The start of summer signals more than tanning, the beach, and short shorts- it’s also peak festival season. All across the country, and even overseas, countless festivals are happening. Your plan was to go to the festival with some friends and have a good time listening to your favorite bands with thousands of other avid music listeners.
But on the first day of the festival, you meet a another group of friends and start hanging out with them for the duration of the festival. They were festival friends who offered you some of their water and told you to run to main stage with them for your favorite act. Hours later, in a state of delirium, you begin thinking that one of the guys in the other group is kind of cute, dorky, and shares a lot of the same interests as you. He happens to live in the same city as you work in and he suggests you two should continue to hang out when the festival ends. Before you know it, your festival fling has become a post-festival boyfriend.
Since your friends are too nice to tell you, here are 3 reasons why you should dump your festival boyfriend:
1. It becomes apparent that you have nothing in common––except a mutual love for music and getting wasted at festivals.
You are back from the festival and you get drinks with him. The conversation is just about the past festival and any others you might be going to. Every time you try to ask him any personal questions about his life or meeting his friends, he completely ignores you or deflects the question. You’ve spent hours listening to him describe how amazing the light show was at Calvin Harris, but you’re not even confident you know his last name.
2. You thought the bandanas and bro tanks were just his festival wardrobe- not his everyday wardrobe.
Date number two and he shows up to pick you up from your conservative office building job in a sweat stained tank with a Guatemalan poncho, feather necklaces and bandana. Your original dinner suggestion quickly becomes annexed and you end up at the diner on the other side of town. You get asked several times if he’s your nephew instead of your date and almost throw your coffee at the second waitress to ask you that. It doesn’t help that he ordered the chicken tenders off the kids menu.
3. You realize that he’s memorized Kaskade’s tour dates, but forgot to pay the electricity bill at his place.
It was cool knowing all the secret underground concerts happening, until it dawned on you that that was all your new boyfriend was good for. He spent his last forty dollars on a concert ticket to Kygo, and gladly borrowed the keys to your prius and money for gas until his paycheck came in. Three dents and chipped blue paint later did he finally return your keys- his apology being tickets to a concert for some DJ you’ve never heard of, but he swears, “changed his life.”
You realize that your new boyfriend just can’t make the transition from festival to reality. You need to end it now before your bank account dwindles to half its original size and you’re stuck in the same rehab center that Lindsay Lohan visited. Just remember that falling for the first guy who tells you that M83 is also his favorite band and hoists you on his shoulders in a crowd of thousands of people, may not have long term prospects. Maybe, what happens at the festival should stay at the festival.
Written by Arezou Akbarpour, Relationup Staff Writer