Your relationship ended. At the time, it seemed for the best. But now, tempers have cooled and you miss your old flame. You begin to doubt your decision. You consult with friends and family. You consider reaching out to see if reconciliation is possible.
At Relationup (a service that provides immediate, online relationship advice from professionals- download the iOS app here or chat now on the web), we were curious about what motivated people to flip a 180 and reignite their relationship. Our recent 2016 Relationup survey revealed the top 5 reasons why people want to get back with their ex.
1. You realize you messed up. Time away has given you perspective and you see now where you misstepped. You realize that you behaved poorly and brought about the dissolution of your relationship. Your plan is to approach your ex with an olive branch, taking full responsibility for your shortcomings. You hope that being forthright will open the door.
2. You believe you lost “the one.” Distance has reinforced how deep your feelings are for your partner. You reminisce about the positives of the relationship and worry there will never be anyone like them again. You want to send out clues to reconnect with the person you see as your soulmate.
3. You don’t want to be alone. Whether you just can’t make ends meet, don’t want to be separated from your kids or feel too lonely on your own, you desire to put this relationship back together. Reconciliation isn’t motivated by your love for your partner, but by your own fears, anxieties and insecurities.
4. You believe your partner can change. You were hurt in the relationship and staying together seemed impossible. However, you partner’s recent actions and expressed desire to change has given you hope that things can be different. You don’t want to throw it all away without giving it one more shot.
5. You believe you can change. Your partner ended the relationship because they weren’t happy. They had a lot of complaints about you. You believe you can please them and be different this time around. You are on the pursuit for a second chance.
Not everyone gets a second chance. If you are given the opportunity, the jury is out about whether “second time’s the charm” or your relationship ultimately ends up in the same unsatisfying place.
Written by Rhonda Milrad, LCSW
Founder and Chief Relationship Advisor