Whether you are a seasoned dater or new to the dating game, going out with someone you like for the first time can be nerve wracking. We’ve all been there with butterflies in our bellies and the gut wrenching fear, worried that we will be rejected. Here are some tools to help calm those nerves and just chill on date one.
1.You already made it to the first date. Hello? You are occupying a window seat, twirling spaghetti and sipping Chianti in front of your dreamboat because he already asked you out. And he asked you out,, because he finds you attractive and wants to get to know you better. Relax, you already know that he is interested in you or he wouldn’t be there in the first place.
2. Be the buyer, not the seller. Try to remember that the first date is as much about evaluating what you think of him, as it is about whether or not he likes you. The buyer /seller mentality is important throughout the course of any potential relationship so that your focus isn’t lost on selling yourself . You are not put in front of him merely to impress him; he can go the Magic Castle in Hollywood for that. So remember to check in with yourself throughout the date to see whether YOU want a second one.
3. Be prepared. Sometimes it helps to have a handy mental list of questions to ask or topics to bring up to break the ice or avoid awkward silences that can also help you get to know each other. Simple questions like “Do you have any pets?” can lead to the “are you a cat or a dog person” discussion which is always a fun one.
4. Be yourself. As cliché as it sounds, be authentic, and don’t try to impress. There is a difference between being open and honest and oversharing. You don’t need to tell him right away that you’re saving up for a boob job or that your fiancé cheated on you with your first cousin. Don’t overwhelm the poor fellow and scare him away.
Take a deep breath. Let him see the real you – the girl who laughs it off when she winds up with kale in her front tooth or trips on her open toe stiletto. Because none of that matters when he’s interested in you.
Written by Carla Litto, M.A. in Marriage Family Therapy