My Ex Won’t Leave Me Alone: What Should I Do?

Even though you have been separated from your ex, they can’t seem to let you go.

No matter what you do, your ex won’t leave you alone.

You might even have told them that you need some space for yourself but somehow they don’t seem to listen.

You might not even know what to do anymore with your ex. They just won’t leave you alone, no matter what.

Does this sound like you?

It’s hard to have an ex that you loved at one point in your life really deeply, show up the way they do, that it feels like they’re stalking you , isn’t a nice feeling.

It might even come to a point that you don’t feel protected, safe or “alone” anymore. 

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According to the Women’s Media Center, almost 75% of stalking victims know their stalkers, and a study of abused women in the UK showed that 41% experienced that partners or ex-partners tracked them online or using apps. The internet has brought many more complicated levels to stalking and harassment.”

If this is happening to you, it’s time to assess your situation and see what you can do to positively influence this situation. In this article below we will dive deeper!

Here’s What To Do When Your Ex Won’t Leave You Alone:

1. Understand the Motivations Behind Their Behavior

  • Emotional attachment and longing for the relationship.

When the both of you have been building an emotional connection for a while and then suddenly the connection is over, it can happen that your ex has a hard time with letting go.

They might have an emotional attachment build and a longing towards the relationship because of something that they feel like they only have when they are around you.

  • A desire for control or power over you.

If your ex isn’t leaving you alone, it can be them trying to still have control over you. The feelings of losing might be too much for them to bear all at once. It could have hurt their self esteem.

They might not be ready to face the fact that the relationship is over and by not leaving you alone they still feel in control and in power over the situation that is uncontrollable.

  • Inability to accept the breakup and move on.

When they are in love with you and they build the pictures inside their minds eye about how beautiful you two were together and suddenly that picture cracks down to the floor,

they might have an inability to truly accept this loss and move on. They see you as their dream person and they can’t find a way to truly let go.

  • Hope to get back together 

When they stay around the corner and not leave you alone, they might hope to come back into reconciliation

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They keep all their hopes up high for a few months for a chance to get back together with you. What they don’t know is that the more they push, the more they push away

If they were the dumper, it’s possible that now they regret their decision and now they want to get back together..

2. Assess Your Feelings and Set Firm Boundaries

It’s important to really get clarity on your own feelings and needs around all that is happening with your ex’s behavior. 

If you truly feel like they are invading your personal space, it’s important to step up for yourself and make your voice known. 

You need to show up for what is acceptable for you and what not.

If you keep yourself silent they might not know that what they do is harming you and it can even happen that they, themselves, are even unaware of it.

3. Seek Support From Your Trusted Network

When your ex is truly going over the top and their behavior such as incessant texting, calling or showing up uninvited to your places, this could be very dangerous.

In these cases, you should allow trusted people and family in to protect you at all costs. You can do this in the following ways:

  • Share your situation with close friends and family and get to know how they feel around the situation with your ex.
  • Ask for professional help with an organization that is well-educated and experienced with stalking behavior.
  • Join support groups or online communities where you can connect with other people who have gone through or are going through similar experiences.

4. Legal Measures and Involving Authorities (if necessary)

In this research from Bustle, experts on stalking shared that: “If the stalking continues even after intervention and warnings about reporting them to the police or other authorities, an order of protection may be necessary.”

Changing locks, blocking email accounts, and perhaps getting a new phone number may also be required if the ex becomes increasingly violent​1​.

What they also mention is that professional help and support are very crucial in these situations, as they can help process the trauma and the pain.

They can help examine difficulties with recognizing red flags in relationships.

It’s important that you collect all the evidence that you can to make your stand stronger and bolder against your ex. Take the screenshots. Have a separated album or notebook on your phone where you collect everything. 

Make sure that you block him on social media and close all the doors of contact. Give your ex girlfriend or boyfriend a final warning on email where you are crystal clear and strong in your boundary.

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Tell him in this e-mail that he can’t contact you anymore and that this is your last warning. If he isn’t taking this warning seriously, there will be serious consequences with authorities.

If your ex wont leave you alone then block them completely on e-mail or other forms of contact, and proceed with restraining order.

5. Focus Self-Care and Emotional Support & Healing

  • Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax.

The most important thing when you go through very stressful situations, especially with external factors, is that you keep an eye on your own healing.

You have to keep doing the activities and the things that bring you joy and that help you to relax. Even though it’s happening outside of you, you shouldn’t let it affect your inner joy as best as possible.

  • Practice mindfulness, meditation, or other stress-relief techniques.

Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, breathwork, yoga or even other stress-relief techniques can be really helpful to reduce stress.

You will also come to understand with a regular yoga and meditation practice, that no matter what happens outside of yourself, you still have control over your inner-world.

This will help you to take your power back no matter what happens outside of you.

  • Consider therapy or counseling to process any emotional trauma or distress.

When you’re going through a lot it might be helpful to go out there and ask for help. You don’t have to do this all alone. A great therapist or counselor that is specialized in such cases or even a bodywork therapist could help you with processing the heaviness of the situation. They can help you find your way back into a lighter version of yourself.

6. Move Forward and Build a Positive Future

In Buddhism there is this phrase: “Everything and everyone around you is your teacher.” 

Instead of letting this situation take all of your precious energy and goodness, transform the situation into personal power for you. See it as a way of learning. A challenge.

How can I stay close to myself in this situation? How can I make sure that no matter what happens with my ex, I stay in my light? I don’t let it be taken away from me?

How can I be stronger in my boundaries? How can I love myself deeper through it all? How can I come in deeper contact with my needs and emotions?

Besides, instead of focusing on what your ex is doing to you, take your power back by focusing on yourself even more deeper. What do you love to do?

What are interests you would love to pursue? What are your dreams for the future? 

When you’re involved with your own life, that it lifts you up, what someone else is doing, doesn’t have much relevance anymore.

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How to Effectively Communicate With Your Ex For Privacy & Peace?

When you’re communicating with an ex who isn’t leaving you alone, it all depends on where they are in their process. Some exes might be more aggressive than others.

What is important is that you are very brief, focused and to the point when you talk with them. You have to be direct and clear so that there is no way for misinterpretation.

If you ask me, if they propose to be just friends even then don’t take it. It will only mess up with your mental health and become an obstacle in path of your healing. Even if you somehow manage to pull it through, you don’t know how your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend gonna process it.

You’ll only end up complicating the situation even more.

You have to avoid becoming defensive or confrontational towards them, but stay in your kindness, in your heart, no matter how they react.

If your ex is reasonable and open to it, you can look for solutions or compromises that are supportive for the both of you and demonstrate a willingness to work together towards a positive outcome.

In this way you both feel seen. Of course, if your ex is constantly yelling at you or showing behavior that is unacceptable, you don’t have to go there and set your boundary.

Navigating Forward (Summary)

Now you know what to do if your ex won’t leave you alone. It can be hard especially when they are so involved with you that they can’t seem to let you go. 

However, this doesn’t mean that your life has to stop where their life has stopped (for their feelings).

You can still be free. You can still live your life. You can still rise above your external circumstances and find inner-joy no matter what. 

In his book “Man’s search for meaning”, Viktor E. Frankl, who has been to concentration camps in world war II, was able to keep his mind clear and positive under the most crazy circumstances.

As he quotes: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

This is the one I want to leave you with. Just that someone is trying to influence you and your life, doesn’t mean that your life has to stop there.

Take positive action, take control of your own outcomes and rise above the challenges the universe has given to you. You got this.

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Joanna Pleun
About Joanna Pleun

Joanna is a globe-trotting writer and liberation coach, helping people transform their lives, especially post-break ups. She excels in identifying the root causes of self-sabotage and fostering personal empowerment. Through her writings, workshops, and group sessions, Joanna guides individuals to reconnect with their bodies and hearts, encouraging them to create magical life experiences. Her ultimate goal is to assist people in fostering a fulfilling relationship with themselves.

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