Narcissists—individuals who exhibit a high sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy—can often be found manipulating and targeting people in relationships. While many might assume narcissists go after single individuals, you’d be surprised to learn that they are often drawn to married people. Why? Because there’s something about the dynamic of a committed relationship that narcissists find irresistible.
If you’re wondering why narcissists tend to target married people, you’re not alone. This article uncovers the 10 surprising reasons why they find this scenario so appealing. These reasons can help you better understand the behavior of narcissists and how to protect yourself from their toxic grip.
1. They Thrive on the Challenge of ‘Winning’ Someone Already Taken
Narcissists are driven by a desire to dominate and control others. There’s a sense of satisfaction they derive from winning someone over who is already committed to another person. The idea of breaking up a relationship and proving their own superiority feels like an irresistible challenge. They view relationships as a game, and the more complex the situation, the more exciting it becomes for them.
This can make married people particularly appealing targets. Narcissists love to play the role of the “savior” or the “perfect partner,” making the married individual feel like their current partner doesn’t understand them. This creates an opening for the narcissist to slip in and offer a fantasy that’s hard to resist.
2. They Can Exploit the Existing Emotional Vulnerability
Marriage, like any relationship, comes with its share of ups and downs. When a married person is going through difficult times, they are often emotionally vulnerable. This is a prime opportunity for narcissists to swoop in and exploit that vulnerability.
By playing the role of the empathic listener, the narcissist gains the trust and attention of the married person, making them feel as though they understand their pain better than anyone else. The narcissist will often encourage the individual to open up about the problems in their marriage, all the while positioning themselves as the perfect “solution.”
3. Narcissists Crave the Status That Comes with Being With Someone Committed
Being involved with a married person can be a status symbol for a narcissist. There’s a sense of prestige and power that comes with being able to attract someone who is already emotionally attached to another person. It boosts their ego to know that they can take something away that seems “off-limits.” Narcissists thrive on validation, and successfully breaking up a marriage can give them a sense of superiority and accomplishment.
This sense of power also plays into their desire to show off their attractiveness, wit, and charm. Being with a married person boosts their self-esteem and makes them feel more desirable in the eyes of others. Narcissists want to be admired and respected, and the act of winning over someone who is already taken only heightens this desire.
4. They’re Experts at Creating Emotional Drama
Narcissists often revel in chaos and emotional drama. Married individuals, especially those in troubled relationships, can provide the perfect environment for the narcissist to thrive in. The drama that comes with infidelity, secrecy, and lies feeds the narcissist’s ego, and they can manipulate the situation to their advantage.
By inciting emotional turmoil, the narcissist gains control of the situation, feeding off the chaos they’ve created. This can also give them an excuse to display their “caring” side, as they present themselves as the only person who can rescue the married individual from their emotional distress.
Also Read: Breaking Up with a Narcissist: The 6 Stages and Long-Lasting Effects You Need to Know
5. Narcissists See Married People as Easier Targets for Manipulation
Married people, especially those in long-term relationships, may feel more secure in their commitments and less likely to question their partner’s behavior. This provides a narcissist with a golden opportunity. They can easily manipulate married people into believing they are the missing piece in their lives, convincing them that their marriage isn’t fulfilling and that they deserve more.
Narcissists use charm and flattery to lower the married person’s defenses, which often leads to manipulation and control. They are masters at reading their targets and knowing exactly what buttons to press to get them to act in the narcissist’s favor.
6. Married People Are Less Likely to Report Them
Another reason narcissists often target married individuals is that they’re less likely to report or expose them for their manipulative behavior. If a married person has been unfaithful or emotionally involved with a narcissist, they may feel guilty or ashamed and hesitate to tell others. The fear of damaging their marriage or reputation can make them more susceptible to the narcissist’s manipulations.
This secrecy is appealing to the narcissist, as they know they can operate in the shadows without fear of exposure. The narcissist thrives on the power of keeping the relationship clandestine, as it feeds their need for control and validation.
7. Narcissists Are Attracted to the Stability of a Marriage
Despite their tendency to thrive on chaos, narcissists are often drawn to the stability that a marriage offers. They may see a married person as someone who already has their life together and is well-established. This stability provides a sense of security for the narcissist, especially when they feel like they are in control of the situation.
Moreover, the idea of being able to destabilize a marriage gives the narcissist a sense of power and control. The married person’s sense of loyalty and commitment becomes a challenge to the narcissist, making them more eager to break it down and assert their own dominance.
8. They Enjoy the Emotional Roller Coaster
The emotional highs and lows of a married person can be irresistible to a narcissist. When a married person is torn between their spouse and the narcissist, the confusion and emotional turmoil are like a drug to the narcissist. They feed off the emotional rollercoaster and can easily manipulate the situation to create tension and instability in the relationship.
By keeping the married person on edge, the narcissist maintains control and creates an environment where they feel needed. This back-and-forth emotional pull only deepens the narcissist’s hold on the individual, making it more difficult for the person to escape.
9. Narcissists Are More Likely to Be Drawn to Married People Who Are Financially Stable
Financial stability is another key factor that can attract a narcissist to a married person. A need for material wealth drives many narcissists, and they are often looking for partners who can provide them with the lifestyle they crave. A married person who has a stable income or financial security becomes a target for the narcissist’s manipulation.
Once the narcissist establishes themselves in the married person’s life, they may begin to demand financial support or use emotional manipulation to gain access to their wealth. The narcissist is often more concerned with what they can gain than with forming an authentic connection.
10. Narcissists Are Drawn to the Validation That Comes with ‘Conquering’ a Married Person
Ultimately, narcissists are drawn to the validation that comes from “conquering” a married person. It feeds their ego and gives them the admiration and approval they crave. They enjoy the feeling of being the one who can provide something that the married person’s spouse can’t, whether that’s excitement, attention, or validation.
Narcissists need constant affirmation of their worth, and breaking up a marriage provides them with the ultimate validation. It shows that they were able to lure someone away from a committed partner, making them feel more powerful and desirable.
Conclusion
Understanding why narcissists are drawn to married people is crucial for recognizing manipulative behavior and protecting yourself from their toxic grip. Narcissists are experts at exploiting vulnerability, creating emotional drama, and feeding off the stability and validation that comes from a committed relationship. By being aware of these behaviors, you can spot the signs early and avoid falling victim to a narcissist’s manipulative tactics.
If you or someone you know is dealing with a narcissist, it’s important to seek support from trusted friends, family, or a professional to navigate these toxic dynamics. Knowing the signs and understanding the motivations behind a narcissist’s behaviour is the first step toward regaining control of your life.
Also Read: Telltale Signs a Narcissist Is Playing Games with You
