Inside your heart you feel nothing but love for your ex, however, they’re ignoring you and pretending that they are over you completely.
This can be painful, hurtful and heart-breaking to say the least especially when you still hold love for your ex.
You might get stuck in overthinking:
- “What did I do wrong?”
- “Are they angry at me?”
- “How can I make sure that they aren’t ignoring me anymore?”
You’re taking all the blame on yourself.
This can cause a lot of emotional turbulence when someone who was once so intimately connected to us, suddenly goes into complete radar silence.
In a perfect world everyone would communicate with each other with love about what is truly going on, only many times this isn’t always possible.
Because most of the time people come from a place of wounding, of fears and of coping mechanisms.
Below I aim to give you some clarity on the reasons why your ex might be ignoring you, how to do what you can to make your ex stop ignoring you and also how to deal with the situation for you and your ex’s mental health sake.
6 Reasons Why Your Ex is Ignoring You
1. They are trying to move on and establish boundaries
Every situation is unique. Every break-up is unique. That’s why one of the reasons that your ex is ignoring you, might be because they’re trying to move on and put on some boundaries.
They clearly feel that they don’t want to go back to the “old” and are ready to step into the new. Them ignoring you isn’t something truly personal but it’s more their way of moving on.
They clearly show to you that they don’t want to be in contact and if someone acts around you like that, you should respect that also as an act of love for yourself.
2. They’re emotionally detached as a coping mechanism
If you have had many fights or emotional turbulence together and it seems there wasn’t a way out, your ex might have suffered a lot and looks for a way to heal.
The reason your ex is ignoring you is because they could be dealing with a lot of unspoken negative emotions or feelings that they’re trying to manage by putting up a wall or a boundary.
This becomes a coping mechanism to deal with the situation that might be very overwhelming or they try to escape from.
3. They need space and time to heal
One of the most common reasons that your ex is ignoring you, is simply because they need the space, they need to heal.
Especially if you are the one responsible for the break-up, it can be very hard and damaging for the heart of your ex to be around you and take in your being.
Especially if they’re still in love with you or healing from the break-up. This is their way to take the space and time they need for their own process.
4. They are angry and hurt
Them ignoring you can be a consequence of them being angry or hurt.
When we lose control inside ourselves, when we go through a rollercoaster of irrational or extreme emotions, we can tend to look for a way to control the situation we’re in. To still feel a sense of power.
With them ignoring you, they’re able to have a sense of control or power over you.
At least that might be in their heads.
5. Your ex has a new romantic interest
When new love is on the horizon for your ex or is in a new relationship that is more than serious, they will do everything they can to protect the new relationship or bonding.
They don’t want to let the old linger or influence the romance that they’re growing and working on right now.
This, therefore, might be a clear reason why your crush is ignoring you.
It’s simple, your ex’s feelings have changed.
Would you love to have your ex around the corner? With all the stories that the two of you might have experienced if you’re trying to build something new?
6. They are trying to punish you
When your ex isn’t happy with your actions and with your behavior, even though your behavior isn’t necessarily bad, but they interpret it that way, they might try to punish you.
They withdraw their attention, they withdraw themselves completely, to let you feel and let you wonder.
In this way it can happen that they try to punish you for the “things” you have done unto them.
Heads up: You can learn psychological reasons behind why ignoring your ex is powerful.
How To Get Your Ex To Stop Ignoring You?
1. Know the power of the No Contact Rule
Instead of immediately going back to your ex asking them “Why are you ignoring me?” Try to be the stronger party.
Try to come to a place of acceptance and be aware of the power of the No Contact Rule.
No Contact Rule is referring to cutting off all contact with an ex after a break up. And it’s the best method for moving on from an ex.
No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, no texting, calling and social media interactions.” Being aware of this rule, might help you and your ex to move on.
If you want to get your ex to stop ignoring you then this is a good strategy but it won’t work if your ex is completely over you.
2. Apologize for your mistakes (if necessary)
If you truly made mistakes by disrespecting behavior that has hurt your ex’s feelings, it will be helpful to sincerely show your apologies if the situation asks this from you.
However, if your ex is behaving in ways that you don’t understand what you really did wrong, because you didn’t have painful behaviors and only respect, then follow your gut feeling.
You know deep inside when it’s time for you to take responsibility.
3. Focus on personal growth
Instead of focusing yourself on things you can’t control, such as your ex ignoring you. Take the power back on the things you can control: you.
Engage in activities that make you happy, develop new hobbies, spend time with friends and family.
This will not only help you heal but also make you more attractive to your ex if they start to notice positive changes in you.
Some examples of effective hobbies to take your mind off your ex could be: a writing class, a nurturing yoga class, learning to paint or even to play an instrument.
4. Seek professional support
If this behavior of your ex is hurting you or influencing you to such an extent that you can’t function anymore, this might be a clear sign that it’s time to find professional support.
They can help you to look at the blind spots that you don’t see by yourself. They can show you the places, the ways in which you can free yourself and release yourself.
Sometimes we think it’s just “the others” but when you’re deeply triggered there might be something else under the surface that you haven’t thought of.
When there is a professional next to your side, they can support you on this journey. They can help you see new places that you haven’t discovered for yourself.
Instead of thinking this is a weakness to ask for help, see if you can find a person that you truly trust, that you get that genuine good “feeling” with and start from there.
You never know what beauty this journey can bring you.
How to Handle The Situation Even if It Hurts?
1. Acceptance and Letting Go
One of the most important things to do when an ex is hurting you, is to accept the situation and let go.
The more we resist what is, the more we resist reality and the more suffering we will create. One of my teachers once told me: “be like a leaf in the water.”
With which he meant to allow everything to move through you and you move with it. Whether that is pain, a break up or people moving out of your life without resistance.
The less resistance, the more free you will be. Dwelling on your past keeps you stuck in a cycle of negativity and prevents you from fully embracing the present and future.
Instead of reaching out to your ex for emotional support, you should get involved with your social circle.
Which was inspired by the following Reddit comment: “There was no need to maintain contact with them. I have friends, I have family, I have plenty of emotional support.”
2. Respect Their Decision
I know this might be the toughest one, but you have to respect their decision. Even though it hurts. Even though you might wish that it was different. You have to respect it.
And, you’ve to learn maintain your self esteem too.
As mentioned before, you can’t change what other people decide to do with their lives. You can’t tell what is best for them. Only they know what is best for them.
We can only accept and respect the decisions that they make because we trust that what they do is what they need in every moment and that that’s the best for them, in each moment.
Interfering with this decision, trying to make them change their minds, trying to keep in contact even though they have clearly shown you that they don’t want this, is disrespectful.
Besides this, it will also interrupt your own process. Maybe you can even go back to a moment that you “didn’t accept” a choice and kept jumping against the fen, how did this feel?
Did you feel free? Did you feel resistance? Did you feel hopeless? In pain?
The more you disrespect the decision and wish it was different, the more painful it will be for you and for them.
3. Learn from the past and embrace the future
There is nothing more beautiful than making mistakes, than loving deeply and get hurt, even though it might not feel that way right now.
Even an ex ignoring you is actually a gift that they give you. They actually show you parts of yourself. Not of them.
What is within your power and where you can grow is to ask yourself:
“How am I reacting when someone is acting like this? Do I stay in love? In trust?”
Or “Do I go into distrust? “In self-doubt?”
It’s a beautiful way of analyzing your behavior and how much trust you have for your path and the universe, where you can grow and what needs your attention.
Remember, no one can truly touch you, only if you let them.
4. Be patient and know that you’ve the “Power”
Patience is one of the most important keys to life. With patience, all answers will come. With patience your ex might also be able to feel everything and open up.
Just know that when you can remain patient and stay close to yourself, not acting out of self-doubt or disrespect to someone else, you still have the power.
You’re not a helpless puppy that is a victim of your life. You’re still here. You’re still breathing. You’re still moving.
Someone moving away from your life or ignoring you, doesn’t mean that your life has ended.
This does mean that someone made a decision that is best for them. Just how you can make a decision that is best for you: to move on and not dwell into the past.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” an inspiring quote by written by Maya Angelou.
Takeaway:
What if, instead of thinking, “Why is my ex ignoring me?” you transform your thinking to “What a gift, that my ex is ignoring me!”
Instead of begging for someone to come back or and stop ignoring you, see it as a redirection for all the people that are meant to be in your life.
See it as a way that what isn’t meant in your life, is moving out of your life. This is only in your best interest. The universe is always conspiring in your best interest.
- Can you see the power that words can bring?
- The power that asking different questions or allowing a different mindset can bring you?
Your ex ignoring you isn’t the end of the world. It’s an opportunity for you refocus your life.
To move to the things that inspire you, that spark a fire in you and open your heart for the ones that are willing to stay.
The ones that aren’t playing games, if that’s who you are too.
- What if your ex ignoring you is a blessing? and not a curse?
What if your ex is moving away in a way of the universe saying to you “now the people that are meant to be in your life, can come!”
You don’t need to convince anyone to talk to you with respect and the love that you deserve, nor do you have to force them.
You got this. Don’t give up. Let go of the resistance, move with grace, patience and flow. Let the universe unfold in front of your eyes.
