a step back to get a balanced outlook is necessary to ensure you’re making the best decision and not acting on loneliness or impulses. 

People are hardwired to make things work during a breakup, resulting in strong urges to reconcile with your ex boyfriend and causing you to act against your best interests.

Strong connections and deep emotional attachments can make letting your ex go extremely painful, and it’s not unusual to have a deep sense of longing for your ex-partner. 

This can influence your behavior and make you act irrationally or even desperately.

According to research, oxytocin, or the love hormone released in your brain, may be why you want your ex so badly after a breakup. 

Your brain releases oxytocin to facilitate social bonding and reproduction, and it increases when you’re in love or experiencing a relationship crisis.

Women usually have higher levels of oxytocin than men, especially if they perceive a lack of investment from their partner. 

The hormone gets released every time you think about your ex, and it can instinctively motivate you to want to mend the relationship, even if it means going to absurd lengths and engaging in low-value behavior.

You must be aware of such vulnerabilities so you can think straight and determine whether reuniting with your ex is best for your life and future. 

Will things be different if you get back together? Can the issues be fixed, or is the relationship too dysfunctional? 

Be honest with yourself and put your best interests at the forefront.

Is It Possible to Make Him Want You Back?

Whether or not you can make him want you back can depend on how or why the relationship ended. 

It can be tough to get him back if you broke his heart or ended the relationship on bad terms, and you may need to apologize sincerely and be patient.

If you broke up for simple reasons like having to travel or maybe it couldn’t work out before because of unavoidable circumstances, it can be easier to get a second chance at a successful relationship. 

Honesty and communication can help you solve your problems, and if he still cares for you, chances are all you need is a simple text message or call to make him want you back.

What’s the Main Challenge in Winning Him Back?

The main challenge in winning him back can be acting desperately because of your emotional attachment. 

Losing control and acting desperate can work against you and give him more power over you. 

He’ll not worry about losing you because he knows he can get you anytime he decides to take you back and do whatever he wants without consequence.  

Avoid begging, and don’t let your emotions dictate your actions or words, no matter how much you want him back. 

It can be very unflattering and even push him away even further by acting needy.

13 Simple Tips to Make Him Want You Back:

Here are a few things you can try to make him want you back, miss you, and chase you again.

1. Accept the Breakup

Be mature about the breakup regardless of who broke up with the other. 

Avoid getting angry, crying, or making a scene, as this will likely push him away and not get you anywhere. 

Be graceful and accept his decision by giving him time to see things more clearly.

When you calmly accept the breakup, you level the playing field, and he’ll respect you more for respectfully handling yourself. 

He can appreciate your understanding and even start doubting his decision if he expected a different reaction, but you’re not more upset.

2. Cut Off Communication with Him Temporarily

Apply the no-contact rule, which involves cutting off all communication temporarily. 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and leaving your ex alone for a while after breaking up can ensure they think about what they want and how to get you back again.

People don’t always make rational decisions after a breakup, as emotions are running high, so cutting off communication ensures you don’t harass your ex with text or phone calls. 

Cutting off contact gives you both time to heal and see what life looks like without the other person.

Keeping your distance allows your ex to start missing you and increases your desirability in their eyes. 

It can work wonders as most men don’t like to be bothered constantly, and most people want what they can’t have, so they’ll think of you more if they can’t see or access you.

You can start this by blocking your ex everywhere.

3. Build Your Value by Working on Yourself

A breakup can negatively affect your self-esteem and make you doubt yourself, so take the time to focus on personal growth instead of wallowing over the breakup. 

All men want an intrinsically high-value woman, so take the opportunity to become the best version of yourself.

People are sensitive to where value is, and men tend to gravitate towards women who show up with value. 

You can make yourself a high-value woman by leading with value rather than a desire to take. 

Most social interactions are led by a desire to secure the best deal in return for investment, effort, and time so you must appreciate and perceive the value in your own life before you can offer it to others.

Working on yourself allows you to become a high-value woman to men and stand out from the crowd by developing your radiance and social and spiritual value. 

It can be as simple as exercising and eating healthy to release good mood hormones and having sufficient energy and motivation to achieve your goals instead of moping around.

To make him want you back you’ve to project the new you so they see you as an interesting person.

4. Give Yourself and Him The Time to Heal

Healing takes time, so you shouldn’t rush to get back into things. 

Breakups are painful, and you may have exchanged harsh words and hurt each other’s feelings. 

If you reconcile while the wounds are fresh, the same old issues will likely resurface and cause the relationship to fail again.

Some time apart can allow the dust to settle on the situation and let you both cool off, heal and reflect on the issues in your long term relationship. 

It provides an opportunity to learn new coping strategies so you can come back with a different perspective which can be difficult to see when you’re with him and actively fighting through the issues in your relationship.

You both need to heal from a breakup and be ready to start a new direction in the relationship to get him back and make things work. 

Each relationship ends differently, and how much time is needed will depend on the complications of your breakup. 

Generally, it should be enough time to think about the separation objectively, deactivate the toxic cycle, and allow them to realize how much they miss you so it can create a sense of rediscovery and reconnection.

5. Give Him Opportunities to “See” You and Connect with You

While some space and time after a breakup are healthy for healing, remaining too distant for too long or not providing any opportunity for reconnection can communicate that you don’t care and result in the connection gradually fizzling out. 

Social media can be an excellent tool to make him see and miss you without acting desperate or needy.

If he’s still following you on social media, he likely still cares and wants to stay updated on your life, and this can give you an easy connection to him, even if he’s blocked your phone number. 

Occasionally update your stories so he can see you’re living your life and working on yourself.

You can keep it fun and lively and even drop subtle hints that you miss him, but ensure you don’t overdo it. 

Post stories with gifts he got you before, such as earrings or a sexy dress, or visit a place you frequented together. 

The key is to make him wonder and reminisce about the good times to increase his desire without being evident so he can itch to reach out to you or comment and start a conversation.

6. Establish a Friendly Connection

Instead of rushing head-first back into the relationship, try to establish a friendly connection after some time has passed after the breakup. 

Picking up where you left off can cause history to repeat itself, so try to take things slowly. 

When the hurt and tension have calmed down, try to make a casual connection and keep it calm and friendly instead of confessing your undying love and gushing over him the first chance you get.

Try to find common ground and connect with something meaningful in his life but do it without strings attached. 

Take your time to rekindle and get to know each other again. 

Remember you’re trying to reconnect and reignite what was lost, so maintain your dignity and respect his boundaries in whatever you do or say so he can miss you and want to chase you again.

7. Pull on His Heartstrings

People spend a considerable amount of time thinking about their future, and an excellent strategy to make your ex want you back is to change how he feels when he pictures you in his life. 

He’s likely built an emotional wall after you broke up, so you must climb over it by changing his feelings instead of logically reasoning with him.

Stop trying to convince him to give things another try and instead change the emotions he associates with you so he can start thinking about a whole new relationship. 

You can do this by triggering something deep inside him through the things you say or do.

Whatever made you break up is likely still acting as a barrier even if he still has deep feelings for you, so fix those issues, and you’ll slowly but surely pull on his heartstrings and get him back without him even realizing it. 

Once he starts thinking about what your future together can be like without the past issues, the emotional walls will crumble.

8. Reach Out and Apologize to Him for Your Mistakes

Be accountable for your part in the breakup and reach out and apologize for your mistakes if you did or said something that hurt him. 

Ensure you’re sincere and empathetic to his pain, and don’t shy away from admitting your mistakes and owning up to your actions.

There’s nothing wrong with apologizing, so don’t let your ego dictate your actions, regardless of who broke up with who. 

Avoid playing the blame game, and instead, look within and be the bigger person. 

This can help inspire your ex to trust you again, and they’ll appreciate the gesture and feel warmer and more sympathetic toward you.

Owning up to your mistakes and how you contributed to the death of the relationship is the first step towards moving on from the past. 

You can even do it over social media if you’re too scared or ashamed to do it in person.

9. Build and Show Your Confidence

Men are attracted to strong, confident women, so take time to improve yourself to become the best version of yourself and build some confidence. 

Do things that make you feel good and happy. 

Start a new hobby, travel, exercise and put some work in for a hot new figure, change your hair color or get a new wardrobe.

Not only will it keep you constructively distracted from the heartache, but it will also help you feel like a brand-new person in no time and give you new motivation in life so you can look and feel confident. 

When your ex sees you’re living your life fully and can be happy on your own, he’ll reconsider the break up and want to come back to you.

It can create a fear of loss effect, which causes people to desire and value things more when they appear scarce or unattainable. 

He’ll also feel more secure with you when he sees you’re confident in yourself.

10. Spend Time with Your Friends

Spending time with your friends or family can create social proof that makes it easier to compromise when needed, so your partner can appreciate you more. 

It can communicate to your ex that you’re desired by others instead of looking hopeless or lonely. 

This can make you look more desirable and trigger feelings of jealousy and competitiveness.

11. Show Him Gratitude for the Positive Aspects of the Relationship

Men work hard to earn a woman’s respect and affection and want to feel appreciated for their efforts. 

Showing sincere appreciation can help him feel more masculine and make him want you back.

Ensure you do it subtly and not in a way that feels desperate or manipulative.

Regardless of his flaws, you can’t fail to find something good to appreciate, even if it’s the smallest of things. 

Showing gratitude can help him feel acknowledged, reduce the hurt or anger he may be feeling and want to reconnect with you.

12. Don’t Let Him Take Advantage of You

Being needy and desperate can be very unattractive, and if he thinks he can get you to do whatever he wants, you’ll likely push him away in the long run. 

Avoid doing anything and everything your ex wants, even if you want them back. The key is to act strategically and take charge of the situation instead of giving him complete control over you.

13. Ask Him to Take His Stuff Back

Ask your ex to come for his belongings and add that seeing his things is too painful. 

It will communicate that you’re still hurting while at the same time showing that you’re ready to move on. 

You can also add pictures of you looking happy together or make his things smell like you by spraying your perfume on them to bring back emotional memories.

It’s an excellent reverse psychology tactic that can make him desire you more and make him feel like he’s losing you. 

Before you know it, he’ll start missing you and trying to get you back.


If you’re certain reuniting with your ex is the best decision, you can use these strategies to make him want you back.

Simply accept the breakup, apologize, temporarily stay away and work on yourself, build your value and confidence and slowly pull on his heartstrings by giving him opportunities to see you and creating a friendly connection. 

Remember to remain mysterious, intriguing, calm and guarded to get your ex’s attention and make him want you back.

If you want to learn how cutting off works, I recommend going through this article: Cut him off, He will miss you* Here’s How.

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Jayme Wium
About Jayme Wium

Jayme is a certified relationship & communications Counselor and a professional writer with 13 years of experience. She lives in the United Kingdom with her Daxies, reading and writing as much as her free time will allow.

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