Have you felt that your sex life wasn’t great with your partner and even wondered about your partner’s satisfaction? Have you ever wanted to talk to your partner about improving things but just didn’t know where to begin?
Here are 4 tips to help get the conversation started:
1. Get over your embarrassment.
There’s no need to feel embarrassed when you’re talking about it. Look at it this way: if you didn’t feel embarrassed being intimate with your partner, then you shouldn’t feel shy or timid talking about sex. Sex is an important aspect of a relationship, so don’t let something as small as your ego sabotage it. You can unfold amazing and wondrous experiences through a simple act of communication.
2. Have this conversation outside of the bed.
Set up the right time and mood to have an open conversation. For example, if you’re watching a romantic movie, wait for the intimate scene to begin, and open up the conversation that way. If talking isn’t your strong suit then maybe look through a sexual book or images online together, or you could even create a fun survey and have your partner answer intimate questions that way.
3. Stay away from suggestions.
Suggestions may offend your partner’s ego. “Honey, you should be more active in bed” or “You need to learn more positions,””, can received very poorly. They sound like complaints and could make your partner feel like he/she is an inadequate lover and doesn’t pleasure you at all.
4. Ask specific questions.
Be as detailed as possible in your questions and have options for your partner to choose from to make the conversation easier. Targeted questions like “Do you like it when I pull your hair while we have sex?” “And if so, how hard would you prefer: soft, medium, or hard?”, can give you and your partner a better idea of how to ignite that arousal in each other. Some people aren’t that innovative or imaginative, but as soon as you bring up ideas, it stimulates and opens up their minds for other possibilities they might be interested in.
Talking about improving your sex life should be a comfortable, non-threatening, and even fun conversation to have with your partner! And remember, pleasing each other should be primary. If you are both in it to please each other, sex will just get better and better! So don’t hold off on wanting to create an amazing sex life!
M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy