No one wants to waste time dating the wrong guy. That is why the dating process involves getting to know new people as quickly as possible with a detective eye to evaluate whether or not to continue investing time and energy in someone. Sometimes these quick decisions are spot on. Others times, they falter. Here are profiles of 8 different types of men that should raise serious red flags.
The Player. The most common red flag of them all is this one, also known as the smooth operator, the womanizer, the serial monogamist, or the commitment “phobe”. He goes through tinder dates like tic tacs, and dates for him are mere rituals just to take you home and score. Enjoy the date and even the sex, but don’t fall for his smooth lines.
The Cheater. Similar to the player, this man is a skirt chaser. If you do manage to ensnare this fellow, he will end up cheating on you because he ultimately values variety and loves the chase. He will disrespect you by sizing up and flirting with other women right in front of you. His phone is attached to him at all times like an extra appendage, he even takes it with him to the bathroom. If he’s constantly ogling at bent-over bottoms at the gym and hiding his text messages from you, get your detective hat on and pay attention.
The Mama’s Boy. It won’t take long before you realize you are not the only woman in this man baby’s life. Even if he lives alone and not with his mom, Mom is still coming over to stock his fridge, bleach his tightie-whities and iron his shirts. He needs her advice on everything. Unfortunately for you, Mom doesn’t approve of any of his girlfriends because nobody will ever be good enough for her little Prince. Good luck with this prize.
The Slacker. This is a grown man, who is not physically or mentally disabled, but still chooses to rise at noon in his parents’ treehouse and begin his day flipping sports channels or playing video games, accompanied by a six pack of beer and a bag of cheetos. He is not a provider, a worker or a winner. All he has to show for himself is his Angry Birds score, three orange stained fingers and a medical marijuana card.
The Peter Pan. This guy means well, but he doesn’t have his two feet planted firmly on the ground. You might have been attracted to his sense of adventure and optimism in the beginning, but the sand castle isn’t holding up. He’s a dreamer who believes his screenplay is going to win an academy award. Or maybe, he has invented the next gadget that will put his face on the cover of Forbes. Over time, the pixie dust becomes less cute as you’re left wondering when he will be able to chip in for groceries.
The Addict. If he is not committed to his recovery, he can’t commit to you because this man’s priority will otherwise be his substance of choice. A big clue that he’s an addict is that he disappears with a vague explanation and spins a web of unnecessary lies, such as, “That’s not vodka in my glass, it’s water” or “I don’t know how that crack pipe got in my briefcase”.
The Workaholic. Everyone appreciates an ambitious fellow, but this guy can’t get his face out of his computer screen. If he could curl up and live on his keyboard, he would. When he is not working, he is generating to-do lists or sprucing up his already pristine domicile. Bore fest!
The Pushover. Don’t be fooled by his easy-going facade. Incapable of uttering the word “no” or letting others down, he tells everyone what they want to hear, including you. And then he becomes resentful and proceeds to do what he wants. This man will allow other people to interfere in your relationship because he is terrible at setting boundaries. Unless he grows a spine and starts speaking up, ditch him.
The Narcissist. He’s a controlling egomaniac and might embody any or all of the above traits because he feels that the world should orbit around him constantly. Don’t be fooled, for narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. People typically imagine that they are gorgeous, glossy perfection but they can also be unattractive slobs. If he doesn’t consider your feelings at all, if he lies, cheats or steals, or if he manipulates you and tries to control you, then he is most likely some form of narcissist. Run.
If you are looking to build a future with someone, these types of men will likely create a challenging road full of obstacles. Relationships are never easy, but consider wisely what kind of life you are signing up for.
Written by Carla Litto, M.A. in Marriage Family Therapy