The decision to cut him off is not going to an easy one. However, you might be left with no other choice.
If you’ve had enough of his toxic behavior and you can’t see any other way out, it might be time to exclude him from your life.
Before you do anything, though, make sure you understand what cutting him off really means and why it works in romantic relationships.
Understanding the Concept of “Cutting Off”
What does it really mean to cut someone off? It means…
… to exclude them from your life completely
… to act as if they were never in your life
… to stop talking to them altogether
… to avoid seeing them by all means
… to ignore their attempts to contact you
… to stop doing anything for them/with them
… blocking ex on everything.
Why “Cutting Off” Works in Relationships?
No contact rule mainly because of two reasons:
- We want what we can’t have. If you’re no longer his and part of his life, he’ll feel compelled to want you even more.
- Men enjoy the chase more than the relationship. Research shows that the harder it is for them to conquer a woman, the more they want her. Or, the rarer and harder a pair of slippers is to buy, the more they want it.
The Difference between Healthy and Unhealthy “Cutting Off”
When is it unhealthy to cut someone off?
As you probably figured out by now, cutting all contact with someone can be used as a way to manipulate them and that would not be healthy.
For example, you could go silent on him for a week, because you want him to work on his toxic behavior.
While that may work, if you’re using it to get what you want, and not to get away from toxic behavior, that’s not healthy.
The same goes for cutting him off as a form of emotional abuse as if you’re punishing him for something he did or didn’t do.
When is it healthy to cut someone off?
Cutting someone off is healthy when it’s used as a way to set boundaries that were otherwise not respected.
For example, if he consistently lies to you, makes promises and doesn’t keep his word, tries to gaslight you, then you have to do something to stop him.
Another reason it’s healthy is when you need to push him away from you because you feel the need to focus on your self-care.
For example, if the relationship is making you engage in destructive behaviors, then you should end it and take care of yourself.
Whether you do it for the right or wrong reasons, cutting him off will make him miss you. Here’s why:
10 Reasons Why Cutting Him Off Will Make Him Miss You
1. He will realize that you are an independent woman
Although men may fall for a “damsel in distress” type of woman, what they truly admire is an independent woman.
A woman who is self-sufficient and has enough self-respect to tend to her own needs and relies only on herself is very attractive to men.
You can be that woman and in the process, you can also make this guy miss you. By cutting him off, you show him that:
- You don’t need him or his help
- You are doing great on your own
- You are your own person
- You have a path to follow
2. You will trigger feelings of loss inside of him
Have you ever heard of loss aversion? Psychologically speaking, it’s about people’s perception of loss and gain.
You see, we tend to feel the pain of losing something or someone way more intense than the pleasure of gaining something or someone.
So, if you cut all contact with him, you actually induce this profound feeling of loss inside of him. You know how what they say, “losses loom larger than gains.”
As soon as he’ll realize he lost you, he won’t know what hit him. He’ll start missing you and yearning for your return in his life.
3. He will feel even more drawn to you and be intrigued
If he can’t talk to you, see you, or check your social media to find out what you’re up to, he won’t remain indifferent.
Especially if you used to share everything you were doing and feeling with him, the fact that you stop will affect him. It’s like you’re taking away a part of his day that he’s used to.
Maintaining a bit of mystery has a huge role in attraction because it makes the other person wonder about you.
His interest will be piqued when he’ll have to face the truth that you’re out of his life. That’s when he’ll not only miss you but think about you a lot.
4. Your absence from his life will make him feel lonely
Apart from making him realize that he lost you, cutting him off will also make him feel lonely. As his girlfriend, you probably play many roles in his life.
You are there for him when he wants to talk, you keep him company, you have fun together, and so on. But what if you disappear?
That alone will make him feel lonely. It’s not that he doesn’t have others to hang out with.
However, he’s used to hanging out with you, which is a unique experience that he can’t live with others. That’s why he’ll remember for you.
5. He will miss the physical intimacy you shared
When you cut him off, he will miss you and…he’ll miss the sex.
Right after you cut him off, he might not think too much of it. However, as days go by, he’ll start missing you and the things you two did together.
That includes being physically close to you, touching you, kissing you, holding you in his arms, as well as having sex with you.
All of these are important in a man’s life and a woman’s life, but guess who will miss them more? You guessed it right! He will!
Especially if his love language is physical touch, he’ll go crazy when he won’t be able to be physically close to you and may regret losing you.
6. You will make him wonder what you’re up to
Ceasing contact with him will make him think about you even more. All sorts of questions will go through his mind and he won’t be able to answer them.
You won’t be there to tell him everything he wants to know and he won’t have any way of finding out either. No social media posts, no photos, no check-ins…
The lack of information will keep him fixated on you. Many scenarios will go through his head, some better than others.
If he’s an insecure guy, he might think you’ve ditched him for someone else and that will accentuate his feelings of loss.
7. He will miss being listened to by you
No contact means you won’t be there to listen to him. Especially if he used to talk to you about his day, his reasons for joy and hardships, he’ll be quite miserable.
Having someone to talk to and someone who listens to us is essential for our emotional and mental well-being. Just by taking that away from him, you will make him miss you.
That’s when he might realize just how valuable you are in his life. His eyes will be open and he will see how important your role was and how sad he is now that he lost you.
He will recognize your true value after you cut him off completely.
8. You will make him miss the way you treated him
Listen, you’re unique. So, even if he reacts like an idiot to you cutting him off and he goes chasing other girls, he won’t find what he needs.
If he starts seeing other women it’s because he’s trying to fill in the void you left inside of him by not interacting with him anymore.
He’s actually looking for specific gestures and behavioral clues that are characteristic of you and he won’t find them.
All those things that he took for granted… he’ll miss them! No one else is going to treat him like you did.
That’s a fact and that’s why this technique works: You take away the benefits of being together.
9. He will feel compelled to reflect on the relationship
Last, but not least, cutting off contact completely with him make him self reflect. He’ll ask himself what really happened, what he did wrong, and whose fault was it.
During this process, he might actually understand what made you remove him from your life and if he wants you back, he’ll think about ways to fix your problems.
He will miss you a lot, too, especially if he’ll draw the right conclusions and admit his mistakes.
He’ll understand the positive influence and may try to win you back in his life. However, this won’t happen overnight but he’ll begin to think about this sooner or later.
When Cutting Him Off Will NOT Work?
Cutting him off is not a universal fix for all relationship problems. Unfortunately, there are a few situations that can’t be fixed with its help, such as:
- If you cheated on him or he cheated on you
- If he is already involved in another relationship
- If he is determined to let you go and move on
- If you were together for a very short while
- If you’re the one with the issues, not him.
How to Cut Him Off Effectively?
- Make sure you communicate clearly
To make sure he gets the message and he takes it seriously, make sure you communicate it clearly.
I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to make him understand what you want. In this regard, you have to be as brief and as specific as you can.
Don’t let him interrupt you and try to communicate your decision with confidence.
- Set boundaries for yourself
Cutting him off would be pointless if you wouldn’t set boundaries. For example, when you state a need or a request, that’s when you set a boundary.
Your boundaries are actually about your limits, so to set one, think about the things you are okay with and the things you’re not okay with.
Then, communicate your boundaries and reinforce them by being consistent with them.
- Take care of yourself
Use the time you’re apart from him to take care of yourself. In this period, self-care is important because of multiple reasons.
First of all, you invest in yourself and your well-being. Second of all, you draw his attention by improving yourself.
So, find self-care activities that contribute to your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Spoil yourself, spend time outdoors, and even meditate.
How Long Does It Take a Guy to Realize He Misses You?
A guy may realize that he misses you shortly after cutting him off, or it might take a while. This depends on multiple factors, such as:
- How long you’ve been together
- How serious your problems are
If you’ve only dated for a short while, he might need between 2 weeks and one month to miss you so bad that he’ll contact you.
However, the time may increase for couples who were in a committed relationship for a long while and had serious issues to deal with.
How to Handle the Potential Outcomes of Cutting Him Off?
- You successfully made him miss you and now he wants to reconnect
In case cutting him off proves to be successful and he expresses his desire to rekindle things with you, give it some thought.
You can’t jump back into his arms unless he comes up with a solid plan to fix his mistakes. So, make sure to talk about the things that need to change for your relationship to continue.
Admit your faults as well and the part you played when things went south between the two of you.
Also, this would be a great time to talk about boundaries again and commit to respecting them in the future.
- He chooses to respect your decision and to let you go for good
Even if chances are low, cutting him off may not go as planned. He may not choose to return to you. Instead, he might respect your decision to cut all contact for good.
If that happens, you have to be prepared. Moving forward positively will not be as hard as you may think right now because you’ll come to the realization that he wasn’t right for you anyway.
If he were, then some time apart from you would’ve been enough to open his eyes about his wrongdoings.
To move on, try to deal with the facts, occupy your time with activities that you love, and surround yourself with people who care about you.
Your friend might have told you “cut him off, he will miss you” and he will come back begging. However, it’s not that simple. If your ex boyfriend is big on self-esteem that might just not happen at all.
The concept of “cutting off” can be successfully applied in romantic relationships, with a few exceptions, of course.
It’s based on removing someone from your life with the purpose of making him realize what he’s lost and miss you.
But it’s also very useful in situations when your boundaries are consistently broken. That’s when cutting off someone is proof of self-respect.
In the end, when you exclude him from your life, you give yourself the needed time to grow, and him the needed time to work on his flaws and time to reflect on his actions.
Even if the outcome of ceasing contact with him may not be a happy reconciliation, look at the bright side: You’ve distanced yourself from someone who was making you feel bad.