Is saying “I’m sorry” enough to make your girlfriend forgive you?
Well… most of the time it’s not. That’s why it’s important to learn how to apologize properly.
Being honestly sorry for something you said or did can definitely help, however, the way you approach her also matters.
Don’t know where to begin? No problem!
Below, you’ll find everything you need to know about how to successfully apologize to your girlfriend.
14 Ways to Apologize to Your Girlfriend
1. Figure out WHY she’s angry or upset
What really made your girlfriend angry or upset? Did you hurt her in any way?
In the process of apologizing to her, you have to truly understand her reason. Unless it’s something really obvious such as the fact that you lied to her or embarrassed her, you could have to do some digging.
Things such as consistently running late on your dates or gazing too much or in an inappropriate way at her BBF could also be among her reasons.
Pinpointing the exact cause of her negative feelings is important because you can build your apology on it and comprehend the way she thinks and feels.
You see, when you apologize to her, you have to be very specific. You can’t simply say something like “I’m sorry for what I did or for what happened.”
If you really want her to forgive you, showing her that you realize the consequences of your actions is a must, which brings me to the next point…
2. Acknowledge and respect her feelings
Look, maybe you think that what hurt your GF is insignificant. In your mind, she could be exaggerating and basically making a big deal out of nothing.
But what you need to understand is that it doesn’t matter what you think. Different things bother different people. We don’t all get upset because of the same reasons.
So, even if you think she shouldn’t feel hurt or be mad at you, acknowledging her feelings and respecting them is part of the process.
Did you pay more attention to other women when you last went to a get-together? If so, imagine how she felt in that situation.
Did you fail to defend her in front of others? Not having your girlfriend’s back is another possible cause of disappointment.
Either way, what she needs to hear is that you understand how you made her feel and that you are truly sorry.
3. Take accountability for your actions
Simply put, what you said or did had a negative effect on your girl. What now?
Taking responsibility for your actions is the next step. When you want to genuinely make things better, this is essential.
To make her feel heard and understood, state what actually happened and say the words “I’m sorry”.
Here’s an example:
What I said/did (say what) was wrong and I’m truly sorry. I see how much that affected you and that was by far my intention. I messed up and I regret hurting you/offending you/making you mad.
Now, pay attention: This is not the time when you explain yourself or the time to find excuses for your actions.
Whatever happened, happened and you can’t change that. What you can change though is what happens next. So, do your best to own up to your mistakes.
4. Reach out to your girlfriend and apologize
Should you send her an apology text or show up at her house and serenade her?
Each woman is different, so no one knows what would work best with your GF. What I do know is that if you make your apology sincere and personal, you’ll have a higher chance to succeed.
In this regard, you could call her, text her, write her an apology letter, and/or talk to her in person.
These are all good ways to apologize, but what works best is to say you’re sorry in person. In this way, she’ll also be able to see that you regret what you said/did.
However, if she doesn’t want to see you, you might have to apologize in writing!
If nothing major happened, you can write her a text expressing how sorry you really are. Remember to say what you’re sorry about, that you were wrong, and ask for forgiveness.
In case you messed up badly, writing her a letter of apology could be the solution. Don’t forget to mention your wrongdoings and include a few sentences about your feelings for her.
5. Don’t make excuses for yourself while apologizing
Listen, the fact that you “didn’t mean it” or “you thought it wasn’t a big deal” doesn’t count for anything.
When you make excuses for yourself and try to justify your behavior, what you’re really doing is making her feel less important.
Any apology that goes like this “I am sorry you think I was wrong, but…” will not work. First, you don’t even admit that you were wrong.
Second, if you include the word “but” what you’re really doing is taking away the attention from her and focusing on yourself and your reasons.
The point here is to address her feelings. She’s the one who had a negative experience because of you.
Remember: You don’t have to agree with how she feels. Your aim is to make her see that you’re indeed sorry.
6. Actively listen to what she has to say
If you think that a simple apology will do the trick, think again… Most girlfriends need much more than that, especially if they feel betrayed.
What does this really mean?
It means that you should be as serious as possible about what happened and listen to her talk about how that made her feel.
Don’t just wait for her to stop talking and say you’re sorry again. That won’t work because she won’t feel heard.
So, try to actively listen to her and show her that you’re engaged in conversation by making eye contact with her, nodding, and asking follow-up questions.
Let’s say that you shared one of her secrets with the wrong person and now everybody is making fun of her. To even begin to fix this, you have to listen to what she’s going through.
7. Assure and re-assure her that it won’t happen again
Depending on the gravity of the situation, you’ll have to assure your girlfriend once or more than once that you won’t repeat the same mistake again.
She needs to know that you’ll take her feelings into consideration and avoid doing the same thing again.
So, saying it once might not impress her or make her feel good about the situation. Especially if you lied to her, she’ll have a hard time believing you.
What to do in this case? Look for ways to make up to her that show you regret what happened. Your words might not be enough.
Or, you could ask her directly what she needs you to do in order to forgive you.
8. Ask her how she thinks you should proceed
If you’re a lucky guy, your GF will tell you exactly how to fix your mistake. That’s why it’s important to ask her.
Let me give you a few examples:
- I honestly don’t know where to start. Can you give me some pointers?
- Please tell me, how can I make it up to you? Can you think of something?
- I am willing to do anything to fix this. How do you think I should proceed?
If you ask her, she’ll see that your intentions are good and maybe she’ll even try to help you. However, if she rejects the idea, then you’re on your own!
My suggestion? Don’t ever repeat your mistake.
For example, if she caught you flirting with other women online, then it would be best to become more transparent with her and even share your passwords with her.
9. Openly admit you were wrong and say sorry again
What does she need to hear from you to forgive you?
She needs to hear you admit that you were wrong. To her, it doesn’t matter if, for example, you always run late because you stop to buy flowers for her.
Sure, it’s very nice of you to buy flowers for her. However, that’s not what she needs. She needs you to stop making her wait for you every time you ask her out on a date.
In this situation, you might find it impossible to admit that you were wrong. After all, you were just trying to be nice.
However, for your apology to count, you should say something like this:
I see now that I was wrong to make you wait for me. I thought I was doing something nice for you and the opposite happened. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.
10. Give her as much space as she needs
After you apologize to your girlfriend, don’t expect her to forgive you right away. Each of us needs more or less time to process things.
Especially if you hurt her or betrayed her trust, she will most definitely need time to think about what happened… away from you.
Things won’t go back to normal overnight, so give her as much space as she needs. Right now, seeing you or talking to you might bring up negative feelings.
So, if she tells you that she needs space from you, then give her a couple of days and then try to reach out. Don’t let too much time pass, though. Otherwise, she might think you don’t care.
11. Make plans to spend quality time together
A great way to determine your girlfriend to forgive you for good is to do nice things with her and for her.
For example, you could take her out to a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant. Especially if that’s something you don’t usually do, this will show her you’re sorry.
Another idea would be to cook something for her. Make an actual effort to improve her mood and her physical well-being. Unless you’re a cook, she’ll appreciate it.
In case you’re up for it, planning a city break or even a road trip for the two of you could be an actual surprise for her. Again, she’ll love that you make an effort.
To strengthen your relationship further and wash away your wrongdoings, you could suggest picking up a new hobby together.
12. Surprise her with a meaningful gift
We often see in the movies that a great way to apologize to a woman is to send her a huge bouquet of flowers with a heart-melting message and a box of chocolates.
But, will it work? Again, it depends on how minor or major your mistake really is.
To be sure though, it would be best to surprise her with a meaningful gift – something that she’ll know you’ve put a lot of thought into or something that shows you really know her.
Receiving gifts could actually be her love language, so it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try. If you’ve been together for a while, then you should know if she appreciates gifts or not.
13. Create a collage that tells the story of your relationship
An amazing idea for a surprise gift is to create a collage that tells the story of your relationship. Especially if you have lots of photos together, this should be easy to do.
To make a collage, you need cardboard, glue, and lots of photos of the two of you. Or, if you’re skilled at using PhotoShop or other similar software, you can also make a digital collage.
Pick pics representative of your relationship: your first date, the first time when you held hands, the first party you went together to, and so on.
The more romantic and meaningful the pictures are, the better.
14. Show her she is important to you with words and actions
If you’ve apologized and made her realize you’re truly sorry for what you said/did, now is the time to focus on your feelings for her. Why?
Well… to be honest… some of your actions may have led her to believe that you don’t care for her as much as she thought.
In case that’s true, you need to work on fixing this too. How?
Tell her how much she means to you on a constant basis. Also, show her that she’s important to you (keep your word, be there for her, buy gifts, take her out, and so on.)
Apologizing to your girlfriend may not going to be easy, not to mention that she might take a while to fully forgive you.
What does this mean for you?
You’ll have to make a constant effort to show her that you regret what you did and reassure her that you won’t ever do it again.
Especially if it’s something that hurt her deeply or offended her in a serious way, she won’t forgive and forget as fast as you or other guys would.
You see, women need more time to process things when they’re being betrayed or hurt in other ways. They need to be constantly reassured.
So, prepare to apologize for the same mistake more than once and stay consistent about it!