You were together with your “dream”person and suddenly they cut the cord, they broke up with you and now they move on from you like all was nothing.
They pick up their lives, they start to grow in new ways, it seems like they don’t have an eye for you anymore, at all.
You feel like it was all for nothing. You feel like you didn’t even count. You feel like you didn’t leave even the slightest touch in their lives.
Questions might arise in your mind: “Did my ex even care about me at all? “Did I matter?”
There can be multiple reasons how could your ex move on immediately and below we will dive deeper into them.
I will also show you the way in how you can move on more quickly if this has happened to you. Let’s dive in!
9 Reasons Why Your EX Moved on Quickly, As If You Meant Nothing?
1. They are in “Fight or flight” mode
According to Psychology Tools “The fight or flight response is an automatic physiological reaction to an event that is perceived as stressful or frightening.
The perception of threat activates the sympathetic nervous system and triggers an acute stress response that prepares the body to fight or flee.”
What actually can happen is that your ex might be in this modus. When they go through a break up with you, a coping mechanism from them can be to fight or flight.
They fight the situation by not accepting that the both of you have been separated or they just fly away. They fly away and jump straight back into a new relationship as a way to protect themselves as soon as possible.
From the hurt, from the emptiness, from the sadness or even the being alone.
It can feel like your ex moved on quickly but while in reality, they’re not.
2. They had already mentally moved on long before the break up
What could have happened, is that your ex had already mentally moved on long before the break up.
So, on the outside it may seem your ex moved on quickly, but in reality, they were already disconnecting from you for a long time and relationship meant nothing.
If you really have paid attention, you might have noticed some of the following signs, to name a few, that indicate that your ex was already taking more distance
- The attraction between the both of you declined over time.
- Where they first texted and called you a lot, has become less.
- The intimacy, the love started to decline.
- There was just this “off” feeling that you couldn’t put a finger upon.
- They canceled you more often or have more excuses for not showing up with you.
3. They are trying to create the perception that they have moved on
It’s easy to paint a “perfect” picture of how we’re feeling through social media or by a rebound relationship just to show the world or even our ex how “good” our lives are.
And, a rebound relationship can typically last for a few weeks to a year.
I remember when I broke up from my first serious relationship, I had such a hard time with moving on that I had no idea how I could overcome this intense heartbreak that I was feeling.
What I started to do was to mask everything that I was feeling by becoming immensely positive and acting like “I had it all together and I was happy.”
I started to show up more on social media. Besides this I also choose for a relationship that was emotionally not as fulfilling as that what I had with my ex.
This was all me trying to mend my broken pieces, I do realize now.
I remember that my ex told me that “she thought I was doing well and had a new partner” while in reality my heart was still with her and I couldn’t get myself over it.
That’s why I believe that you shouldn’t accept everything that you perceive right away.
While it may look like your ex moved on quickly, it may not be the case. You never know what is truly going on in someone’s heart besides social media and their new relationship.
4. You didn’t meet your ex’s expectations and needs
According to this video of Love Advice TV, one of the reasons that your ex moved on quickly can be that you didn’t meet your ex’s expectations and needs over a longer period of time.
When your ex partner is mentioning certain things about their needs and you’re not listening, you’re not taking proper time to hear them or the other way around they didn’t communicate this properly,
leaving them with unmet needs and expectations, it can happen that they slowly but surely started to disconnect from the relationship. No matter if you were aware of this or not.
5. Their higher “emotional intelligence” has helped them move on fast
According to VeryWellMind Emotional intelligence “is the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, evaluate, and use emotions to communicate with and relate to others effectively and constructively.”
Being an emotionally intelligent person, will help you to understand and relate to others in a higher, quality level than that someone with low emotional intelligence will do.
I see this happening with a lot of my clients too. Sometimes I speak with clients who have a very low emotional intelligence which causes them to stay stuck in loops in the past.
The people with higher emotional intelligence, in the way they communicate and relate with others have a deeper understanding and acceptance which causes them to reflect and see a situation more clearly and what is right for them.
This helps them with some support more easily to move on.
6. The state of relationship was “Unhealthy & Toxic” for a long time
Sometimes love isn’t enough, especially when the both of you love each other but are very toxic to each other. You can’t stay together but at the same time you can’t let go.
Until there comes a certain moment when one of the two has had so much that you need to disconnect.
I have been on both sides of the spectrum. I have been the toxic ex and I have been the victim of a toxic ex.
What goes around, comes around.
I have seen with one of my ex’s that the relationship became so toxic and destructive, that even though we loved each other like hell and we had so much passion, the pain that came besides it, became too much for my ex.
Even though I know she loved me, she needed to disconnect from me as she began to burn her own fingers.
I saw my ex moving on so quickly with a new girlfriend and I just knew she was looking for a way out as soon as she could to forget me.
Years later in a conversation she told me that she “never forgot about me.” but “that she needed to find a way to forget me as soon as possible because loving me hurted her.”
7. They had already found someone else while they were in relationship with you
One of the reasons that your ex moved on quickly is because they already fell in love with a new person while they were in a relationship with you.
If they have, moving will be fast. Moving on will be easier for them than for you. You leave behind with the pain in your heart and they find someone else to do life with.
Of course they are able to move on more quickly than you do.
However, don’t assume that this is happening right away. I see many of my clients assuming these things which make them go crazy and keep them stuck in their minds.
I always tell them to not be too focused on this, as this will only create anger and harm inside of them, but to take the power back towards themselves and what is in control.
Focusing on the past or things you can’t control only will give you suffering.
8. Perhaps, You were being too “NEEDY” in the relationship
Nothing is less attractive than someone who is constantly needing your attention and constantly is all over the place in your social media and your texts.
There is a healthy balance between wanting to share love and moments with your partner and being overly invested in your partner until a point that it’s suffocating them.
If you were asking for too many things over a longer period of time, it might be that your expectations and your needs were too high for them. They couldn’t meet you.
Your ex moved quickly because they felt pressured and that’s why they left.
Especially people with an anxious attachment style can come across as a needy person in a relationship.
According to Max Jancar, an anxious attachment style: “The anxious is someone who can’t help but seek validation and approval from others and tries to control everything and everyone.”
If you come from a wounded place, if you come from a place where you need others to validate you and approve you, can you imagine how this would be from the side of your ex?
If no matter what they do, you won’t feel “full” so they keep giving and giving and it will never be enough. At some point, it will be damaging for them and they will pull back.
Looking at your attachment style and how it’s influencing your relationship might be a very crucial and important journey that you can undertake to become less needy in your relationship.
9. You overlooked their dating history
Sometimes we can get into the high of love, we can romanticize our partner, we can put them on a pedestal, thinking all these beautiful things about them.
While in reality, you haven’t completely reflected on their dating history. You haven’t completely done the work to understand who they are before you started dating them.
What might have happened is that their beautiful words and behavior have put you into a relationship with them, they showed up as a certain persona which you fell for.
Now after some time, they break up with you and they move on really quickly. It might be that this is just who they are. They play more than they are serious with people.
Next time you can tackle this next time to be aware of who this person truly is, by meeting their friends, mutual friends, their family and the people around them (if you haven’t known them for long) and truly feel.
Take your time to really get to know a person especially if you haven’t known them from before.
Your mind can trick you easily and connect dots of the things you would love to see, instead of seeing what is truly there.
If you let your heart and your mind guide together, you’re more up for making great and aligned decisions.
What Can You Do If Ex Moves on Quickly?
Since your EX moved on quickly, you probably are longing for a way to deal with this as soon and as smoothly as possible.
Coming from a place of deep heartbreak and traumatic experience, I get what you mean and I get how lonely and dark this place can feel.
There are certain ways that make the moving on easier when ex moves on quickly like you were nothing:
- Don’t check their social media.
One of my key tips is to NOT check their profiles. I always tell my clients to disconnect from them and choose for themselves.
Seeing them on social media is constantly putting you through the same pain of missing them instead of taking time on your own to reflect and heal.
- Take time to feel your feelings and allow yourself to grief.
The better you get at this stage, the easier it gets to move on. I remember that with my first ex I didn’t allow myself to cry.
I cried in silence but I also boiled up many of my feelings thinking that this would help me to move on more quickly.
What I have come to realize is that the better I get at feeling the rage and the grief, the more smoothly and easily the letting go of a person I love became.
- Don’t use someone else to fill the emptiness or loneliness.
Don’t fill a gap. Don’t fill it with someone else. This will only leave you for despair later on.
Really take time to reflect, heal and regain your power before you’re going into a new relationship. This will help you to actually feel more ready to give yourself.
- Don’t look back in anger.
I used to hold on to the pain some of my ex’s gave me just because that helped me to still feel a sense of control or even connection to them.
Letting go of the anger and blame has been a way to release them from my system. Forgiving someone else isn’t so much about the other, it’s more about us.
When we realize that we can be free from each other if we let go from the anger and the blame, our lives will become much easier.
It was and is never about them. It is about you.
These are the things to do when and if your ex moves on quickly.
Your ex moving on, whether they’re truly moving on or pretending to be, the best thing you can do is not to wait around.
When you focus on their moving on, your own life is coming to a standstill.
You don’t want to take a seat in the waiting room of your ex life, overthinking their lives while at the same time being disconnected from your own.
I know it’s hard to see this happening, but eventually, we need to move on with our lives, too.
Some people are meant to travel with us, others won’t or they aren’t ready.
Allowing yourself to strengthen the connection with yourself and listen to yourself, through these times, will help you to move on more quickly too.
Eventually, this is an opportunity to refocus your attention on yourself instead of what is happening in your outside world.
And isn’t that a beautiful opportunity that has been given to you?