You and your significant other ended your long-term relationship because you both felt that the spark was gone. Now, you are considering getting back together and recommitting yourself to the person and the relationship. I say, “do it.” Working on a relationship counters the prevailing quick-fix nature of the digital age, where we are so used to a “try it on and move on fast if it doesn’t seem to fit” mentality.
Here are 3 reasons to try and make it work:
1. The grass is NOT always greener. Other relationships can seem more appealing than the one we are in. But it’s an illusion. All relationships have challenges. In reality, it’s easy to imagine that a new partner will make things better or easier. But the honeymoon phase will pass in that new relationship too, and you will come up against the same old issues. And remember, your grass looks greener to someone too.
2. Grow, don’t run. Relationships demand growth, not escape. The challenge is to develop better communication skills, create novel shared activities and develop fresh insights and attitudes to reinvigorate your relationship. Spend time reflecting on yourself: how are you contributing to this issue? How can you change? Can you do something different, rather than ask or expect your partner to change? You need to override short-term feelings of dissatisfaction and discomfort in the service of long-term accomplishment: mature, lasting love.
3. Deeper intimacy takes time. You have the potential to develop a more complex type of intimacy by
sticking things out. It’s hard to know the value of a life-long relationship until you get there, but you might get a glimpse when you reconnect with a long-lost friend on Facebook, someone with whom you shared a time or place in your past. You know each other uniquely. A part of you is appreciated and kept alive. In your romantic partnership, your shared history is part of your future bond.
If you decide that you want to recommit to your partner, you are taking an opportunity to grow a strong and multi-faceted relationship. You are not jumping from startup to startup, but are building something to last. Try recommitting to your relationship and challenge yourself to forgive and be patient. Your relationship will be enriched. What you will learn about yourself in the process will translate to success and satisfaction in other areas of your life as well.